A Tale of Two Tables....and a Mother-in-Law

The table on the right is new (to us). I bought it this morning at a garage sale next to my Sister's house for $80. The table on the left we've had for many years. It wasn't supposed to be a table, it was supposed to be a bug zapper.

It's broken. It's needed refinished since it was purchased. My beloved and her Mom re-fabriced the chairs a while back. The cool thing about the old table is that the legs come out from the center of the table, so there is no whacking your knees on the corners.The old table also comes with lots of leaves so it expands to seat many people. And we occasionally find ourselves needing to seat many people.

The one chair has paint on it from when I stood on it to paint. My good wife asked me if I wanted a cover for it. I said, "No, if I get paint on it I'll just refinish it." At the time I didn't know it was a lie. The truth is the whole table needs a good refinishing, but I have very little inclination to do it. Well, if I'm telling the truth, no inclination to do it.

When I bought the table nh wasn't with me. I called her, told her I thought it was a great deal on a good table. She said exactly what I thought she would say, "How will we seat everyone when they come over?" "We'll work it out," I said and I bought the thing.

When I got it home nh said it was ugly. I threw our old table under the bus, pointed out all the warts, said I wanted to throw it in the garbage. And here's where it gets sticky. My good wife was offended.

I explained that I meant no personal offence, that what I was saying about the table didn't have anything to do with her personally, but it didn't matter much. I immediately said I'd do whatever she wanted. I'd sell the garage sale table. As I began to list it at Craig's list. She said, "I think it just means more to me because my Mom got us the table."

It is true that my Mother-in-Law got us the table. We gave her $50 dollars for a bug zapper because the 'sqeaters eat nh alive and there was a deal on one at a membership store to which we did not belong. Instead, in her infinite "I know what's good for you" wisdom she picked up the table at a garage sale, no chairs, just the table.

When I asked where the chairs were she said, "At the garage sale, they're $50 dollars."

Like a doofus, I stated the obvious question, "You got us a table with no chairs?" Anyway, we went and bought the chairs. We never did get the bug zapper.

I love my Mother-in-Law. She's a pushy dame and I like that about her...most of the time. She is determined and willing to do what it takes to get a thing done. She loves her family and does more than say it. The boys love to go to her house. Sometimes I think we find each other very frustrating, as with the table, but I wouldn't trade her in for anything...except maybe for a really cool BMW. I love BMW's.

So I'll admit there are some thing's I don't understand. I don't understand how insulting a table is offensive to my wife. I don't understand why the need to seat everyone .0005% of the time is such a large part of the decision making process. (Isn't that what folding chairs are for?) And I don't understand how my bug zapper became a table. I can only say for sure that I've been glad for the table all of these years.