Family Night

Tonight we went swimming as a family. It was great fun. Nh and dg went off to do an obstacle course and a slide while wg and I goofed off and chased each other.

After awhile I got out and wg entertained himself while dg and Nh continued to play elsewhere. I was amazed that your blue lipped beauty continued to play and entertain himself for so long. Other kids jostled him, hit him and he couldn't have cared less even if I wanted to throttle some of the bigger kids.

I stood on the edge with a smile while he played. My heart quickened as he ventured into deep waters. The water just over his chin, kids splashing and flopping and screaming and every time he would work his was to better water, without complaint or worry. I admired that. I thought the fear would grip him since he can't swim, but it didn't. He soldiered on. I wish I could be more like him.

Wg is a great kid, except when he yells at his brother that he hates him. Wg doesn't have a host of coping skills yet so we try to explain why that isn't cool. And just when we think we're getting somewhere dg takes the torture to a whole new level and wg lashes out and hurts him and I say, "See that's what you get, quit teasing him." Revenge. Oh yes, don't teach them that's okay. "Wg it isn't okay to hurt other people."
"But Dad he called me Doodie head!" The travesty! The inhumanity! What are you gonna do?

It was a fun evening, thanks Nh for good times.

Dg5, what a ham!

Today dg5 called me "Dude."
I said, "Don't call me dude, dude."
And he said, "What am I supposed to call you Steve?"

You're definitely not ugly.

Today we were at the checkout counter at Target. The boys were riled up. Wg3 looked right at the cashier and said, "Your ugly!" Grrrr. I whipped him around, hoping she was oblivious to the insult and teased, "No your ugly!" and quickly wrestled him away and out the door.

Outside I gave him a serious tongue lashing. I was ticked. I know he's only three, but I also know he knows that saying someone is ugly is mean. I was very upset.

The weird thing is that Wg3 is a people person, very affable. As we walked out of the restaurant after dinner he said very adultishly to the people dining on the patio, "Are you folks havin' a good dinner?" I don't think they heard him and I don't think he stopped to hear the answer, but just a little evidence that he is a very genial fellow.

A little later at the Supermarket I broke off from the pack and did some tactical shopping. When I got back wg3 rushed to tell me he had told the man behind us that he "is definitely not ugly." What are you gonna do, he's trying.

"Dad, don't! It's poison!"

This one makes me laugh.

I took the boys geocaching for the first time today. However, we went out into the desert mid-day and when we got back we were all hot. So I took them upstairs to wet down their little heads and prevent a brain fry. As we got into the bathroom I grabbed a spray bottle and called wg3, "Come over here buddy."

"Dad, don't! It's poison!"
"What? What's poison?" I thought nh had gone crazy and put a cleaner in there where the boys could reach it.
"That bottle. Dg5 peed in it and I squeezed bleach wipes in there."
"Dg5, did you pee in this?"
"No." But clearly he was lying.
"Why would you pee in this bottle?"
"I don't know."
"Ah, so then you did pee in it!"
"Yes. Sorry." Sorry? "I barely got any in it though." Some consolation.
"Dg5. I don't care that you peed in it, though I don't want you to do it again, but don't lie to me son. Okay?"
"Okay." It's poison...that makes me laugh.

It's just a piece of flagstone

I'm laying flagstone down on the grass in front of the garden so NH has a path to walk along with our wearing a path in the grass. I cut away the sod, remove the grass and place the perfectly fit flagstone in the hole. Occasionally, I have to take a 4lbs. sledge and a chisel and remove small chunks. The sprinklers came on, so I resigned my commission, but left the sledge where I would pick up next day.

We had friends over and their kids and our kids were running in the sprinklers. When I left I never gave it a second thought that they might find my sledge. Well, they did.

I think it was wg3 first. He began to pound away at the piece freshly laid. I was upstairs and the other children's mother was outside with the kids. It wasn't long and her daughter joined in the fun, both the same age - 3. Dg5 is said to have taken a swipe, but without breaking anything. As the other children's mother said, "Hey, I don't think you guys should be doing that," dg5 responded, "No, it's okay, my Dad doesn't care." What???

I handled it all very reasonably. I walked out with wg3 and said, "Do you think I laid this flagstone here so you could destroy it with my hammer?"

"Yes." Did he really say yes????

"Actually wg3, no, no I didn't. What should your punishment be?"

"Time out would be good."

"That doesn't seem like enough."

"Okay, some time out and a soft swat on the bottom." Don't be so hard on yourself I think.

"Wg3. I'm not going to punish you, but DO NOT even think about doing it again, and you're gonna clean this mess up pal. Deal?"

"Deal." Cute kid.

We scored a goal

I've been feeling pretty crummy for the kids I coach. My expectations weren't high, just please Lord let them score a goal. Well, finally the curse is broken. We scored. I felt relieved.

Many of the kids are coming back for the summer session of soccer. I'll get to coach them again and I'm glad because they're great kids. The next goal??? How about a win? Here's hoping and yes I know we're not keeping score, but try to tell the kids not to keep score.

When we got in the van after the game I offered high excitement about our goal.
"But we got killed," dg5 said!
"I know son, one thing at a time. We scored."

Lord thanks for the score. It would mean a lot to the kids if they could win. Can we get some help with that too?

Pills

I haven't taken my pill for awhile now. It's for anti-anxiety. Well, wouldn't you guess, my emotions are a little out of control. They are hard to control anyway and at times I feel very overwhelmed. I'm feeling very sensitive.

I hate the idea that I need a magic pill, that somehow I'm broken. I feel broken.

Tonight consumption begins again. I've contained my feelings pretty well with a lot of vigilance, but I don't think it can last. Better I'm broken than my family.

Drilled

When we practice the kids like to play against the parents at the end. It's fun. One of the kids' brother comes and we let him play if he walks. He' probably 8 or 9. Well yesterday he booted one and drilled dg5 right in the face. It was hard to see.

I comforted him briefly, but the physical pain wasn't the hardest part for him and he didn't return without much coaxing. What was really hard was all of the attention everyone paid him or that he perceived they were paying him. He spoke of being "nervous" in his throat. I'd like to get him back in the saddle, but if his problem is anxiety what the heck do you do about that?

We're going to keep plugging along like a good family and hope either it goes away or God grants me the wisdom to help him through. He's such a brilliant, wonderful boy and it WAS a wicked hard shot to the mug.

A day at the beach

Can you have plumber's crack at 5?

So we spent a day at the beach. Grandma Brown got the boys a set of beach toys. We made castles, then we made castles close to the tide to see if they would withstand the inrushing water. They didn't. At some point during the day, I think during the castle making, dg5 said, "Dad, this is the best day ever." It was a pretty good day. Near the end wg3 asked to be buried in the sand and his brother quickly joined in. Sweet boys, that's what they are, just sweet boys.

Peeing in the Ocean

I'm not against peeing in the ocean. I think it's okay. I don't remember any time when I've done it, but I'm sure I have. So when wg3 said he had to pee at the beach I told him to just go in the ocean.

"No. You're just kidding," he coyly says.

"No, really, go ahead. It's okay."

So off he went. A moment later I realized my mistake as wg3 marched calf deep into the water and dropped trow. I cried out to him and he stopped. We pulled up his pants and waded in waist deep. "Okay, now you can go."

Look, peeing in the ocean isn't an elegant solution it's convenient, but with a little discretion it can be done. Wg3 just didn't get the discretion part.

Reboot

I've dreamed dark dreams tonight. One and I wake up. I shake it off, sleep, another and I wake up. I remember at least 5 of them in my first three hours of sleep.

I wake up and I get up after the last one. It's 1:13 and I am awake and I hear the t.v. on downstairs. We didn't leave the t.v. on though. I check on dg5 because he is alone. wg3 has long since been in our bedroom. I head downstairs. The television is off. I check the doors and turn on some outside lights. Trying to break the nightmare cycle I turn on the t.v. It's between COPS and YoYo Ma and the Silk Road Ensemble. Part of me wants COPS, but thinks it will do very little to assuage my nightmares. I choose YoYo Ma - who is not a woman by the way.

For the last hour I hear instruments new to me from around the world; Iran, China, India and an Argentinian woman in stretch pants suffering what looks like an epileptic gyration while she plays something that looks like a bagpipe. In my opinion the greatest instrument of all is the human voice, which they showcase beautifully.

It's over an hour now and I'm tired. I wonder if a father can will the nightmares of his children to come to him. I hope they sleep well and dream well. I go in again now and who knows. Maybe that dark man will come to me again, maybe I will dream of my grandparents, or maybe I will, in that misty place, find my children again and my soul can rest peacefully too.

Team Lydick

I was resigned to the fact that we would do grass next year and then... it happened. Someone from Craigslist took all of the landscaping rock out of our backyard and did a great job. After all, 20 ton of rock is an Arizonan's idea of landscaping, but as a transplant I reserve the right to mix it up.

After that it was high gear. Put in the trenches, put in the irrigation, till the ground, mix in the nitrolized wood products, sulfur and phosphorus, roll the soil, lay the sod. It writes out in a few lines, but plays out as a series of very long, tiring days. It requires the whole Lydick family - a little thing we like to call Team Lydick around here.

It all starts with power tools. What boy doesn't love the rumble of big power tools?

Tree removal is a family affair. What would Treebeard think?

Show me a trench and I'll show you a boy who can't, can't, can't stay out of it. I love these boys.

Contrary to popular opinion there was no manure in it. Oh and elephants do have the largest poops, like anybody really needs to know that. It's no wonder wg3 dumped about a pound of fertilizer out of his little shoes.

By the sweat of my brow, till it, roll it.

Yes, it's dark. The truck rolled in around 7:20 pm. It was start then or wait until 5am the next morning. I started. The good people in these four photos are blessings unlooked for. My neighbor does landscapes for a living. He's been walking me through the mine field. Thank God for his advice. Little did I know that when he saw the delivery and realized I was doing it alone that he would recruit his whole family to help. Jim, Angela, Sophia, and Ben. Good folks everyone. In the bottom right is Louis. Louis is my home teacher. He was planning on 5 am, but when nh told him the grass was here he came right over. I feel so lucky to have such good, kind people to help us. The lawn looks great and I am watering it like I don't live in Arizona hoping it will take root. We've done what we can, now grow grass grow.

The Team Lydick member behind the camera did more than anyone. She kept going, preparing, doing, de-rocking, digging her poor wrist into oblivion while I was at work. Why should I be so lucky to have such a wife? We did it for the boys. We hope they will enjoy it for many years to come.

Too much Star Wars

Someone has to lose

The things a sister does

Allergies

I think we over medicate dg5 for his allergies. The only way to get it exactly right is to wait until it's too late. What do we do? Medicate what seems like every night. nh and I bicker about it because I don't like it, but in the end what the heck to I know?

Nh delivered cookies tonight to families she visit teaches. The lady's kids really wanted nh to come in so she and wg3 did. They have cats. Wouldn't you know, wg3 is allergic. He looked awful, though he was fully himself. A bath and benadryl helped. Here he is after he improved.

The Power of Television

wg3 routinely gives thanks during family prayers for the electricity to our television. He used to be indifferent to t.v. It would be on and he would just go off and play. Now, he's glued. We try very hard to limit his intake, but I'd say if it's in his prayers it also coded in his root directory. Maybe we should throw the stupid t.v. away.

Nightmares

Two nights ago nh experienced a nightmare.
"How bad could it be," I said?
"You died of a heart attack."
"Oh. Yeah, that's pretty bad." I started working out again today.

Last night dg5 had a nightmare and came into our room.
"Can I sleep in here?"
"Sure," and I set him up on the floor.
At 3:45am I hear screaming, it's dg5.
"What? What is it?"
"I had a bad dream." Sobs.
"I'm sorry. Come here buddy." After a small reprieve, "What did you dream about?"
Every time I touched him he jumped, I mean he was spooked.
"We were in our car and there was a ghost sound in the back and it was coming up to the front."
"Well I'm sorry you're scared."
"Can I sleep there," pointing betwixt his mother and I.
"No, because if you do you're the only one that will get any sleep."
"I don't want to sleep on the floor anymore." He was still jumping if I touched him.
"Okay, little man. I'll sleep on the floor and you take my spot, okay?"
"Yeah. Sure."
"We're not going to make a habit of this little dude."
"Okay."
"Goodnight dg5, I love you."
"Love you Dad."
Hello floor, I hate you.

Fathers and Sons Camp Out 2009

wg3 very much wanted to go this year. I firmly believe his words were designed to cause me as much pain as possible and it was very difficult to leave him. But he's very energetic and I want him were I can see him because of the water, the fire and the snakes. And so dg5 and I went off together with promises of a camp out in 2010 that would include us all. It was all pretty quiet, which is fine with me. But there was one fishing story.

I am trying to teach dg5 to fish. Last year at a stocked fishing event he won a Sponge Bob pole. It was a crappy pole and after only a few hours it gave up the ghost. In the beginning though the water was churning with fish. We had two problems, too much slack in our line and a slow response time to set the hook. Essentially, we were feeding the fish.

My instructions???? "When the bobber drops yank your pole back over your head to set the hook...and don't hit me." When I think about it the don't hit me part is pretty stupid. I just tried to stay close enough to help, but far enough away to have time to duck.

Four other Fathers and their Sons were there a day early with us and while we were fishing and having no luck another Father close by called over to us, "Hey Lydick, do you want to let your son reel this fish in?" After a quick glance at each other we walked their way and dg5 did exactly as he was instructed, the bobber dropped and he yanked. If I had told him there is no need to yank after the hook is set the fish would not have exited the water in a wide arc over everyone's head and landed in the forest. It didn't matter to him, it was just as exciting as anything else.

What is it about boys and fire?

Dg5 cut his finger pulling up Switch Grass and sulked for a little while by the campfire. The smores brough him out of the stupor he was in.

Friends and the lake, does it get better when you're a kid?

It was a cold morning. It might even have been as low as 50 degrees F.

Early in the morning

"I love Father and Son Camp Out"

Soccer Drama

Today we played soccer games that teach the kids skills. During the process kids always get hurt. Apparently it was Dg5's turn. He stepped on the ball to stop it, but in the fray his weight shifted to the foot holding the ball and the momentum cause the ball to roll throwing him to the ground. It was a crappy way to fall and it looked like it hurt.

I observed for a few seconds to assess the severity and sure enough he cried hard. I went over and comforted him for a sec and asked him if he got the wind knocked out of him. "Dad, I think I broke my back." "Okay Son, get up....there now why don't you go over and rest and get a drink." Broke his back. Where do kids get this stuff?

Afterwards I took the time to praise his recovery, for shaking off the pain and getting back in the game.

I worry a little about dg5 though. When I called to him and asked if he wanted to get back in it he said yes and came over. I paid him no special attention because he's like his Mom and that makes his anxiety worse. However, as he joined in the 1 v 1 exercise he froze up, crossed his arms across his chest and put on the I'm really anxious look.

I said, "Do you want to go?" He just shook his head "no."

My solution, act like it was no big deal without missing a step. I mean, what's the other option???? Maybe I could talk him into it, but I didn't because then everyone would be looking at us and I think it would be worse.

After one more round he was good to go and stepped in to battle the field champion. It was a fierce contest and he lost it, but he was good after that. The kid heals like Wolverine.

They Said It

"Dad, I'm not as good as Corey."
"Why do you say that dg5?"
"Cause his dad works with him to get more aggressive." - I'm the coach! How much more involved can you be? He's making great progress by the way.

At the Father-Son Campout
"Dad, you know why I wanted to climb to the top of this mountain?"
"No, why pal?"
"Cause you need the exercise."

Because I haven't been able to spend as much one on one with wg3 he said,
"Dad, when are we gonna do somethin' just you and me?"
"What do you want to do?"
"Go up on Mountain Lemmon."
"Okay, how about next Saturday?"
"Just you and me?"
"Yep."
"Okay, just you and me and Mom and Dg5."
"I thought you wanted just you and I?"
"I do and Mom and dg5."

Because wg3 wakes up with me early I try to say a morning prayer with him. Today, he resisted. "Wg3, what are you doing? I just want to say a prayer."
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because you're gonna say one of your long ones."
"Okay, I won't."
"Okay, a short one."
"Okay."
Apparently I'm long winded even in prayer.

A child's prayer

dg5, "Dear Heavenly Father, we're thankful for all you've given us. We're thankful for Jesus and that you sent him to do all the work. We know you don't like doing any work. And we're thankful for him. And we hope we all get to live with you again. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen."

She's a Feisty Sheila

Little Planters

Personal Space

Ever since I've been coaching dg5's soccer team he wants to spend every waking moment doing something with me. I really love it. I know there will be a time when he'll want to be anywhere, but with me.

Yesterday we played Legos, Light Saber Fighting, War, Sorry and watched Prince of Egypt together. In the evening I wanted a little space so when nh wanted to go on a walk I was grateful and stayed behind. It wasn't long and they came home and both boys were on my knees and I was trying to use the computer. It was ridiculous to keep trying. I guess I can wait for the personal space when they stop wanting to hang out in 8 to 10 years. It is a great blessing to be loved so much.

Maybe we'll work on everybody getting quiet time soon.

Dg5 Insights

Dg5's teacher shared her opinion of dg5 after having him in class for awhile now. We pretty much knew it, but she said it well.

Dg5 is a 5 year old who will size up a situation. He has anxiety, trepidation with new situations. On his first day of school he'll walk to the lunch room and while he's trying to decide where to sit the seats will all fill up. He won't know what to do, he'll feel anxious. We agree. I love to have this confirmed from a second source because we can develop strategies to prepare him for it.

He's also very equitable and won't allow others to behave poorly without a word. He very politely tells kids a thing isn't fair, or could you please get off our dirt pile because he knows I don't want people on it. I love this about him. He could clam up, be afraid, shiver, but he doesn't, he addresses it and that takes a certain kind of courage. We'll see what happens the first time a kid clobbers him for not keeping his opinions to himself.

He's a pleaser. He strives to be obedient. He rarely gets in trouble because he knows and respects boundaries. Oh and he's hilarious. I love his sense of humor. I mean it, the kid is funny.