A family meeting: A debrief

The meeting went well. The decisions are tough. The stress is high for Dad and MA. Here's how it all went down:

Grandma has a wound that started as a bed sore. There is dead skin in the wound that will prevent it from healing. She is either lying on it or sitting on it 24/7 which prevents it from healing as well. I'm also told her Diabetes prevents healing. A second bed sore has now appeared and will likely connect with the first. Though the wound isn't healing, it is being taken care of well.

If the wound is ever to heal the dead tissue must be removed. This surgery would turn what is a baseball sized would into a softball sized wound. The upside is she 'might' heal and recover from the bedsore completely, it cannot happen otherwise. The downside: it may take a year for the wound to heal, she will be confined to her bed, she is at high risk for pneumonia and infection during the recovery period, the pain may be excruciating in which case she would be medicated into a stupor until she recovers or gives out.

The other option is to do nothing, prolong her life, make her comfortable. The wound would not heal and eventually she will die, though the time frame can't really be guessed at.

Lots of discussion ensued. The parents were sensitive and less open to possibilities than we were. Brother eb was open for anything, in my opinion almost new agish with thoughts about the power of the mind to aid recovery etc... It provided a nice diversity to work through options.

We asked ourselves what we would do, if it were our parents? What would we want done if we were in Grandma's position? We looked at it from plenty of angles.

None of us can see all ends. I choose surgery for her. I'd want it if it were me, I'd have done it for everyone else in the family if they couldn't choose for themselves. At the time I don't think I'd thought through why, I just felt strongly that surgery would be my choice for Grandma. Since then I've thought about why and it comes down to two things, Grandma and hope.

Grandma is a saucy dame. She'd say she wants to live even if she doesn't fully understand the risks or potential pitfalls of surgery or recovery for her. I believe she'd risk it. I do believe that's what she wants. Tonight when I asked her if she wanted the surgery she said, "If it will help me get better." Amen.

And then there is Paul who wrote, "For our sakes, no doubt, this is written that he that ploweth should plow in hope." If we choose no surgery, we choose death. If we choose surgery, we choose life. We sow the seeds believing the crops will come in. We operate believing she will live. I choose life for her, I sow in hope.