My Friend's Whose Story It Is

We were learing to play rook. The kids were watching a princess movie. One girl present and 3 boys. My boys wanted to watch a dinosaur movie and my friend felt inclined to let them. But the sell, how to win her over.

He got up, grabbed the dinosaur movie, looked that pretty little girl right in the eye, jumped up and down excitedly and said, "Who wants to watch a dinosaur movie? Who?" A few bounces in and little Indi was as excited as her father. The movie went in and the transition was very smooth.

I knew he was a father. I knew he was a resident, a husband, a teacher in church, but I had no idea he was such a salesman.

A friend's story

When I was a junior in High School a group of us went to Peppersauce Caves. They were little known then. They were less travelled then.

There was another guy and four girls. We brought kite string, flashlights, food and water. As we approached the caves we saw two pot bellied, bearded, scruffy fellows in overalls. We nodded and mumbled and went into the cave. A little was in we tied off the kite string and proceeded with our spelunking.

After 45 minutes or so a weird thing happened. I noticed our line was moving. I said it out loud and everybody froze. The flashlight focused on the line, verifying it was true. It was. The other guy said, "Give me the knife," and the girls screamed. "Let's head back."

I led the way, the guy with the knife behind me and then the girls. Shouldn't the guy with the knife be out front? What am I a pin cushion? But that is the way it was.

As we came out of a narrow passage into a small cavern, by chance I cast my light around and one of those Backwoods Appalachian look-alikes was just sitting there, staring at us.

"Were you pulling on our string?"
"Yup."
"Why?"
"There's too much kite string in here."
"Oh. Well we were just leaving." We picked up our string as we went.

I remember fewer times when I've ever been so scared.

Hemingway-my favorite author

Km is studying Hemingway in college. Yesterday she texted to let me know one of her assigned readings is Hills Like White Elephants. I love that story. Maybe the educational system won't entirely fail her.

Butterfly Kisses

Tonight when I checked on wg2 I gave him butterfly kisses. He can hardly stand it. We did each eye and then he wanted to do my eyes.

A good mommy day

When I checked on dg4 tonight he explained that mommy couldn't wrestle because it hurts her back. A friend of dg4s was supposed to come over, but couldn't because his mother was sick. I asked if he had fun with wg2 and Mommy. He smiled and nodded.

Tonight nh played Dinosaur Hide-And-Seek with the boys. She was an Apotosaurus and they were T-Rexs and Velociraptors. I asked nh how she came to be an Apotosaurus and it was negotiated as dg4 offered options. Nh's negotiation was based on how easily the little meat eaters might consume her. Hence, the assumption of the gigantic Apotosaurus.

The game went like this; they would attack her and she would rear up, knock them down and run and hide. They would then come and find her and she would get them again. The boys loved it.

They asked to play again after their baths, but nh declined on account of they were clean and all. Sure.

She spent most of the day cutting out a pattern for a Halloween costume for dg4. He wanted to be a Komodo Dragon. Who hasn't at one time or another right? Her back is sore and the thing isn't even close to done. It's a loving sacrifice. She's so much better than me.

House Drama

The inspection period is ended. The roof inspection went terribly. We confirmed with our own guy. As good as our roof looks, it apparently stinks. Say goodbye to $4 Gs. We're gonna do it because if we stay we'd have to do the roof anyway, but yuck.

We accepted the counter offer for the house we want to buy today. The folks actually only countered for $3K more instead of the $5K. They knew we wanted the house. We met them when we looked at the house. I believe they are fine folk. I believe they wanted to help us. The inspection on the house we want to buy goes down Friday.

It looks like this thing might really happen.

Reading Therapy

Tonight is my night to feed Grandma at the care facility. I decided to read to her after dinner instead of setting her in front of the TV before I leave. I took Moby Dick. I had low expectations that she would enjoy the book at all. I thought just being read to might be soothing.

The chapter where Ishmael and Queequeg meet is pretty funny. Grandma interrupted to tell me she thinks Ishmael is goofy. I agree his behavior is a little frenetic.

A couple of chapters in she raised her hand. She said, "I want to know what this story is about."
I said, "Well, it's about..."
"No," she interrupted, "I don't want you to tell me what it's about."
"Oh. Okay, I'll keep reading then." And we went on.

For a woman who can sometimes seem a little lost, she seemed pretty lucid to me tonight. For me there is a strange parallel. I find Moby Dick as strange and mysterious and ominous as what is happening to Grandma.

Ow my knee hurts!! You're holding the wrong one.

A few days ago Wg2 fell and skinned his right knee. Today he proudly looked at his left knee and declared, "Look Dad! My knee is all better."
"It's your other knee you goofball."
"Oh!" giggling and wrestling ensued.

A new home

Last night we talked with our agent. It looks like the bid we put in on a house was countered for 5 more Gs. In terms of house hunting it isn't much and we've decided to do it. It's a nice house. It's the house we compared every other house to after we saw it. We're still waiting for the apraisal to come in on our home. If it comes in low the whole deal could be done. So far so good though, let's hope it all shakes out. Today we sign on the new home.

The Priesthood

I believe the Priesthood of Christ is necessary to officiate in the ordinances of his church, his Gospel. I believe that Priesthood is on the Earth today and that it was restored to the Earth by Peter, James, John and John the Baptist to Joseph Smith.

Every Priesthood holder of this dispensation can trace their Priesthood lineage back to them. Two Sundays ago I had the privelege to confirm the Melchezidek Priesthood and ordain to the office of an Elder, Robert Wayne Wilkins. He's a good man and I'm glad to know him.

And the work goes on.

Puke, for puke's sake

Tonight we had the missionaries over for dinner. They're great guys. Elder's Grant and Manwill. We had good laughs with our dinner. After they left it was a free-for-all fight in the living room. Me vs. "the boys." It ended ugly.

First, you wouldn't fill a balloon with puke and run around with it, jostle it, drop it, hit it with pillows. I recommend not doing it with children either.

Second, keep the child who still retains his food away from the child who chucked his up.

I through a pillow and dg4 stumbled into the wall and hit his head. He came to me wailing bloody murder. I said, it's just drywall calm down. His response, take it up a notch. His little tummy's response??? Let it all hang out.

He was in my lap. I immediately went into containment mode. I slapped my knees together tight and directed his spewing melon into my lap. Save the carpet, save the carpet, save the carpet, (he's not choking too is he?), save the carpet, take a breath little man, save the carpet.

After a few seconds he stopped. Carpet saved, internal celebration, yes even though my lap is full of puke. And then...

He just came too close, that's all there is for it. I think a whiff of puke overcame him and wg2, outside the ring of protection, vomited on the unprotected floor. I'll admit, I almost lost it. If I had lost it the post title would likely read, "Puke Fest 2008."

"Sange meh!" -A Stolen Post

Km: "What? What are you trying to tell me?"
Wg: "Sangeh meh!"
Km: "What? Wg, please, point... or something! Show me!"
Wg: "I said, SANGEH MEH!"
Km: *Looking hopelessly at Dg*
Dg: "He said, change him.''
Km: *looking in horror at Wg* "Why would I need to change you Wg?"
Wg: *sheepish*
Km: "Wg...."
Dg: "He probably pooped."
Wg: "Yup."
Km: "UGH! WG!!!!"

I am babysitting the boys tonight. Dad and Nh have gone on a date. I don't mind at all. The four or so hours they're gone has proven to be quite a stress reliever for me. I enjoy painting, taking walks, and reading with the boys.

Before Nh left she explained to me several things: Make sure not to get Dg's cast wet, Dg likes Ravioli and Wg doesn't... etc. etc. Most disconcerting of all these things is this: "Wg is wearing underwear now" (after this sentence she gives me a funny look and says...) "But he is by no means potty trained!" At which point my heart sunk into my stomach. She explained that he should be fine, and is pretty good at going potty. Every five minutes after she and dad left I asked Wg if he had to go to the bathroom. His response was always, "Nope Km!" I should have known better.

So now we're back at the beginning of the blog, this poop conversation. I tell Wg to go sit on the potty, as he walks away I can't see anything in his pants... so I sigh a sigh of relief. I am hoping he will do his business in the toilet. I walk into the bathroom to find a half dressed Wg with... well... poop all over his little white butt standing over the toilet. As I approach him I can see that he has dropped his underwear in the toilet. "WG! Why are your underwear in the toilet!?" Little Wg replies with, "You know, I am washing them." Simple. Silly.

The rest, is history.

On my very stressful day yesterday I had to deal with loaded underwear myself, courtesy of wg2. Only he had stepped in some and tracked it across the carpet. Lovely. I was upset and instead of swirling the soiled clothes in the toilet, I threw them away. I know, I'm a bad man.

I've now stepped out of the poopy underwear arena. I've asked why this can't be done with pull-ups, blessed, poop/pee containing pull-ups? No answer.

As a conscientious poo objector I can no longer support the war on poo if I have no defenses betwixt the poo and I. I've torn up my draft card and announced it from the high mountain tops. I know, I'm a bad man.

Nobody with the Big Feet: Reserved

You Just Don't Break the Code

When km17 was little I lived in a one bedroom apartment with only one bed. We slept side by side. She always awoke first. I, wanting to maximize even if it meant not optimizing my sleep, ignored her until one day she hauled off and clobbered me. Needless to say it woke me up.

After that we established a code. If you want me to wake up you have to kiss my cheek. The very next time she did and even though I didn't want to I got my lazy butt up. A few months after the code was in full swing I chose to ignore it. I thought it was cute, let's see how many kisses I can get. This is fun.

The next thing I remember was a loud ringing in my ear. km2 whacked me a good one right in the ear. You just don't break the code.

Breakfast in bed

In a healthy marriage there is no dictatorship. There may very well be areas of expertise, but the say is equal which means, 50/50, no controlling interest. I wanted to put an offer on a house yesterday. It met most of our criteria and nh wanted to look some more. For me, it was very frustrating.

I retreated into myself and got all over the kids - classic transference. "You're grumpy," dg4 said. "Because you aren't listening," I said. But really, I wanted 100% decision making power. I wanted dictatorship, but with a twist. I wanted nh's 100% agreement. We are a marriage, a team, companions. It was impossible to have both. It is a problem without a solution for me. The angst, the incredible all consuming angst!!!!! Man was it a tough day. My bride noticed.

This morning I awoke to a smell. My tummy wanted it to be a waffles smell. Nh makes very good waffles. But it wasn't a waffle smell. It was an eggs, toast and milk smell and it was brought to me in bed; consolation for a tough day. I confessed my feelings of the previous day to nh, my sorrow that they overtook me; a peace offering. I appreciated her gesture. I hope she appreciated mine; though really there is no apology, no honesty, like not doing the wrong thing twice.

Kids will wriggle, but casts are just painful

Househunting yesterday was exhausting. When we got home I firmly said to dg4, "We're going to just read one book and then it's off to bed." Dg4, completely ignoring me, brought about six books onto the bed. We read three. When we were done reading I rolled over and closed my eyes.

Dg4 asked if he could sleep in our bed. I said he needed to sleep in his own bed, but failed to actually take him there. I took off my glasses, without turning out the light and fell fast asleep in about one second. Sometime later I felt the rough exterior of a fiberglass cast pushing into and scraping down my back from the middle to the small of my back. It's the kind of thing that wakes one up. The light was out and my bride was nowhere in sight. Just me, dg4 and his very hard, very rough cast.

I was too tired to care, but distanced myself from the footclub. But alas, kids will wriggle and we were soon together again. We knocked heads, he kicked me, he threw his leg over top of me. A cast to the groin would have been icing on the cake. I thought it would never end, but it finally, finally did.

When the day dawned dg4 awoke. "Dad?" I ignored him. "Dad?" Ignored. For emphasis he climbed up on top of me. "Dad?" Ignored. I knew if he kissed my cheek I'd have to wake up, it's our code. He didn't kiss my cheek, got bored after one more, "Dad?" and went away. Ahhh, the bed all to myself.

NH- an addition to the facts.
This is why the kids are forbidden to sleep with us in bed. When they come in they get the floor for good reason. When I saw dg4 sleeping with gm in bed I grabbed my pillows and slept in Dan's bed. I slept very nicely. TeeHee.

Guns...again.

Today dg4 wanted to shoot birds and his younger brother immediately parroted, "I want to shoot birds too Dad."
"We're not shooting any birds."
"Why not?"
"Why do you want to shoot birds?"
"To eat." Parrot, "To eat."
"We don't need to shoot birds to eat."
"What if I want to be a hunter when I grow up?" Parrot, "Yeah, a hunter Dad?"
"Then you can have a gun when you grow up."
"When can I have a B-B gun?"
"Never."
"When I'm sixteen?"
"Yes, when you're sixteen."
"How long is that?" uggghh.

When I was a kid my Dad was teaching me to use a B-B gun. We were on the front steps of our house on Tiffin Ave. A bird flitted on the tree in front of us. My dad took aim and bam, that bird fell deader than a door nail. Wow! my Dad was the best shot there is, I beamed with pride...for about one second.

Me, Dad, KK - courtesy of Mom

A baby bird flitted down to the dead bird and just kind of stayed there. My Dad was instantly sorry. He'd not only killed one bird, but likely the baby bird as well. I think my Dad felt a great sorrow over that mother bird. I never saw him shoot at any living thing again.

On his sense of humor

We've decided to keep dg4 out of kindergarten though he only misses the cut off by a few weeks and some schools will let him in. We want to keep him home, because we're selfish and we love him and we want another year with him before we ship him off every day to school for the rest of his life.

However, he's a smart bloke and I have a plan. I'm going to work with him for at least 1/2 hr. every day for the next year. I'm hoping if he does well when he goes into kindergarten and can read and has great math skills they will catapult him to first grade. That way we get to keep him another year and he still ends up where he should probably be.

Today we read In A People House by Theo. LeSieg and we were discussing the finer points of compound words like GOLDFISH and BATHTUB. He went funny on me when we got to the word buttons (I know, not compound). B-U-TT spells butt. *giggles* O-N spells on.
"So put them together and what do they spell?"
"On a lot of butts!" *Outrageous laughter* We couldn't help it. The real question is why?

He thinks he's so funny; it's funny. Here's a joke he told us tonight.
"Why did the elephant sit on the grass?"
"I don't know, why?"
"So he could itch his back." We laughed, he laughed. The real question is why?

How hard can it be?

I have a friend I met about a year ago. He has a lot of challenges. He is a paranoid schizophrenic and alcoholic. Because of the schizo designation her receives SSI, a social security disability program and so receives a stipend each month. His health care is socialized.

Because of his alcoholism his stipend usually runs out by the end of the month, so this morning when I picked him up for church and said he looked like he was losing weight I wasn't surprised to hear him say that he only had $.80 per day for the rest of the month and he wasn't eating much.

On the way home from church I was lamenting my busy schedule and complaining I needed my lawn mowed. I then put two and two together and asked if he'd mow the lawn for dinero.

"Sure," he replied. "I want to mow it."
He's an academic fellow so with some scrutiny I asked, "Do you know how to run a lawnmower?"
He replied, "Yeah, sure."
"You have no idea how to use a lawnmower do you?"
He hesitated, looked away and looked back, "No, no I don't. But how hard can it be?"
"Don't come if you've been drinking."
"No, of course not."

Tomorrow at 5pm I put him to the test for $10. He's hungry and dry. We'll see how he does. He has a good heart.

Old McDonald had a Zoo?

Yesterday we were driving around looking at homes we can't afford. Dg4 said, "Mom, my ankle itches inside my cast." nh said, "Let's sing a song. How about Old McDonald had a zoo?" The singing commenced. I didn't join in, I was grumpy, but I did pick a cheetah when asked. When the singing was over dg4 said, "Mom, the singing did take my mind off of it for awhile, but it still itches." Nice try Mom.

**An edit - Old McDonald had a Zoo was dg4's idea. I should've known; creative monkey.

School's In

You knew what it was when you picked it up, or you should have.
I'm sorry it's hurtful. I know it hurts, but none of us can see all ends. It may yet work for your good. You knew what it was when you picked it up, or you should have.

Take That! Feel my Wrath!

When we were out of town Grandma MM graduated him to underwear during the daytime. Accidents are still frequent. However, sometimes he pees with a will.

A week or so ago, wg2 was outside blowing bubbles. There were the smallest of ants travelling at his feet. Wg2 lifted his left heel off of the ground to provide a clear shot and commenced peeing through his underwear and down his leg to the filing ants.

His mother asked him, "What are you doing?"
"I'm, I'm, I'm peeing on the ants."
"Why?"
"Because they're bad."

Though his speech is at time halting and stuttered, his actions are rarely so.

A house is not a home

A lot happened here. It is our first home. Our children were born here. We both finished our degrees under this roof. dg4 broke his first bone here...awwwww. The memories are thick. If I sit and meditate they waft over me. But then one of the boys crawls into my lap with a book or wants to make ice and I realize it's more fun to make new memories.

When I pack up this house, I will leave without regrets. I will also leave with thanksgiving to my wife, children, family and friends who make our house a home, wherever the house may be.

An offer we can't refuse

We've received an offer on our house. It is the only good offer we've received. Our house was range priced from $235 to $255. Our first offer was $236. We countered at $246. They countered @$238. And on the same day we received a second offer. Our agent sent out paperwork stating that we were entertaining multiple offers, though the second offer was only $215. The first bidder countered our counter at $243, but only if we would sign papers right away. We signed. The inspection was today at noon.

First let me say this is all stressful. We wanted to move because we wanted to get our kids into a better neighborhood and out of "THE" hood. We want them in better schools and where there are other kids to play with. We want them where there is less crime. Our current neighborhood is Tucson's domestic violence capital.

So, we want a better neighborhood, but nh and I have multiple demands. When I asked nh what was important to her she said, in this order, "Centrally located." "Yes. What else?" "I want to be central." "I know you do. What else?" "I want to live central." Grrrrrrr. nh likes living central a great deal if you haven't noticed. She wanted to make her point as I had made suggestions closer to my work and far out to the southeast.

Back to the list. Central, Safe, Good School District, Close Work Out Facility, Cul de Sac, Pool, Nice Lot Size, A/C, Energy Efficient, 2 Baths, (did I mention centrally located?). I added Affordable payment, Length of time we intend to stay and we both want a reasonable drive to family and my work. Whoo, what a list. Oh, and I've added one other consideration for me; I want to buy a house at the lowest possible $/Sq. Ft. This market stinks, a house is an investment and we should be able to find a house that will appreciate like nobody's business that we can capitalize on when the market comes back. The capitalist in me I guess.

After a couple of days searching I can find nothing central we can afford. I have not stopped looking, but have had no luck. I have located houses way out Southeast and near my work we can look at, but both locations mean sacrifice. We look at more houses tomorrow. Here's hoping.

In which he breaks his foot

This is the very moment it happened. In an earlier post I noted that my bright sister asked me if I thought this activity was a good idea. I said it'd be fine. Well, it wasn't exactly fine by the time it was all done. The boys were lifting the mattress up against the wall and then letting go and trying to outrun it as it fell. dg4 tripped and broke the metatarsal bone over his big toe.

The Doctor said he probably didn't need a cast, but there was a chance it wouldn't heal right and because it was in his growth plate his big toe could stop growing. Hence the cast.

This is the worker bee. He was a nice guy. dg4 was shy and didn't say much. You see he chose a red cast. When the doctor asked him his favorite colors he said, "Blue and green and white," but chose red. Go figure.

I tried to pump him up, but when the cast was finished the first thing he said was that he didn't like it. He asked how many nights he'd have to wear it. It was heavy.
"Two nights?"
"No, more nights than that."
"3 Nights?"
"No. More."
"4 nights?"
"No Son, fourteen nights."
"Fourteen? awwww."

Because he behaved so well we took him for ice cream. At the ice cream place a family with a little girl came in. As we left he said, "I think that little girl was looking at my cast." I haven't heard any complaints since then.

For me the remarkable thing is that his foot was broken for 8 days before we took him to the doctor. He was a champ about it the whole time, good spirits, happy boy. When he continued to favor the foot nh took him to the doctor's office. He did well. Makes me feel like a crappy parent that it took us so long to come around to it.

Urban Legend

When I was a kid I lived on Aggie Circle in El Paso, TX. I don't remember much about it I liked. Smurf's were big then, about 1981. There were a lot of urban legends going around about how a Smurf stuffed doll ripped and it began to bleed. It was all nonsense, but I was 11.

gj was 8 and she owned a stuffed Papa Smurf, leader of the clan. She would make her bed and put Papa on her pillow each morning. Girls.

One night I stole into her room as she readied for bed and hid in the corner. I was going to scare the crap out of her. She beebopped into bed, got under the covers and threw that Papa Smurf right at me. "She sees me!" I thought, so I threw the Papa Smurf back at her.

Well, she hadn't see me and that night at least, my Mom rocked her to sleep.

Freaking out over nothing

dg4 will often say his stomach hurts. If you feed him the pain goes away. I've often wondered why he says it that way, "My stomach hurts." Does he know it's hunger? If not, why not?

When he says his stomach hurts I begin to think, "Oh no, could something be wrong?" Or "Does he have cancer?" or "Can kids have ulcers?" If he could just learn to say he's hungry I'd have less stress.

My Father-in-Law

When nh and I were first married we lived in a guest house. Later we bought the property and remodeled the guest house. I was sure I could do it in two weeks. My Father-in-Law and in-law clan came over to help us over Christmas break. The next August I gave up trying to do the drywall mud and hired a guy to help me finish. I was green man.

Anyway, my Father-in-Law said something at the end of one work day that characterizes the man for me, "What time do you want us over tomorrow?" Not, "Do you want us over tomorrow?" or "Do you need us?" but "What time do you want us over tomorrow?"

Asking for help can be very humbling. I was feeling very humble and a little like an idjit about the whole deal. When I realized he was in for the long haul it just made me feel better, not alone. I've never forgotten that and I hope I never do. Our family has always been such a great help to us.

A Tale of Two Tables....and a Mother-in-Law

The table on the right is new (to us). I bought it this morning at a garage sale next to my Sister's house for $80. The table on the left we've had for many years. It wasn't supposed to be a table, it was supposed to be a bug zapper.

It's broken. It's needed refinished since it was purchased. My beloved and her Mom re-fabriced the chairs a while back. The cool thing about the old table is that the legs come out from the center of the table, so there is no whacking your knees on the corners.The old table also comes with lots of leaves so it expands to seat many people. And we occasionally find ourselves needing to seat many people.

The one chair has paint on it from when I stood on it to paint. My good wife asked me if I wanted a cover for it. I said, "No, if I get paint on it I'll just refinish it." At the time I didn't know it was a lie. The truth is the whole table needs a good refinishing, but I have very little inclination to do it. Well, if I'm telling the truth, no inclination to do it.

When I bought the table nh wasn't with me. I called her, told her I thought it was a great deal on a good table. She said exactly what I thought she would say, "How will we seat everyone when they come over?" "We'll work it out," I said and I bought the thing.

When I got it home nh said it was ugly. I threw our old table under the bus, pointed out all the warts, said I wanted to throw it in the garbage. And here's where it gets sticky. My good wife was offended.

I explained that I meant no personal offence, that what I was saying about the table didn't have anything to do with her personally, but it didn't matter much. I immediately said I'd do whatever she wanted. I'd sell the garage sale table. As I began to list it at Craig's list. She said, "I think it just means more to me because my Mom got us the table."

It is true that my Mother-in-Law got us the table. We gave her $50 dollars for a bug zapper because the 'sqeaters eat nh alive and there was a deal on one at a membership store to which we did not belong. Instead, in her infinite "I know what's good for you" wisdom she picked up the table at a garage sale, no chairs, just the table.

When I asked where the chairs were she said, "At the garage sale, they're $50 dollars."

Like a doofus, I stated the obvious question, "You got us a table with no chairs?" Anyway, we went and bought the chairs. We never did get the bug zapper.

I love my Mother-in-Law. She's a pushy dame and I like that about her...most of the time. She is determined and willing to do what it takes to get a thing done. She loves her family and does more than say it. The boys love to go to her house. Sometimes I think we find each other very frustrating, as with the table, but I wouldn't trade her in for anything...except maybe for a really cool BMW. I love BMW's.

So I'll admit there are some thing's I don't understand. I don't understand how insulting a table is offensive to my wife. I don't understand why the need to seat everyone .0005% of the time is such a large part of the decision making process. (Isn't that what folding chairs are for?) And I don't understand how my bug zapper became a table. I can only say for sure that I've been glad for the table all of these years.

A family meeting: A debrief

The meeting went well. The decisions are tough. The stress is high for Dad and MA. Here's how it all went down:

Grandma has a wound that started as a bed sore. There is dead skin in the wound that will prevent it from healing. She is either lying on it or sitting on it 24/7 which prevents it from healing as well. I'm also told her Diabetes prevents healing. A second bed sore has now appeared and will likely connect with the first. Though the wound isn't healing, it is being taken care of well.

If the wound is ever to heal the dead tissue must be removed. This surgery would turn what is a baseball sized would into a softball sized wound. The upside is she 'might' heal and recover from the bedsore completely, it cannot happen otherwise. The downside: it may take a year for the wound to heal, she will be confined to her bed, she is at high risk for pneumonia and infection during the recovery period, the pain may be excruciating in which case she would be medicated into a stupor until she recovers or gives out.

The other option is to do nothing, prolong her life, make her comfortable. The wound would not heal and eventually she will die, though the time frame can't really be guessed at.

Lots of discussion ensued. The parents were sensitive and less open to possibilities than we were. Brother eb was open for anything, in my opinion almost new agish with thoughts about the power of the mind to aid recovery etc... It provided a nice diversity to work through options.

We asked ourselves what we would do, if it were our parents? What would we want done if we were in Grandma's position? We looked at it from plenty of angles.

None of us can see all ends. I choose surgery for her. I'd want it if it were me, I'd have done it for everyone else in the family if they couldn't choose for themselves. At the time I don't think I'd thought through why, I just felt strongly that surgery would be my choice for Grandma. Since then I've thought about why and it comes down to two things, Grandma and hope.

Grandma is a saucy dame. She'd say she wants to live even if she doesn't fully understand the risks or potential pitfalls of surgery or recovery for her. I believe she'd risk it. I do believe that's what she wants. Tonight when I asked her if she wanted the surgery she said, "If it will help me get better." Amen.

And then there is Paul who wrote, "For our sakes, no doubt, this is written that he that ploweth should plow in hope." If we choose no surgery, we choose death. If we choose surgery, we choose life. We sow the seeds believing the crops will come in. We operate believing she will live. I choose life for her, I sow in hope.

Ill-Logical

nh and I just watched a Japanese guy set a new world record for the 100 meter breast stroke. It seems to me he should win. His whole country is surrounded by water for crying out loud. Isn't swimming part of some sort of emergency preparedness plan for Japan? So he probably started earlier than everyone. Anyway, it's cool to see someone set a world record. Congrats Japanese guy.

A family meeting

Dad called tonight.
"Can you come over to the house Tuesday night @ 7:30? We need to talk about Grandma."
"Okay, what about Grandma?"
"We'll just talk about it then."
"If you don't tell me I'll obsess about it until then."
"Well, okay. Grandma's dying. We need to talk about how we want that to happen."
"Okay, I'll be there."

I didn't ask what he meant by, "We need to talk about how we want that to happen." I guess I just didn't want to put him on the spot. I thought more questions could wait. It's all hard enough. To talk about it once, together will have to be enough. We're all thinking about it non-stop anyway.

I miss the kids

I'm not sure if it's normal. I hate, hate, hate to be away from the kids. I don't like to leave them. I'm never happier than when they are all together and I'm with them. I couldn't wait to get home and see them.

When we came in dg4 yelled, "Mom! Dad!" He ran to the door with kisses and hugs. I was the first in the door and he was very interested in where his mother's whereabouts. wg2 ran around the corner, gave what seemed an obligatory hug and ran back into the room. He just doesn't show his feelings much I guess. He certainly didn't wait to pile on when the wrestling began.

What if you die?

Before we left for Utah dg4 made me nervous.

"What if you die?"
"We're not going to die."
"But what if you do?"
"We won't."
"But what if you go near an edge?"
"Like a cliff? Don't worry, I don't think there are any cliffs." Actually, I now know there are a few.
"What if you fall asleep?"
"I won't."
"But what if you do?"
"I'll have mommy drive."
"What if mommy is tired."
"I'll drive."
"What if you're both tired?" Geez.
"We'll get a hotel."
"What if there isn't one?"
"We'll sleep in the car. Don't worry buddy, we're not going to die, I promise."

After the conversation I called my Dad, Sister and Mother-in-law and asked them, "Do you guys know who we want to have custody of the kids if we die?" Needless to say he got me thinking about it all. As it turns out, all is well, we didn't die. It was a promise I really wanted to keep. By the way, for the blog record anyway, Sariah gets the kids.

He loves the gifts

We left the kids with Grandma MM when we drove to UT. We didn't think having the kids with us for 26 hrs of driving over 3 days would leave any of us sane. We promised dg4 we'd bring him something back. His mom went down the street to a garage sale while we were there and picked him up two stuffed animals named, "scaly " and "swampy." We told him one is a Komodo Dragon and that works becuase he's really into the Komodo Dragon right now. The other one is a croc. I think he liked them.

A friend, a bride

nh and I just made a 26 hour trek to Farmington, UT and back to attend the reception of a friend. We all met when she was a missionary in our ward for 6 1/2 months. During that time 13 people she and her companion taught decided to join the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. She and her companion certainly had a wonderful spirit about them.

When she was with us she particularly liked the grilled cheese and cereal dinners we provided. That's just us, fancy schmancy. When I would butt heads with her companion she was the peace maker. I always appreciated that about her. She is a tree hugger. She educated me about the benefits of throwing your food in the garbage instead of throwing it down the garbage disposal. We've missed her.

We wish her happiness, long life, many little ones and a very clean environment! She and the groom shoved cake, but all of our pictures were blurry. Dang! She is a beautiful bride.

Post 100, reserved for the Mrs.

I've been asked to be a guest writer in honor of Gm's 100th post. So here goes.

Since the details differ slightly on how we met I'm going to set the record straight. Gm & I met in my 1st semester out of high school in Art 100. I took the class so I could get into photo classes. Gm was just coming back to school after a break. Gm first came up to me while we were doing perspective drawings outside of a Pima Community College building. He sat down on the edge of an ash tray full of water. I offered him a seat on the bench besides me but he was to busy being a gentlemen. The next week Gm asked me if "I'd like to go see Braveheart?" I said, "I'd like to go see a movie with him but not that one." He replied, "Your Mormon aren't you." I was a little embarrassed but answered, "Yes." We ended up going to see The Net with Sandra Bullock.

Later on into our engagement time I found out that when Gm learned that I lived in Rita Ranch he didn't want to come pick me up for our first date. So I drove to Gm's apartment and picked him up. Let me add that I truly believe that our being together was destined because I did not know Gm's phone number, nor the name of his apartment complex and I had only being driving for 2 months at the time of our first date. But I made it and we had a great time at the movies.

After the movie Gm invited me to his apartment for ice cream. I remember talking to Ah before my date telling her that I didn't know that much about Gm and that if he tried anything that I was going to punch him. So I went into Gm's apartment and Gm opened up his windows and front door to make me feel at ease. I was so nervous that while we sat to eat our ice cream I sat on the coffee table as close to the door and far away from Gm. I didn't know what Gm's expectations were and I didn't want to waste time on him so as nervous as I was I told him what my expectations were. Number one I didn't smoke and I wasn't going to smoke. Two I didn't drink and I wasn't going to and three I was going to be married in the temple and there wasn't anything that was going to stop me. My body & voice was all shaky. And after I finished my shpiel Gm grabbed the remote I had been sitting on and hadn't even noticed.

Later he told me that what I had told him was such a breath of fresh air that he had been looking for and that I had hooked him from that very moment. Three months later we were engaged and 1 year later we were sealed in the San Diego Temple.

I don't love you. I don't like you. You're bad.

Tonight I told wg2 he couldn't have anymore special treats.
He told me, "I don't love you. I don't like you. You're bad."
It's the first time I remember any of my kids saying that to me. I realize at this age he's closer to monkey than man, but it still hurt my feeling a smidge. It seems like it shouldn't, but it does.

Fiction

"You're life's about to change."
"I don't want it to change."
"Too late for that, no matter what you do, you're about to be different. What are you going to do?"
"I don't want it."
"What does that mean?"
"It means I don't want it."
"I heard you."
"I'll figure it out."
"I'm not leaving until you tell me what you mean."
"I want an abortion."
"Why not adoption?"
"I don't want to get close to it."
"You don't have to be close to it. They take it away right after."
"But it will kick. It will move. It will grow. I know I'll bond with it."
"You don't know it. You've never done it."
"Neither have you."
"No. I haven't, but if I'd had my way we wouldn't be having this discussion at all."
"It's not a discussion."
"That's what your mother said. It's the only time I remember being grateful she was selfish."

In a rare moment, she lost it.

The boys are at a tough age. If they are left to direct their own activities, look out! Yesterday morning nh let me sleep in. It was a sweet gesture, but what I woke to was a rampage. The boys were roaming through the house screaming and fighting (after all they are 2 and 4). It got on nh's last nerve and she lost it. It was the adults turn to scream.

So yes, I got up. I walked into dg4's room and just said, "Good morning" and talked with him, not about his behavior, not about pushing his mom over the edge, but just about how he was doing this morning and whatever. A few minutes later his mom walked by, the one raging just a few minutes earlier. Dg4 said, "You look pretty Mom" as she walked by. He is very sweet.

We talked later that night. Having kids can be overwhelming some times, but if you have a plan, if you can think of how to manage them, they will respond. (I don't speak as FatheredFive might because we have only two little ones, nevertheless). We talked about a plan. We talked about the kids. We talked about nh and I as parents.

It was better than t.v. It brought a little peace into our home. I don't think you plan a family and that's it. I think you plan a family continuously. It is an every day job. And while a little down time in front of the tube is inviting and maybe even good, discussing and planning for the needs of our family is always a more satisfying affair. God give us the strength to do it often.

***Published with permission of nh. Yes, I asked permission.

"Love is a pressure I can bear."

Tonight cousin Z spent the night with dg and wg. They were playing a game where they lifted up the mattress on end and let it fall on them. Sis said, "I don't know if you want them doing what they're doing." I said, "It's okay." Sis and fam left, except Z, and about 5 minutes later wg got clobbered and cried. A few minutes after that dg4 got clobbered and cried. Oh well, the important thing is that the borrowed child is unharmed and the others will heal.

dg was really struggling with the pain. I got him out of the bath and held him tight. He calmed down. It reminded me of when any of my kids were small and we'd swaddle them tight. We really learned the lesson one night when dg4 was new in the world.

It was late at night and dg wouldn't be comforted. A big, burly nurse came in, wrapped him (too?) tight and he quieted instantly. Swaddling. I learned to get good at it.

I also remember when km was 2ish. She always got bad ear aches and the doctors recommended we put tubes in her ears. They put her under while they performed the procedure. When she came to she was a disoriented, hysterical mess. She wanted her mom, she wanted me, she wanted her mom, she wanted me. Finally I grabbed her, held her close and tight and after a few seconds she calmed down and was okay.

There's just something comforting about being held tight I think. In the words of Eleanor of Aquitaine, "Love is a pressure I can bear."

Knock Knock

dg4 loves to tell knock knock jokes. He knows they are supposed to be funny. What eludes him is that they are funny for a reason, not simply because you begin a small dialogue with knock knock. I just tucked him in and this is how it went down.

"Dad, can I talk to you?"
"Sure." I crawl up onto the top bunk, lie down and put my arm under his head.
"Okay, I have a knock knock joke."
"Okay, only two though."
"Okay, Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"Ummmmmmmm, apple."
"Apple who?"
"Apple banana sticks." Laughter.

"Okay, what's the next one."
"Knock Knock."
"Who's there?"
"Ummmmmmmm. Ummmmmmm. Buggy."
"Buggy who?"
"Buggy B'dolphian," is his response as he holds a stuffed Shamu in his hand.
"You crazy kid. Alright, go to sleep."
"Will you check on me?" He asks every night no matter what.
"Of course, I always check on you." And I rush off to write down Buggy B'dolphian.

A day together

nh, dg4, wg2 and I spent the day together. We were fortunate to have km come for dinner. Very few things are as nice for me as a day together.

I want to be 3

wg2 is no longer content to be 2. He insists that he be 3. We try to reason with the 2 year old in vain. What are we thinking? wg2 wants to emulate his brother so bad, to be big like him. It's really cute actually.

A story from wg2

Once upon a time there was a bad guy in the village and Mowgli had to get Baloo. And then the long tail Shere Khan the tiger got the fire and Baloo was dead and Mowgli saw that he was dead and the other story was at our house.

Signed WG2

Spelling

dg4 is learning his letters. He is also learning to read. Today he looked me right in the eye and said, "D-A-D spells troublemaker." I'd say he's coming along fine.

km

km was over tonight. I love it when she's over. She has a charm and a dark side. The more I'm around her the more I get to see her dark side. It can be very, very cold. Brrrrrr. But I realize it's part of where she is sometimes, part of where she's at and I try to make no big deal of it.

She's agreed to come over tomorrow night. I dig it. I really enjoy her company. I made a crack about us never fighting because we're not close. She said, "We fight!" She then recited some old ones.

The truth is, and I know she'll read this because she's as OCD about blogging as I am, she seldom shares what's really going on, the important stuff in her life. I don't know, maybe kids her age don't, but it creates a distance, prevents a closeness I share with her brothers, who, granted are 2 and 4. I don't know. Just some feelings a father has.

Lunch

This morning the boys were up when I left. dg4 has often helped to prepare my lunch. Today he offered again. wg2 chimed in immediately and wanted to help as well.

wg2 went to the fridge and brought back the following: A tub of coolwhip, one hot dog, and one child's yogurt. I said, "I can't take that for lunch." I looked at his confused face and quickly said, "You know what? Yes I can," and I put it in my lunch sack. What sweet boys.

A child's prayer

Tonight dg4 asked God to "bless that we can go fishing on a big boat and catch a big swordfish someday." The other night dg4 thanked God for a long littany of things including dirt. I had to interject quickly at a break, "In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."

"I want it now." - Veruca Salt

Today I had the privilege to take my family to the movies. I picked up some candy. I made the mistake of opening it before the movie. It's all about the gratification.

nh's weight watcher inspirational type person said quitting alcoholism was easier than losing weight. She says it's because when you quit alcohol and lock it away you're done. But when you are trying to lose weight you have to let the tiger out at least three times a day. I get that.