It's a question I ask myself recently. I want to be a blessing to her.
Today as I was driving I was listening to the Diane Ream show on NPR. Diane Ream is like one-thousand years old or something, but her program is very interesting.
Today they were talking about relationships of folks who are marrying late because they're widowers or something. Like somebodies 70 year old mother was getting married.
Two ideas bugged me. One was the comment that many of these late age married folks claim they have NEVER had a better relationship. A discussion of the reasons why might be intriguing, but I couldn't get past the feeling that I want my Beloved to feel that way about the marriage she's in, not after I'm dead with some other husband.
Secondly, a woman wrote in to say that after 35 years of marriage her husband still loves her, but she does not love him, what could she do? Ugggghhh. What a nightmare. I don't want that either. I want my wife to have a happy fulfilling life, but I'll admit I'm not a blessing as much as I could be, not by a long shot.
Dr. Kevin Lehman wrote a book called "Sex Begins in the Kitchen." Weird, I know. But the idea is that there are many things you can do to improve your spouses health and well-being and it starts with taking out the trash, or doing the dishes, or whatever you can do to take the burden off of her, to carry the load in what should be an equal partnership. We men should do extra stuff, special stuff too, but getting in the trenches is the best way to show your spouse you're committed to her, that you love her, that you really care for her well being. I think that's right.
I want to be a good husband. I don't want my wife to not love me after 35 years of marriage. I think the primary issue was put like this today by Diane's guest. As we experience life changes such as job changes, home changes, kids, or maybe even illness that it changes us as people. And the spouse we're married to today isn't that same one we married 10 years ago, and we're not the same either. So in a sense we find ourselves in several different marriages over one relationship. We have to adapt, adjust, reset our course and move fluidly as the needs of our partner and our own needs change.
I'll admit, kids have rocked me oddly. I love them very much. I look forward to seeing them everyday, to hearing from them, to being together, but I have not managed the most important relationship in my family life soundly. I feel after some thought I'm neglecting the person I love the most, even though she doesn't say it. I think for us all I have to try harder. I love my wife and I want to be the blessing to her that I find she is to me.
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