My older sister

I've been thinking a lot about my older sister, kk. She gave me a cigarette to smoke when I was five. I should thank her for it because I choked so much I've never wanted to be within 100 miles of a cig since.

We fight. I never thought we were birds of a feather. I like her kid's father, the one I know. I like my nieces and nephew, but kk and I haven't found common ground outside of other relatives. This bothers me, but it's a problem I don't know how to resolve. I don't hate her, I hope for her success, but it feels a little like pins and needles to me when we're together.

I once spoke of kk before I really thought about what I was saying. I said, "kk is a person other people she meets will love...until they get to know her." I don't know if it was fair or right to say that, but she absolutely has a certain charm.

When I was a kid my sister and I fought. I also saw her deck one kid who had me treed. (I had a big mouth so when running didn't provide an escape, climbing was the next best thing) I wonder if she decked the kid because she was protective or because she liked to fight. I once went to McDonald's for lunch and upon arrival saw a huge ring of kids in a rock lot next door. I went to see who the Romans were feeding to the lions. Wouldn't you know it, it was kk on the back of a black girl. Kk had a hand full of hair and was repeatedly smashing the girls face into the rocks. I remember not buying lunch that day. I just went back to school.