A child's prayer

dg5, "Dear Heavenly Father, we're thankful for all you've given us. We're thankful for Jesus and that you sent him to do all the work. We know you don't like doing any work. And we're thankful for him. And we hope we all get to live with you again. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen."

She's a Feisty Sheila

Little Planters

Personal Space

Ever since I've been coaching dg5's soccer team he wants to spend every waking moment doing something with me. I really love it. I know there will be a time when he'll want to be anywhere, but with me.

Yesterday we played Legos, Light Saber Fighting, War, Sorry and watched Prince of Egypt together. In the evening I wanted a little space so when nh wanted to go on a walk I was grateful and stayed behind. It wasn't long and they came home and both boys were on my knees and I was trying to use the computer. It was ridiculous to keep trying. I guess I can wait for the personal space when they stop wanting to hang out in 8 to 10 years. It is a great blessing to be loved so much.

Maybe we'll work on everybody getting quiet time soon.

Dg5 Insights

Dg5's teacher shared her opinion of dg5 after having him in class for awhile now. We pretty much knew it, but she said it well.

Dg5 is a 5 year old who will size up a situation. He has anxiety, trepidation with new situations. On his first day of school he'll walk to the lunch room and while he's trying to decide where to sit the seats will all fill up. He won't know what to do, he'll feel anxious. We agree. I love to have this confirmed from a second source because we can develop strategies to prepare him for it.

He's also very equitable and won't allow others to behave poorly without a word. He very politely tells kids a thing isn't fair, or could you please get off our dirt pile because he knows I don't want people on it. I love this about him. He could clam up, be afraid, shiver, but he doesn't, he addresses it and that takes a certain kind of courage. We'll see what happens the first time a kid clobbers him for not keeping his opinions to himself.

He's a pleaser. He strives to be obedient. He rarely gets in trouble because he knows and respects boundaries. Oh and he's hilarious. I love his sense of humor. I mean it, the kid is funny.

Magic

Off with the training wheels. It's time. Heck, it's past time. He's so big now that when he leans the training wheels actually bend.

So it's time to suit up. I never had pads or a helmet. I have the scars and brain damage to prove it, but today we know better. We can protect them. Only one thing left to do, wrap him in packing bubbles and hope he can pedal wrapped up.

This might be the first big thing for me. He has to go to school in the fall, but in many ways teaching him to ride his bike without training wheels is a symbolic step to independence, to the exhiliration and joy of freedom. The wind in his hair, speed through the power of his own two legs, great speeds, the world whizzing by. I'm familiar with it.

I'll let go, he'll crash. I'll let go, he'll crash. He may want to give up, but he'll go again and when he gets it the feeling will seem like magic. Heck, it will be magic. Maybe letting go isn't so bad.

They said it

wg3 asked tonight if I ever died.

wg3 is preoccupied with his size right now. He wants to be as tall as dg5, but he isn't. As we talked about it tonight for the umpteenth time dg5 said, "He may be small, but he's very important."

I brought home flowers tonight for nh. I explained tonight that pollen is what attracts bees and it also causes allergies in people.
"But we don't eat it."
"No silly, of course we don't."
"But you eat peanut butter." He's allergic to peanut butter. Hmmm, silly me. Kids really do connect the dots.

A Sealing

Two Saturdays past we had the privilege of witnessing a family come together in the Temple to be sealed. This is one year after baptism. A father returned, an eldest son baptized, a few weeks later a mother baptized and after that, the youngest son was baptized. Having remained true to their covenants they made the trip and find themselves now on the highest path a family can take, a path whose destination resides in eternity, the path home.

I loved to be with them in the Temple. The Temple is evidence of Christ's sacrifice, of His Atonement and of His love for us all. The Temple stands as a witness that Heavenly Father sees what we can be, that he expects us to strive to meet the very highest standards, that we are expected to meet the full measure of our creation. I am grateful for the Wilkins. I am grateful for the Temple. I am grateful for my family. Today my joy is full.

Intelligence is the Glory of God

I'm convinced God made so many ants because he knew little boys would annihilate at least half.

Dad, wg3 is President

Yesterday when I came home I had to take a spigot apart and pack it with teflon so it would seal and thereby use all of the plumbing I buried for the sole purpose of watering the garden. nh had the boys and their cousins upstairs and it sounded like they were playing a game.

After the spigot I laid down the laser tubing for the watering of the plants. As I neared completion of the laser tubing task wg3 opened the patio door and cried, "Dad, wg3 is President, wg3 is President."

What is he talking about is what I was thinking, but he was so excited I just shook his hand and heartily congratulated him.

Come to find out he had drawn a card in the game of Life that said he was president. A nice little surprise for a nice little fella!

The Brain is Ticking

I have a song for a ring tone. The song is the theme song to Firefly, a TV series by Joss Wheaton.

Take my love. Take my land. Take me where I cannot stand.
I don't care. I'm still free. You can't take the skies from me.
Take me out to the black, tell them I ain't coming back.
Burn the land, boil the seas, you can't take the skies from me

There's no place I can see, since I found Serenity
You can't take the sky from me.

I sing this song to myself often. I like it.

The other day wg3 says, "That man flys in outer space."
"What man?"
"That man in the song." Hmmmm. That's pretty good insight for a 3 year old I think.

In Vain

Each morning I rise before anyone else. I shower, shave, brush teeth etc... Most mornings wg3 arises, wanders in and keeps me company. He is always eager to hand me my towel, to get the shower door, to pick out my shirt and pants. If dg5 rises, which doesn't happen often these days, they will compete over who can pack my lunch. It's all very interesting if you ask me. I wonder what it all means?

This morning as I dried off wg3 asked me, "What is in vain?"
"What?"
"What does in vain mean?"
"What are you saying?"
"IN VAIN! What does it mean?"
"You mean like, don't take the name of the Lord in vain?"
"Yeah, what does that mean?"

We've been trying to direct his speech down safe paths. Here's hoping.

Not at all manly

I took a basketball to the face tonight. I busted my glasses and cut my nose. Under normal circumstances I may proudly brag about the scars of war, except the game hadn't started yet and I never touched the ball with anything but my face the whole night.

I'm blind withouts me spectacles so I promptly left and found a place that fixed me up free of charge. In the end, I wonder if it's a subconscious way of getting out of exercise. Oh insidious mind!

Helping Hands

Today we glued the capstones on the garden wall. The boys wanted to help. Wg3's hands are just too little for the caulk gun and though we tried our best he soon went on to other pursuits. Then there were two, dg5 and I. Dg5 got better as we went and before long the task was complete.

It's funny how working together fosters close feelings between people. When we were nearly done dg5 said, "I don't know if I should say it or do it." Sweat dripped in my eyes. "Just do it buddy, c'mon." He then pointed to me and crossed his arms over his chest. He tells me this means 'I love you' in sign language.

I don't think he ever expresses the sentiment so earnestly as when we're working side by side.

The book that took seven years

How to Keep Your Family Together When the World is Falling Apart is signed by the author, Dr. Kevin Lehman. My Mother-in-Law gave it to me 7 years ago. I like non-fiction, mostly histories, but I just never started and when I did it was hard to keep going. However, I vowed to read no other books until I finished it and at long last I have.

The plan was always to pass it on to the next kid in the family. Someone that might read it.

It's very practical, with lots of executable ideas. I wonder who in the family might be open to improvement? The ones who are willing probably need it least. Maybe that's why it took me seven years to get to and plow through. I think I'll send it to Aunt SJ. In keeping with my theory, she probably doesn't need it. I guess in the end I'm just going with who might actually read it. I probably wasn't the optimum choice to begin with.

Though I would not plod through it again, I would happily reference it often. I did learn a great deal. I may get a copy of my own to keep on the shelf for just that purpose. Thanks Mom.

Let it Grow

Here I am, happy to help and cheap labor.

Here are the boys planting seeds.
Dg5 went all pirate and said, "Gaaaaarrrrden" for the picture.
He has a wonderful sense of humor.


Here are the boys, happy to help...and cheap labor.

I know Batman and it's Batmen

It's all fun and saving the day until you catch them unawares.

Apnea

I've got it, a mild case, but I've got it. I told my new doc I'm fatigued all of the time. So he sent me for a sleep test. Now I wear nose plugs at night so I hit and stay in REM. I had 7 physical blockages of my airway and 7 centrals. A central is when my brain just forgets to send the signal to tell me to breathe. Thanks Brain. This number didn't seem like a lot, but then they told me there were 76 mini-apneas and I guess that's a lot.

My doc and I made a deal. Lose some weight. Get my cholesterol down. My bad is 170 and he tells me it is supposed to be below 100 and ideally below 70. So lose some weight and see me in two months. Can you give me three I say? Sure, but lose some weight he says or we're going to put you on cholesterol medication.

This is how it happens. A pill at 33, another at 39, one at 48, one at 56 and before you know it I have a pillbox with SSMTWTF on it so I know what pills to take and when. The pillbox is accountability avoidance, a recipe for avoiding the reckoning.

Here's me with like 30 wires attached to my head with wax. It didn't bother me, but what did what the one they put on my finger to read my oxygen level. It bugged me all night.

The Card Theory

My Mother is upset I don't send birthday cards to her husband of many years. Maybe a person would say I didn't like him, but nothing could be further from the truth. He's nice enough and I'd venture to say he treats my Mother well.

You'd think sending a card would be easy and you'd be right. So why don't I?

I asked my Grandmother on Mom's side why she'd be so upset over a thing like that and my Grandmother says it's because she thinks you don't care. Like and idiot I said, "Grandma I don't send you cards, do you think I don't love you?" "That's right." HOLY CRAP I thought, she's kidding right? I have a picture of this Grandmother and my Grandfather whose passed away in my closet. They're the first thing I see each day and very often the last I see at night. I think of them daily, but she doesn't see it that way. Lunacy! I cry to myself. This is just crazy! But it isn't to them. The card matters.

I find myself guilty of behavior I've loathed in others. My imperfections mount, my beam is huge. It isn't enough to say you love someone, you have to do things, even if it only means a card. So I'll send my step-dad cards, not because he cares, but because my Mother does. And I've already sent the first of many cards off to Grandma. I'm trying to remember, it's not what's important to me, it's what's important to them.

I'm not organized much so I've set up a system that will allow me to succeed. I've bought a whole box of birthday cards, I'll be pre-printing labels and adding stamps so that when the time comes I can catch up in the card and send it quickly. Batch and queue baby, batch and queue.

I was a real curmudgeon

Parenting classes. I have an 18 y.o., a 5 y.o. and a 3 y.o. Isn't that experience enough? Nh started going to parenting classes. She came back from the first one and said she was the only one there without a husband. I went to the next class.

I asked what she learned and it sounded like another hour of church, which is fine, but I was hoping for very specific tools and theories and guidelines on parenting. Tell me what you've got and let me decide how to proceed. Well, I was pleasantly surprised. The teacher was engaging and the material was actually pretty good. In fact, I'd say I have more information than I know what to do with.

I wasn't wanting to go, I was a curmudgeon. Sometimes the only thing I can do to stop myself is duct tape and when I run out I get into trouble.

Put me in Coach

dg5's coach works Saturdays. As a result he missed many of the games and I happily substituted for him. I learned that I really love working with those kids. How cool to see them change and grow.

I volunteered to coach dg5's next team. Wg3 isn't going to be playing for awhile. He just isn't interested. He walks off the field and just sits down. I never would have figured him for it, but that's what he does. He's 3, what are you going to do?

I met a bunch of the kids yesterday. They are so tiny. Crap, I'm afraid for them. About half the team is girls which I'm excited about. On wg3's team there is not question the girls were the agile, coordinated ones. I just can't get past their size, they're tiny.

Well, it's a new adventure. One I think will be great fun.

I Love My Country

I've been thinking a lot about what kind of patriot I fancy myself. To this point in my life I have been an armchair patriot. I vote. I have opinions. Beyond that I am acted upon by my political system and the truth is I think it's busted. I feel like the system has been infiltrated by special interest and career politicians to reap and hoard for themselves with little thought for their country. I'm ashamed of many of them.

I believe this is a Nation under God. I love the pledge of allegiance and my politics dictate that we should welcome everyone through the legal immigration process, but if they want our Nation under God to cater to them we should explain it doesn't work that way. The God we are a Nation under is not Allah or Buddha or anybody else for that matter. He is a Christian God, the God of our Founding Fathers. If they want religion we should respect it, but they can be offended somewhere else. This is the Nation I believe in.

This Nation under God does not believe in abortion and does not provide monies to Mexico for abortions either. We believe in peace and oppose tyranny, not in ideology, but on the ground with troops. Our good men and women give their lives continually in the service of their Nation under God.

This Nation under God is a nation of Marriage between one man and one woman. There is no other definition of Marriage, there was not from the foundation of this country, the fight to change that sacred definition is tyranny. If a person's sexual orientation is same sex they wave the right in their union to legal recognition a Marriage. It is not Marriage, it never has been. Accommodating same sex unions under the title of Marriage is tyranny. Nearly the entire Nation under God has said so, let it be so. Gay rights? Since when is sexual preference the basis of a right in the United States?

I get not discriminating, not heckling, not demeaning, not hurting. Leave them be, but do not let them dictate what constitutes Marriage. God had done that and it is not for men to undo.

I feel a sense of urgency to participate in opposition to government intervention in business. Recently the President pressured the head of GM to resign on the threat of withholding bailout money. The money should never have been offered in the first place. We have a free market society, let em sink. Behind them is another company and better ideas, spirit and will. AIG, GM, Ford, Chrysler, we'll miss you, thanks and se la vi. This is what happens in a free market and the fallout has never been as bad as we've at first anticipated, never. Americans still retain the desire to succeed, we will survive. Let the free market work. When the capitalist soil is tilled, and the manure of old machinery mixes, new companies will spring up.

Wild Man

The kid is out of control sometimes. He went from completely timid to throwing himself into the fray. I started calling him Wild Man. He makes a face like he doesn't like it, but having seen this a lot I know it's his way of hiding the fact that he really likes it. After a few games he asked, "Dad, was I a wild man?"

It's a thin disguise.

The Blue Dragons

wg3 with sister

I'm told that between the ages of 3 and 6 children will very often act out fantasies. This happens with our children of course, but wg3 really immerses himself. A wonderful quality of being 3 is the missing inhibition. At wg3's last soccer game he took being a Blue Dragon (team name) very seriously. He ran around the field roaring at the kids like a dragon. This really gave some of the other children reason to stop, pause, and internally at least, ask themselves what the heck he was doing. It was very funny.

Maybe funniest of all was the cough that began to interrupt his roaring as he became hoarse. Not very intimidating.

No Smoking

wg3's last soccer game was attended by his 4 local grandparents. My parents smoke. We teach wg3 that smoking is harmful for you and you shouldn't do it. Well, during his game the precocious little monkey smelled someone, somewhere smoking. As a consequence he took it upon himself to march up to them on the sidelines and yell, "Stop smoking. It's bad!" They were shocked, primarily because it wasn't them smoking. They absolutely don't do it around the boys. They probably wonder if we coach him, but we don't. Apparently the he has a passion for smoking cessation, odd for a three year old, but whatever.

You really have to watch him. As he's walking by a smoker he will reach out, smack the person's leg or pants and yell, "Stop smoking!" What do you say to that? Bless the kids heart.