Existential

Went to help a family move today. At one point I found myself amidst four fake plants holding a watering can. Hmmmm.

My sledding wipeout

Our camera battery was low so I didn't bring it to do any short footage. However, a guy there named JB took some footage of my sledding wipeout. Behold

Love is the greatest gift

dg5 told me that whenever his cousin, cj12, sees a Bionicle he's going to buy it for dg5 and whenever dg5 sees a Bionicle he's going to buy it for cj12.

I said, "Why?"
"Because we're friends."
"Friends are a great gift."
"But there's a better gift."
"Oh yeah? What?"
"Love."

Whose kid is this??

Here they come

cl and wg3 are the first out of the chutes. Wg3 is upset he didn't hear Santa because he wanted to pet the reindeer. wg3 is going to be impossible to keep out of the gifts. He already walked up to a stocking and pulled out an M&M candy cane.

I said "Wg3 you have to put it back dude."
"But I asked for it for Christmas!" Fortunately nh got all the kids one.
"But that's not your stocking."
"Ohhhh." He collapses to his knees, dejected. He's so dramatic.

Christmas morning - early

It's Christmas morning and I'm up before the kids. How can this be?

Today we remember Christ's birth. His life is proof God loves us. I am grateful to know it.

It's rainy, dreary weather outside. It's supposed to rain all day here. Today we go see The Tale of Despereaux @ noon with Aunt Kelly.

An update: Despereaux stinks.

Faceplants

Today we went sledding in the Cleveland National Forest. It wasn't without it's dramas, but my favorite was the first of the day. On the way to the hill where the sledding would commence my "favorite oldest niece" saw a fresh patch of deep snow.
Her eyes widened, she ran, leapt high in the air, stretched out her arms for the perfect snow angel and then "uggghhh." She found her weight wasn't enough to compress the snow. Faceplant. I couldn't stop laughing. Some uncle I am.

This just in

dg5 just came in to see me. I lay here beside wg3, my first umbilical cord, having coaxed him to sleep. dg5 made me a cookie. mmmm. What's this? Here's nh. "Do you want to get in the hot tub?"

What is this Valhalla?

18

I cannot help but feel she isn't ready.
I remember when she was born, covered in muck.

My first contact with her? "Make her cry." That's what the nurse said.
"What?"
"Shake her and make her cry. She needs to clear the gunk out of her lungs."

They took her from Julie and put her under a heat lamp and that's where I made her cry. What did I know about it? I was a 20 year old kid. I had to they said. It was good for her they told me.

It was disappointing to me that our first contact should be so purposeful. I just wanted to admire her and listen to her coo. You know, to bond. That's what I heard happens.

It turns out though, that a lot of practical things have to happen first. Cut the umbilical cord (it took me three children to do it myself - like cutting beef jerky), weight, length (not height), APGAR scores, cleaning, crying, swaddling, then feeding. Maybe then admiration, maybe then bonding.

Thinking of making her cry still tightens my chest. I never liked it. As it turns out the years ahead were to be filled with anxiety, tight chests, prayers, hope - more than laughter and admiration though it never was her fault. I rather think the next 18 will be more of the same.

I learned that first contact was important if not a very sentimental a moment. I'd like to spend more time admiring her, her life. But who ever turned 18 and didn't still have a little gunk in their lungs?

A pleasant Saturday

Went to see 7 pounds with km17 and thought is was a little underwhelming I give it a C-. We did IN-N-OUT Burger for lunch...mmmmm.
Then after a pleasant nap, thanks family, we went to Maw Maw and Paw Paw's for an early Christmas. The boys were very excited and of course got sugared up.

A weird thing

I was called as a Ward Mission Leader consecutively in two different wards. Though the number of Sister Missionaries in the Mission is very low I have spent probably 5 of my 7 years serving with them. We have many favorites and have the good fortune to remain friends with some of them.

Today the door bell rang. We bought our home from other members of the ward we moved into and when I answered the door Sister Ellsworth, now off of her mission, was on the other side. The weird thing???? She wasn't coming to see us, she was coming to see the folks we bought the house from. It was an exciting reunion. nh says Sister Ellsworth was her favorite missionary of all time, that there is a genuineness about her she hasn't felt so strongly from other missionaries.

It was good to see her.

wg3 - without guile

Today nh and the boys were viewing an online Christmas card of Santa bent over a tree working at present delivery and the crack of his butt was showing. The tag line read, Hope your Holidays are all they're cracked up to be.

wg3 then innocently and sincerely interjected, "Is my butt cracked?"
"No buddy. Your butt is not cracked." *Smiles all around*
"Oh. hehe."

A movie night

Recently dg5 and km17 exchanged snail mail letters. dg5 wrote all the letters himself. Anyway, km17 offered to do a movie night and sleepover with the boys. Well, let me tell you they have been looking forward to it everyday since. They are talking more about "movie night" with sister than Christmas.

Here's hoping it all goes down. The boys love their sister, but they don't see her much and she's begun to drop out of their prayers.

Home Teaching

I love home teaching, but I hate when my companion blows me off. Grrrrrr. I'd do it myself if that was the point.

Ugggh. Please eat your dinner.

Tonight we broke new ground and it was awful. We're trying to teach the kids to eat what they're given for dinner. We don't want the little monkeys running the asylum and we're not short order cooks. Well tonight dg5 developed an aversion to the beans in chili. Chili he has eaten regularly for some time by the way.

I put my foot down and said he had to eat it or he couldn't get up. He protested and we went back and forth a little. Then he shed two tsunami size crocodile tears and I fell off of my game a little. I said he could get up, but that he couldn't have anything else to eat. It liked to rip my heart out. He looked at me respectfully, but defiant against hunger and simply said, "Well I'm gonna eat a lot of cereal in the morning."

In the end he picked around the beans and ate what wasn't suddenly distasteful to him and that was it. I hope he's up early, I'll fill our bowls and we'll eat together.

A dream

Four days ago dg5 told me about a dream he'd had. He said, "I dreamt about Jesus and he told me some guys are gonna rob our house when we go on vacation." What do you do with that?

Pretend

When the boys and I went out to buy Christmas presents for nh we went to Kohls. As we went through the checkout line wg3 stepped into an empty cashier's booth and said shyly to the woman behind us in line, "I can help you please."

A giving spirit

Recently dg5 participated in a memory study with the U of A. They came to the house three times and played a memory game with him and recorded the results for their study. As a consequence dg5 received a gift certificate to Target.

Today nh took the boys shopping for gifts for his cousins. His oldest cousin, cj, is a kid he idolizes. He really loves him and cj has been kind, gentle and patient with him. I really love that about cj. So when it came time to buy cj a present dg5 wanted to buy him the biggest one there was. It was outside our budgeted money and nh carefully explained it to dg5. Dg5 thought for a minute and offered to make up the difference with his gift card.

It was the first sign of selflessness I've seen in him lately and quite frankly it warms the cockles of my heart.

If it's yellow let it mellow

We have a toilet in the master bathroom. On the other side of the wall from the toilet, right up against the wall, are the boys bunkbeds. At night we don't flush our pee pees because the flushing wakes the boys up and they invariably end up in our room.

As a result, and with a certain indignation dg5 said one morning after finishing using our toilet: "Why am I the only one who flushes the toilet around this place???!!!! Mom never does it!"

I love it when he does indignation.

Bad Breath is a real turn off, no matter who you are.

During a ward Christmas party the boys spoke with Santa in his sleigh, but I was not surprised when last night at the mall they wanted to speak with him again. We waited in line for awhile and finally the boys got to sit and speak with Santa. It was uneventful and we went on with our shopping.

As we left we passed by the play area. The boys love, love, love the play area, but as it was late I answered their pleas for playtime with, "I'm sorry boys, but you wanted to see Santa and now there is no time because it's late and you have to get to bed." Dg5 then said, "I didn't want to see Santa anyway 'cause we already saw him and besides his breath stinks."

What are you gonna do?

Hope

These can be dark times. It is easy to feel lost and empty. I don't know that I can ease anyone else's pain. I don't know how. But I don't believe we're in this alone. We have God whom we too often forget and we have each other because that gift God gives us too.

I hope for my friends, I love them very much. I hope God blesses them with whatever they need to have happiness again. I hope I have the strength when my time comes to be strong, to remember the great gifts and blessings I have in my life and to remember that God loves me very much, that he wants me to be happy and to have peace. I hope I remember those few true things and I hope I hope it enough that the sense of peace I feel never leaves me.

Tragedy Pt. 3

A friend of mine, call him Big Red, is a ritual drunk, paranoid schizophrenic. I get calls from him periodically in which he expresses gratitude and we talk about his recovery, about how he's doing. His recovery periods only last a day, or two. He expresses great interest in Baptism, in turning his life around, in going to college.

At the end of the day he doesn't use his medications properly. He gets paranoid and barricades his door with all of the furniture in his living room and dining room. When the panic leaves him enough he ignores the cartoons he sees long enough to get to Fry's, buy booze and get blind drunk. He vomits in his bed and lies in it. He urinates in his bed and he lies in it. He disappears for weeks. He falls into walls face first as he passes out and wakes up bleeding. (His wore fresh wounds when I first met him.) He makes no phone calls, he takes none.

Tragedy Pt. 2

A woman I worked with for years had to retire because of a genetic defect that's causing her to go blind. She's never married, nor had a single relationship since I've known her. Her mother is overbearing, controlling, and mean and my friend has lived with her, maybe all her life I really don't know.

I do know she's never, never forgotten my birthday. Nor has she forgotten the birthday's of my sons or my daughter or my wife. She never forgets to remember anyone as far as I know. She calls and offers articles that may be of interest, she inquries about the health of so and so.

Now my friend is breaking down. She just spent a few weeks in a mental hospital because she's feeling suicidal and depressed. She sleeps from 8pm to 2am and then can't anymore; she's awake, alone and blind in the middle of the night. She doesn't eat and is down to 87 lbs. She doesn't trust her doctors and doesn't like the meds she's on. On top of that she has osteoporosis, has fallen and her back hurts her terribly. The doctor assures her there is nothing that can be done, her back isn't fractured. Yes he's sure he tells her 10 times before becoming really grumpy.

She refused all help until recently. Now, a very private woman, doesn't care who knows she was in the mental hospital. She is hurting very, very, very much. She doesn't know where she'll go, she doesn't know what she'll do. And thousands of people drive by her house everyday and never know it.

Tragedy Pt. 1

One year and two days ago some friends of our lost a son to drugs. Two days ago they lost a second son to drugs.

Poop

There are a 3 and 5 year old in the house. As a consequence poop is a regular part of our conversations.

Wg3 is officially potty trained, meaning he knows when he has to go and he goes. His recent trend is to hold his poo until just before bed and then screw around for 45 minutes getting the deed done. Even as I write this innumerable questions are passing from his lips.
"Why is my poop green Mom?"
"Because I made you green apple sauce today for lunch."
"So what we eat comes out in our poop?"
"Yes, honey."
"When's it gonna stop being green?" etc.....
So the potty training is a blessing, but has given way to an unsavory bedtime routine.

As for dg5, poop is a word currently used in every aimless sentence. When he talks with a purpose, it's all good, but when he's goofing it's poop this and poop that. Oy vey! I asked him why he's always talking about poop and he said, "Because it's funny." What are you going to do?

Candy makes you shrink

A friend of ours once told dg2 or 3 that the grapes he didn't want were growing grapes. That was enticement enough for him and he ate his grapes. Afterwards she measured him and assured him that he had grown.

We picked up on it and very often use the phrase, "You have to eat your growing food or you'll shrink!"

Today wg3 stated flatly, "I want candy."
I replied, "No."
"But I want it," he whined! The whine is an admission that the "no" will stick I think.
"No, you'll shrink!"
"But I don't want to get taller!" Again with a whine.
"Why not?"
"Because I'll hit my head on the ceiling!"
"I don't think you have to worry about that wg3."

It was a fun day despite the lack of candy. We went outside and kicked the ball around. wg3 threw his ball over the wall. We retrieved it once. He threw it over again. As I went to lower wg3 over the wall the dogs came out. wg3 sat on the wall with his feet hanging over. I'll be darned if the big one didn't jump up and just nip the end of his toe. Grrrr. I'd like to make a hot dog out of the little rat. Fortunately, it was only a flesh wound. And not a Black Knight style either. Wg3 didn't even cry, but there was a little blood.

We went in then and put a puzzle together and read the nutcracker. Then because nh was out at a meeting for her calling I made dinner. "What do you want," cries I?! "Rice Krispies," cries they! So milk and cereal it was for dinner while we watched part of Home Alone. Before the movie even started the question began, "Is that the bad guy?" X 1000. I was so happy when the bad guys showed up and I could say, "There they are. That's them. There are no others. There are no other bad guys. It's just them, please don't ask anymore."

Our Resident Grinch

wg3 has begun to explain his bad behavior this way: "But I'm a Grinch." He then puts claws up where fingers once were and makes a grinchish face. "Even Grinches go in time out pal," I say.
We never should have let him watch The Grinch that Stole Christmas, it's had too profound an effect, and the wrong one, for my taste. But it is cute. wg3 is a sweet boy, even when he's grinchish.

A good kind of nuts

As I make a few entries here I've anesthetized the boys with Charlie Brown's Christmas - a classic, to me anyway. Dg5 wanders upstairs presumably bored.

"I want to spend time with you Dad."
*Awww* "Well right now I want to get in a few journal entries in my blog."
He climbs up in the chair between me and the keyboard and starts goofing around. I politely tell him he can do something else up here with me, but I want to finish this first. He obediently descends and begins to prance and dance around the room.
"I have an idea," he chants.
"What's that?"
"You put on music and I'll dance and you chase me." It's a thing we do.
"I have an idea," I retort. "You sit down and do a quiet activity with me while I finish."
"You don't love me," he says.
"Hah! I say. I'm not falling for that you little monkey," and I catch him, pull him tight and kiss him. "Nice try," I say.

Off in the distance we hear, "Wg3, do you want to help Mommy fix the table?" Immediately dg5 says, "I'll just go downstairs for awhile." I pursue because I know what he's thinking.

He's thinking he can get in on some of that Mommy time and rob wg3 of it at the same time. I hate to say it, but he's a devious monkey sometimes. I catch him readily and we wrestle on the bed. He escapes once and I give chase, catch him and toss him back on the bed. After a few minutes we look up and there are nh and wg3 watching us. I guess we were too loud. Anyway, they leave as quickly as they've come. It was a little weird and eventually dg5 went downstairs and here am I, doing what I wanted to do anyway.

A tree

This Christmas we've contemplated going on vacation. Everyone is in except dg5.

We decided that if we go on vacation we wouldn't buy a tree.
"Is Uncle jg going to have a tree," dg5 says.
"I don't know."
"Then I don't want to go."
wg3 says, "I want to go. I want to go."
dg5, "Well I don't want to go."

We always ask what traditions do you have? and you? and you? like there is a tradition contest. dg5 points out that having a tree is tradition and that it's one that is important to him. After all he says, "How will Santa know where to put the gifts? How will he know we're not home? I want to decorate the tree."

After a call to Uncle jg he is reassured that there will indeed be a tree. But for me and I think it will be true for him too, it won't be our tree and I'll miss not having one of our own. Any decorations we are able to contribute, if any, will just seem like add-ons to someone else's tree. And that is what it will be.

I guess what I'm saying is there is something important about the tradition of a tree. Something dg5 likes. Something I like too. We'll still have fun I'm sure, but next year we'll stay home, and have tree of our own if I can help it.

Natural Divides

We recently had our family picture taken. Last Christmas Maw Maw and Paw Paw paid for a session with Aunt C so we trekked to Mt. Lemmon for the shoot. When we got the proofs and looked at them for awhile nh pointed something out about one of the family pictures.

See, in the picture we decided to buy, km17 is alone in the foreground, highest on the hill, followed a little further down by dg5 and I, followed a little further down still by nh and wg3.

nh said, "I think that's how it really is."
"What do you mean," I said?
"Well," she said, "wg3 and I hang out, whenever you go somewhere you take dg5 and km17 never hangs out with us at all, like in the picture."

Hmmmm. I have to spend more time with wg3 because quite frankly I think she's right.

When you wish

Saturday Night nephews zm4 and tl2 spent the night. They played well with the boys.

Sunday morning nh took them home. On the way home z said, "When you guys were looking for a house I wished you would buy a house close to mine, but my wish didn't come true." What a sweet boy.

wg3 says

wg3 calls the cresent moon the sharp moon.

Tonight we went to Peter Piper Pizza for Family Home Evening. When dg5 was younger he used to call it Peter Pie-za Peepa. Interestingly enough wg3 now calls it Peter Pie-za Peepa. Hmmm. What does it all mean?