As soon as dg5 walked in he wanted to color, so he asked Sister B if he could. He colored 3 pictures and then decided to go outside. As soon as he walked out the back door Brother B hollored that it was time to eat. dg5 turned around and came back in. Everybody sat down, but dg5; he wandered into the kitchen and wouldn't come to the table.
nh checked on him several times. Dg5 said he wanted to go home and eat to which his mother replied, "uh, no." and after all of the kids had finished eating she coaxed him to the table. He didn't want to be looked at so he sat behind his Mom on her chair. His Mom would put one bite on a fork, hand it to the sensitive boy, he would eat the bite and hand the fork back...repeat.
(dg5 says "That brother B, he's a mean one.") I rather like him, Brother B just didn't know dg5 hadn't been outside.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Halloween Night 2008
They are in the driveway spinning light sticks on strings and I'm wondering how long it will be before the eye injury. The boys naturally use opposite hands and spin in opposite directions; wg3 left and dg5 right, wg3 counter-clockwise and dg5 clockwise.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Precocious Monkey
On our way to Trunk or Treat tonight I turned up the A/C as we pulled out of the driveway. Dg5 was talking and I couldn't hear him well so I asked him to repeat what he said. This happened a second time a few minutes later and I turned the air down to better hear what he was saying. At which time dg5 said, "You'd better perk up 'cause I'm gonna be asking you a lot of questions."
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Broken Sidewalks
On the morning of my Grandmother's burial I took a walk beneath the tall Ohio trees. The trees are old. The sidewalks are old. 100 years ago men planted the trees. Later they made the sidewalks to stroll beneath the trees, but to avoid the cool dews. As the trees grew great roots broke the sidewalks. Now men cut down the trees that buckle the sidewalks. And now they only walk in the hot sun. Sometimes though the trees are tall and the sidewalks are buckled and crooked. The path is not level, but it is beautiful and dry.
I Am Chameleon
I just got back from Ohio where I attended my Grandma Daisy's funeral. I've recognized that my behavior changes there, my language is a little worse, my jokes are a little worse, my conversations a little more risque.
There is something to be said for immersing myself in a community that expects more from me. I can rise to that, but oh when I'm among a community that doesn't really care. I don't mean to say they're bad or evil, the difference just doesn't matter to them.
It's disheartening really, to expect you're a certain way and to find out it's not true no matter what, that your character will flux to the expectations of your society. I must try harder.
There is something to be said for immersing myself in a community that expects more from me. I can rise to that, but oh when I'm among a community that doesn't really care. I don't mean to say they're bad or evil, the difference just doesn't matter to them.
It's disheartening really, to expect you're a certain way and to find out it's not true no matter what, that your character will flux to the expectations of your society. I must try harder.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Volleyball-The Libero
My niece, CA12, told me a funny story today. One of my favorite things about her is that she can laugh at herself.
Her whole volleyball team went to an Ohio Northern University game and when they went to meet the team it smelled really bad, like perfume and cologne mixed. The ONU coach asked her coach if she was the libero. CA12 piped up and said, "No, I'm an Aquarius." The whole ONU volleyball team were rofl.
From Wikipedia, just so you know, "The libero is a player specialized in defensive skills: the libero must wear a contrasting jersey color from his or her teammates and cannot block or attack the ball when it is entirely above net height."
Her whole volleyball team went to an Ohio Northern University game and when they went to meet the team it smelled really bad, like perfume and cologne mixed. The ONU coach asked her coach if she was the libero. CA12 piped up and said, "No, I'm an Aquarius." The whole ONU volleyball team were rofl.
From Wikipedia, just so you know, "The libero is a player specialized in defensive skills: the libero must wear a contrasting jersey color from his or her teammates and cannot block or attack the ball when it is entirely above net height."
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Children's prayers
dg5 prayed tonight. He was reverent the quickest. The boys are now racing to see who can be reverent first. It seems like an oxymoron. Dg5 got there first tonight and said the prayer.
Dg5 prayed for Grandma Daisy first. Interesting since we told him she died last night. We talked about her death today and dg5 said he was sad. "I'm sad too," parroted wg3.
Nh said this morning she was glad for Grandma Daisy. That wasn't an emotion I'd thought of yet. Gladness. She said, "Grandma isn't having trouble breathing. And she isn't hurting anymore. And she can stand up and walk around." My wife is very wise.
We made arrangements to travel back today. Sis is bringing the boys and we're all travelling out together on the same flight and sharing a car. We've asked kk if we can crash with her and the gang and she said sure and that she had plenty of room. I'm excited to see kk and gang, but it will be a sad trip I think.
I cryptically texted km17 today, "It is finished." I knew she'd know what it meant. She called later that day to see how I was doing. For the last several weeks I'd been trying to get km17 to visit her great-grandmother, explained she was ailing, that Grandma Daisy would like to see her. Maybe I failed to teach her the right thing; she never went. She was never close to Grandma Daisy.
I remember my Grandma Lola. I used to play checkers at her house when I was a kid. She was a chain smoker, but an X-ray in her late 80s revealed clear lungs. We eventually found out the old bird never inhaled; who knows why. She suffered from dementia at the end. I remember one time when the police found her miles from her home wandering in the dead of night in her nightgown. Shortly afterwards they put her in a nursing home. In the nursing home she had a cabbage patch doll she called Elvis. I went to visit her once and she called me by my Dad's name. She called a nurse a curse and told her to lose some weight. Then there was the time we ate ice cream on the lawn when someone my Mom knew drove by and honked, my then 90-something great-grandma Lola shot them the bird for their trouble. She was a spunky old fart.
She died Dec 21, 1987 shortly after I moved away. It felt like it wasn't part of my life, like I wasn't connected. Oh the questions I'd riddle her with now though. I should have known better, should have been wiser. I didn't trust that visiting her mattered, but I know now it did. I pray my own children will be wiser. Thanks to my Mom for the visits we did make. I wouldn't have made them on my own.
Dg5 prayed for Grandma Daisy first. Interesting since we told him she died last night. We talked about her death today and dg5 said he was sad. "I'm sad too," parroted wg3.
Nh said this morning she was glad for Grandma Daisy. That wasn't an emotion I'd thought of yet. Gladness. She said, "Grandma isn't having trouble breathing. And she isn't hurting anymore. And she can stand up and walk around." My wife is very wise.
We made arrangements to travel back today. Sis is bringing the boys and we're all travelling out together on the same flight and sharing a car. We've asked kk if we can crash with her and the gang and she said sure and that she had plenty of room. I'm excited to see kk and gang, but it will be a sad trip I think.
I cryptically texted km17 today, "It is finished." I knew she'd know what it meant. She called later that day to see how I was doing. For the last several weeks I'd been trying to get km17 to visit her great-grandmother, explained she was ailing, that Grandma Daisy would like to see her. Maybe I failed to teach her the right thing; she never went. She was never close to Grandma Daisy.
I remember my Grandma Lola. I used to play checkers at her house when I was a kid. She was a chain smoker, but an X-ray in her late 80s revealed clear lungs. We eventually found out the old bird never inhaled; who knows why. She suffered from dementia at the end. I remember one time when the police found her miles from her home wandering in the dead of night in her nightgown. Shortly afterwards they put her in a nursing home. In the nursing home she had a cabbage patch doll she called Elvis. I went to visit her once and she called me by my Dad's name. She called a nurse a curse and told her to lose some weight. Then there was the time we ate ice cream on the lawn when someone my Mom knew drove by and honked, my then 90-something great-grandma Lola shot them the bird for their trouble. She was a spunky old fart.
She died Dec 21, 1987 shortly after I moved away. It felt like it wasn't part of my life, like I wasn't connected. Oh the questions I'd riddle her with now though. I should have known better, should have been wiser. I didn't trust that visiting her mattered, but I know now it did. I pray my own children will be wiser. Thanks to my Mom for the visits we did make. I wouldn't have made them on my own.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Dragons, Dad and Death
The boys, nh and I went to see Grandma tonight. She breathed heavy, deep, raspy breaths. She never voluntarily opened her eyes. We spoke to her. We held her hands. We kissed her forehead over and over. We cried a little.
The boys brought their Halloween costumes, dragons both. dg5 donned the Komodo Dragon outfit his mother so painstakingly sewed. It really looks wonderful. wg3 wore a purple dragon costume we bought when dg5 was dg3. They were hoping to show it to Grandma Daisy, but they happily settled for Paw Paw who was very frightened by the whole ordeal.
Dad has repeated the rationale for putting Grandma Daisy in hospice several times. Gj confirmed it when Grandma said to her that she was sick of "all of this." It's hard for everyone, but it's especially hard for him, her son and the decision-maker here. As he began to explain again I interrupted and said, "Dad, no one feels good about this decision, but Grandma trusted you to make it and we support you whatever you do." Then I hugged him, got in the car and left.
He is spending a lot of time there. I don't know why. Maybe he'll catch her awake and words and love can pass between them. Maybe he feels it's important to be there when she passes, in the moment. Maybe he just wants to be in her presence, his mother, his beloved mother, awhile longer.
We've begun to talk about travel plans. Grandma will be buried in Ohio where she was born and lived most of her life. She desperately wanted to get back there, to be home again. She loved it there very much. Death is a hard thing. We are grieving because for all intents and purposes she's left us already, though her heart beats, and maybe she will hear us, she cannot communicate back to us, not with a touch or a whisper or a look. We stand with her, we hold her hand, we kiss her forehead again and we wait. We will all miss her very much.
I told her today to please greet us when we come. I told her that Grandma Lola and Grandpa Harry would surely be happy to see her again and their parents before them and theirs before them and so on. I think Lola and Harry will be enough for her at first. But she also goes to see her first Father and though I suspect she doesn't know it, the experience will likely be the greatest joy of all. I told her to tell them that we would work for her here, we would work for them all here and to please be patient, that our ancestors are not forgotten.
I am grateful for the time that we've been given and thank God for it every day.
The boys brought their Halloween costumes, dragons both. dg5 donned the Komodo Dragon outfit his mother so painstakingly sewed. It really looks wonderful. wg3 wore a purple dragon costume we bought when dg5 was dg3. They were hoping to show it to Grandma Daisy, but they happily settled for Paw Paw who was very frightened by the whole ordeal.
Dad has repeated the rationale for putting Grandma Daisy in hospice several times. Gj confirmed it when Grandma said to her that she was sick of "all of this." It's hard for everyone, but it's especially hard for him, her son and the decision-maker here. As he began to explain again I interrupted and said, "Dad, no one feels good about this decision, but Grandma trusted you to make it and we support you whatever you do." Then I hugged him, got in the car and left.
He is spending a lot of time there. I don't know why. Maybe he'll catch her awake and words and love can pass between them. Maybe he feels it's important to be there when she passes, in the moment. Maybe he just wants to be in her presence, his mother, his beloved mother, awhile longer.
We've begun to talk about travel plans. Grandma will be buried in Ohio where she was born and lived most of her life. She desperately wanted to get back there, to be home again. She loved it there very much. Death is a hard thing. We are grieving because for all intents and purposes she's left us already, though her heart beats, and maybe she will hear us, she cannot communicate back to us, not with a touch or a whisper or a look. We stand with her, we hold her hand, we kiss her forehead again and we wait. We will all miss her very much.
I told her today to please greet us when we come. I told her that Grandma Lola and Grandpa Harry would surely be happy to see her again and their parents before them and theirs before them and so on. I think Lola and Harry will be enough for her at first. But she also goes to see her first Father and though I suspect she doesn't know it, the experience will likely be the greatest joy of all. I told her to tell them that we would work for her here, we would work for them all here and to please be patient, that our ancestors are not forgotten.
I am grateful for the time that we've been given and thank God for it every day.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Does anyone know where the Love of God goes?
Daisy Dell Van Sant
25 August 1930 - October 2008
Beloved Mother and Grandmother
Grandma D's wound is healing. She lies prone most of the time as she heals. The doctors warned us that pneumonia would be a risk. She's on her third round of antibiotics. She can no longer breath and eat at the same time, so she hasn't eaten. Grandma told me last night that she wasn't hungry. She didn't want me to read to her either so I talked with her awhile and caught her up, then I held her hand and we watched t.v. together for awhile. When I got up to leave she cried about something. I kissed her forehead and calmed her down. I asked if she'd 
like to say a prayer together before I left. She said yes. She cried again and I reassured her.
like to say a prayer together before I left. She said yes. She cried again and I reassured her."Grandma, is there anything you haven't beaten? Your lung collapsed and you got better, you had a stroke and you're healing, right? You've had pneumonia at least twice before and you've healed. You're a tough bird, you keep fighting, don't you give up. Your wound is nearly healed, you can do it," I said. "I love you Grandma. You can do this. Should I turn your light out for you?" "Yeah." "I love you Grandma. I'll see you in the next couple of days. Be tough you can do this." And then nearly a total day of lonliness, darkness and technicians.
Today I got a call from Dad. They moved Grandma to hospice. She told Dad she wanted to be with her Mother. All additional attempts to save her have stopped. The cumiden stopped because they have to draw blood every time and no one sees the point of it. Dad and Sis want her to be comfortable and I don't know, maybe that's right, maybe it's cruel to push her.
I'm not for it even though she is worse than I've ever seen her and I certainly haven't taken as much time to be with her in the last 8 months as I could have so I feel like I have less to say. I do not cease to believe she could get better. I think I'd tell her she'll see her Mom eventually AND Right now she has family here to tend to, people who want her to stay here with them. I have not ceased to hope until I heard she'd been transferred to hospice. Hospice is where you go to die comfortably and I'm told with dignity. Hospice is where you go when the time draws near to pay your debt and now I do believe the time is near. I feel the grief creeping into my soul.
I am grateful for the time I've had with Grandma. One reason I know God loves me is because of the people gifts in my life. Grandma is one of those gifts. I know God loves me and his love never leaves me, not ever. May He comfort us all.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
wg3 & balloons
wg3 got a filling last Friday. He was brave and let the dentist do it. Afterwards the dentist made him a balloon animal. Something about wg3, he hates the sound ballons make when you twist them or rub them together. I don't know why, but it is true so what the dentist did was a little disturbing for him I think.
Once we were at a restaurant when he was two-ish. A man who made balloon animals floated over to us. I asked him to please leave because my son didn't like the sound balloons made. I must have said it harshly because he raised both of his hands up like he was under arrest and said, "Hey, take it easy. I'm leaving." Nh laughed. I was just trying to be very clear. I guess it worked.
Once we were at a restaurant when he was two-ish. A man who made balloon animals floated over to us. I asked him to please leave because my son didn't like the sound balloons made. I must have said it harshly because he raised both of his hands up like he was under arrest and said, "Hey, take it easy. I'm leaving." Nh laughed. I was just trying to be very clear. I guess it worked.
Oklahoma: A review
We saw km17s play last night. She has a powerful voice and nailed almost the whole thing. There was one, maybe two times when it seemed like maybe she wasn't breathing enough or something and her volume declined, but it was very rare. Her acting was very good and I thought she was right on through the whole performance.
Curly, the dude who played the lead was good enough, but he botched his lines a couple of times and when he turned his head I could barely hear him. I don't think it was all him, I think my hearing is going. (Great, I'll be blind and deaf.)
This is the troop's 5th season at the Red Barn and though it was a small theater it was a very entertaining evening. The strobe light scene freaked me out a little though.
The director was very nice and expressed some reservations about the grumpy old man km17 will be working for in Carousel.
Afterwards I asked km17 about school. She says she's not failing anything. I thought that was too low a standard. She hasn't taken any tests and so no grades except in honors English where she has two Bs and an A-. I'll be interested to see how it all shakes out.
Curly, the dude who played the lead was good enough, but he botched his lines a couple of times and when he turned his head I could barely hear him. I don't think it was all him, I think my hearing is going. (Great, I'll be blind and deaf.)
This is the troop's 5th season at the Red Barn and though it was a small theater it was a very entertaining evening. The strobe light scene freaked me out a little though.
The director was very nice and expressed some reservations about the grumpy old man km17 will be working for in Carousel.
Afterwards I asked km17 about school. She says she's not failing anything. I thought that was too low a standard. She hasn't taken any tests and so no grades except in honors English where she has two Bs and an A-. I'll be interested to see how it all shakes out.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
The Lead
km17 got the lead in Carousel. She has a problem with the director. If she wants to act, she has to act. She knows it. I believe she has the strength to do what is best for her. I hope she has the strength to find balance in the effort. On month to prep and four nights of performances for Carousel. It's a lot.
We go to see her lead in Oklahoma tomorrow night. I'm excited for it.
We go to see her lead in Oklahoma tomorrow night. I'm excited for it.
DG5 @ 5
Favorite Cartoon: Tom and Jerry
Favorite Movie: A Night at the Museum
Career Choice: Paleontologist (which he often refers to as a Geologist) or a Hunter
Favorite Dinosaur: Utah Raptor or any fierce carnivore
No Cavities, loves his Pre-School which he started today, has a seriously creative bent, very sweet spirit.
The other day dg5 traced dinosaurs out on cardboard and cut them out with Grandma MM. He then buried them in the sand pit we have out back and dug them up again. He also sees gold in every speck of that sand pit. Maybe he'll be a miner too.
Favorite Movie: A Night at the Museum
Career Choice: Paleontologist (which he often refers to as a Geologist) or a Hunter
Favorite Dinosaur: Utah Raptor or any fierce carnivore
No Cavities, loves his Pre-School which he started today, has a seriously creative bent, very sweet spirit.
The other day dg5 traced dinosaurs out on cardboard and cut them out with Grandma MM. He then buried them in the sand pit we have out back and dug them up again. He also sees gold in every speck of that sand pit. Maybe he'll be a miner too.
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