The beginning and the end

Today we went to see Grandma D. Grandma D. is in rehab after a stroke and a couple of hospital stays. Though she hasn't smoked in 20 years, the 30 years she did smoke has given her emphysema. She has about 1/2 of one kidney functioning, the other is shriveled and dead. The artery off the aorta feeding her good kidney is pretty occluded. Her doctor has said that she's on all the medications she can be on. They regularly check her blood pressure, blood sugar and her blood for cumiden levels; all of which get out of whack with some regularity.

Dad called. Grandma didn't remember that we spent forty minutes with her this morning. He thinks we need to spend as much time with her as we can, she's not long for the world he thinks. She's been tired for a week. She's not eating. Her voice has dropped into a bass. There is a lump on the side of her neck, a bulging blood vessel they think (I don't know what that means).

When we saw her this morning her bed was lowered all the way to the ground. The boys sat on the edge of her bed. I couldn't help, but notice them at the beginning of life and her near the end. Such a contrast. She looked at them and smiled. She loves to have them visit. They have no idea they may not see much more of her, that she may die. They don't care because they don't know what it means. Heck, I don't know if I know what it means.

Four Generations

Some of my earliest memories are of my Grandma D. Staying at her house in the country, her waving goodbye until we were out of sight as we drove away, watching Love Boat and Fantasy Island. She taught me to play solitaire. I was screwing around with a motorcycle on her porch once and it fell on me; the adults had to come and pick it off of me. When my mother threw me out of the house in the rain, it's her house I went to and I stayed there until I moved to Arizona with my Dad. I remember her watching me in the cafeteria where she worked an off-shift and me watching her make all that food. The guys at the cafeteria loved her.

My Dad tells stories of when he was a kid. My Dad's step-dad knocked my Grandma D around. I think my Dad hated him. His step-dad drank. One time his step-dad drank away his paycheck. All they had to eat for a week was Lima Beans.

My Dad never finished high school. He left home and went into the army. Dad was in Viet Nam at 17. When he came home he told his step-dad that if he ever knocked Grandma D around again he would kill him. I'm guessing shortly after is when Grandma D got divorced.

I love my Grandma D. I hate what is happening to her.

Uncles

Today Uncle Jd pushed dg4 over backwards while doing whatever it is that uncles do with nephews. dg4 fell over and smacked his head on the tile. He cried so hard he threw up and I felt the knot right on the top of his head. All I can say is Grrrrr. I mean Grrrrr.

I too am an uncle. I've wrestled and hurt nieces and nephews. Heck I broke my sister-in-law Ah's finger (or at least it's crooked), I broke a blood vessel in AA's hand (that was pretty disgusting), and I put my bride's very good friend Annalisa in a leg brace for 6 months when I kicked her leg out from under her on the trampoline (ouch). I've hurt a few people horsing around. In fact, my father-in-law provides this maxim to all who attempt the venture, "If you play with gm you get hurt." Not a reputation I appreciate. I'm happy to say there have been no injuries for some time.

Uncle's can be cool or not. dg4's uncle Jg taught him to surf a little. I have a series of pictures of it and it is one of my favorite pic series. Jg is going to teach him to fish for the first time next week. Jg bought him the pole for Christmas - very sweet. Jg also torments them, not physically, but with words. For instance, we stayed at their house a while back and dg4 wanted me to check on him while he fell asleep and jg told him I wasn't going to check on him. dg4 cried. He is mostly a great guy, but can be mean to the kids sometimes and who the heck knows why.

When I was a kid my uncles would hold me down and perform "Big Time Wrestling" moves on me. The figure four was painful. There was the "El Garfio" and the "Claw." They pretty routinely made me cry. I don't remember anybody doing anything about it, but I lived. I was the same kind of jerk to my step-brother. Somebody should have smacked me.

Anyway, I'm going to talk to uncle jd. Not meanly or threateningly because I don't think he's a bad guy, but when you wrestle with little kids you have to go 1/2 as hard as you think is soft enough. If there are enough of the little monkeys it's hard enough to protect their heads as they bum rush you. I hope uncle jd takes my council in the spirit in which it is intended, but nevertheless it needs saying and I intend to have the talk.

Caught in a Trap

About 1994 Grandma B had a heart attack. 3 weeks later she had triple bypass surgery and began recuperating in the hospital. Insurance wouldn't pay for her to spend her entire recuperating period in the hospital so the family sought another residence in which she could complete her recuperation. They tried Palm Springs and the only place acceptable in Palm Springs was way, way too expensive. So they gave Grandma B a choice; she could either recuperate in Lakeside with Aunt K or go to Tucson with my mother-in-law MM. Grandma B chose the lovely Lakeside and Aunt K for her recuperating period.

When she recuperated the doctor's didn't approve of her moving home because it was too far from medical attention. By default Aunt K and Grandma B became roommates. Fast forward to 2008.

Aunt K and Grandma B are still sharing a living space. Aunt K never wanted it. Grandma B refuses to go anywhere else. It is difficult Aunt K says. The two just don't get along she says. And as of today it looks like Grandma B will live to at least 100, likely more. So what began as a recuperating period is now 14 years and could easily end up 20+.

Recently, we concocted a plan to give Aunt K a rest. My bride and I arrange to have Grandma come visit for a few weeks to help. And that's no ploy. My bride really likes having her here because she does help. In fact, last fall the UPS guy busted my chops because Grandma B came from San Diego on vacation and I put her to work raking leaves. She's a go getter man, just try to have her sit still and besides I think helping makes her feel the way we all want to feel, needed.

I learned some good information during this last visit. Aunt K does not want to be paired up with Grandma. When we organize we put husbands and wives together, J & M, S & C, A & J, G & N, A & D, and E & J and what the heck since we're pairing people Grandma and Aunt K you can sleep....(Wait a minute, hold the phone) Aunt K does not want to be paired up with Grandma!!!!!! Oh. I should have guessed. Now I know and will definitely make arrangements to make Aunt K's stay more comfortable in the future.

I witnessed Grandma tell Aunt L she loved her and missed her to which Aunt L responded by ripping Grandma a new one. Aunt L said, Grandma could make any plans she liked and that no one was stopping her; meaning you can come see me if you miss me so much. Grandma says, "You never talk to me." Aunt L. says, "I don't talk much to anyone." - which is true. In then end I don't think Grandma found consolation in either response.

Later this week Aunt K blew up when Grandma suggested they go "together" on a trip to visit family "back east." Aunt K wants separation. A trip together is not a vacation for her.

Grandma is 93 in a few days. And here she is paying consequences for who she has been and who she has become. It doesn't make her bad or dark or evil, but she finds herself now, closer to the end than the beginning, at the mercy of others. For better or worse Grandma better adapt, not accept being pushed around, but adapt if she ever wished to enjoy the last years of her life on this earth because no one I can see is rolling over to cut her any slack.

No man is in my enemy, My own hands imprison me, Love rescue me

I sometimes spiral downward. One thing leads to another. It starts with a little sleep depravation. A little bad eating, then a lot. I don't take my medicine. It continues. The last few weeks have been days like that. Today is the last day. Love rescue me.

"I fought the law and the law won"

Do you know what the difference is between these two intersections? (Please notice the black lines - They represent double right-hand turn lanes)

1. One is in the incorporated city, one is not. 2. One double right turn has two small signs posted saying no right turns. 3. I received a ticket for proceeding to make a right turn where there are two small signs posted saying "No Right Turn On Red."

I went to court today because I believe I obeyed the "spirit of the law." I didn't feel I deserved the ticket. I believed that I proceeded both safely and expeditiously. I believed that my only error was not seeing the signs.

The argument I made, to the Hon Judge Keith Bee, was that I was busy as a driver, making sure the guy in the driveway on my right wasn't going to pull out, making sure that a motorcycle wasn't sneaking up on my right as I pulled into the far right lane, making sure the crosswalk was clear, making sure the cars turning through the intersection were done. The Hon. Judge Bee said we all have to multi-task when we drive. I suggested that the right behaviors are more important.

Well, Judge Bee was nice. He spoke slowly and was "I'm clearly talking to a special needs person" kind of pleasant. I was nervous and when he interrupted me once I lost my train of thought. Shortly thereafter Judge Bee said, "The only thing the court can consider" is whether or not there are signs posted at the intersection and whether or not I actually turned right. I was and am still irritated. I mean can that be right?

What I failed to say when the good judge interrupted me was that I don't buy that's all that "the court" is allowed to consider and here's why. I travel down a road to work everyday. For a time there was construction and a posted and reduced speed limit. I made a personal commitment to obey the posted limit and almost got killed doing it. Twice in the same week a truck exceeding the posted limit pulled into the other lane to go around me. Behind them were cars that couldn't see me, but that were also speeding. The cars behind the trucks had to slam on their brakes, smoke flying everywhere; one skidded sideways. It was frightening actually. Speed limit be damned after that.

What "the court can consider" is that postings cannot be the be all end all of a driver's decision making, though I do believe and support obedience to them first and foremost. However, as drivers don't we have to be flexible and adaptable to conditions which may pose a threat? I would answer yes. This requires a philosophy you don't pick up in driver's ed (though I'm sure it's buried in a law book that I'm supposed to know about.) In my case, my personal philosophy trumped the signs. My philosophy goes a little like this.

My responsibility is to proceed safely and expeditiously; safety being paramount. If I do those two things, not only will I be all right, but so will others on the road.

In addition, for what cause do we have two busy intersections with different rules. Can the reason really be that one intersection is in the incorporated city and one is not? Do the federal, state and local governments bear any responsibility to create an environment where we can predict the rules? where the rules don't change when you cross invisible lines? Grrrr.

I feel like a citizen whose judiciary isn't interested in anything other than all of the things "the court can consider." I would happily take the points and pay the $223 if the good judge would consider there is a disparity and recommend it's correction, and admit that indeed there will be times when it may be necessary for us to obey a higher law to avoid a harsher consequence. Gee, it would have even been nice to find a middle ground somewhere between "what the court can consider" and what constitutes the practical reality of driving safely. Grrrr.

Judge Bee's fellow judge, Judge Maria Lilia Felix said, "My goal is to do the right thing by everybody, by the judges and by the citizens of Tucson." I don't envy how difficult that must be. I wish I had gotten some of that. Grrrrr.

The meet your judges page for the Hon Judge Keith Bee is under construction. I'm going to guess this is his e-mail mailto:mkbee@jp.pima.gov and that someone screens it for lunatics.

Sweet Sleeper

Tonight the kids went down at Grandma's. dg4 asked me to check on him. He's had tender feelings, I think because he has played hard and slept little. I bet I checked on him 15 times.

Near the end I thought he was asleep because his eyes were closed and he was rolled onto his side, which he does in the last throes of wakefulness. I said, "I love you son." And to my surprise he smiled without opening his eyes and said he loved me too. It was a nice surprise.

The Polar Bear Theory

Human behavior isn't predictable. However, identifying patterns of behavior can be useful. I remember taking personality profiles at work. You get scored and dropped onto a grid with the following categories represented in the corners. Starting top left and going clockwise they are: Analytical, Driver, Expressive, & Amiable. I categorized as a top right Driver. My last boss fell central in the grid, which meant he was versatile and could adopt different styles to adapt to different situations. I really like the model and think of it often as I deal with different people, in and out of work. The only drawback is that you could spend a lot of time understanding the model and in the end it isn't perfect.

I like the polar bear theory better because it's a little more high level. Essentially, it goes like this: All polar bears migrate. If you tag a polar bear with a tracking device you can track the polar bear's migration. And if you tag 100 polar bears and document their migration you can use your results to predict the migration of all polar bears with an accuracy over 95%.

The theory suggests that people are similar and I find it's been reliable in dealing with others as well as understanding some of my own behavior. Ultimately, we all have to manage them both; our relationships with others and our own behavior.

However, the following quote gets me thinking; it's by President Boyd K. Packer an Apostle of Jesus Christ. "True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior." I like that. I think it's right. It's an emphasis on doing things right instead of not doing things wrong.

In dealing with others, at work or personally, the difference in tone matters. I appreciate that Christ loves us enough to have Apostles teach us distinctions which can make a difference in our lives.

Cricket

When km was little it was rapture for me to hear her sing. She really had two things going for her, curls and sweet, unabashed sincerity.

Once, after her mother and I split, but before she moved to California, we were waiting on the landing outside her apartment for her mom to get home. I was teaching her, Take Me Out to the Ball Game, and she was doing great. I told her how much I loved to hear her sing and that I was glad she sang all of the time. I said she was just like a cricket, always playing at her singing. I referred to her that way a lot after that, "my cricket," even after she was gone, but as time passed it just faded, like an old picture.

I loved that little girl. I remember her with great joy and admiration even though that time was very difficult and I was troubled about a great many things. But I would never trade her for who she is today. I have great hope for her life and look forward to what may come. I hope she will live well and continue to sing often.

Philosophy

"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." - Oscar Wilde

I think the approach we take to decision-making in life matters. First though, you have to have an approach, a personal philosophy. Km17 wrote about hope in her blog. What a nice piece to put in your philosophical pie. I think hope is right on. A farmer doesn't plant seeds thinking they won't grow does he?

Even in times of tragedy, unexpected horrible somethings, we can feel a sense of peace. This sense of peace can bring us strength and strength can carry us through, but it will not come without the practice and discipline of guideposts, like hope, in our philosophy as we Marshall on.

I do believe the last half of what Wilde says, that getting what we want can be tragic also. It's because people think they know what they want and think they'll know just what to do when they get it. Maybe it's a trophy wife, with no other substance, or the lottery and no money management skills at all, or fame with all it's trappings (I hear, since I've never actually had anything you might call fame.)

For me, my principle guidepost is that I want to be a good man. I have an idea of what that means and I can come back to it, or an idea of it. It isn't perfect, but it's enough, a north star if you will. A path that gets refined as I grow older and gain experience.

I try to think about it from the perspective of others as well. Stephen Covey's idea of it suits me, "Begin with the end in mind." What would I want people to say at my funeral? I'd want X, Y and Z said. Okay, great, now how do I have to behave to make that happen? It's really pretty straight forward, but I'll admit the execution is sometimes wanting.

So for me, today, central to my decision-making is that I want to be a good man. At one time it was a writer, then a husband, a father, a good son, a good priesthood holder, etc... But today, I think a good man covers it. I don't know what Km17's north star is, but I hope she has one, or an idea of one.

We got km a ring for graduation. On it I inscribed "peace and happiness." It's my wish for her. As her own philisophical guideposts cement, I hope she will look at it often and let that inscription be a guidepost to her through rough seas as well as calm ones.

Attendance Counts

Being in church matters. I believe we should go and I have come to really look forward to going to church. I am always impressed at the testimony of those who go when they could easily find an excuse not to go.

Today in church a guy explained that his Dad was a mining engineer and that he grew up mostly in other countries. Once they lived 2.5 hours away from their church building. Every Sunday his father would wake up the kids and make the drive. After 3 hrs of church that's an 8 hour day every Sunday.

Hooorah!

***TAD was blessed today.

Boys Working Together

This morning the boys got up early and went out back to play. They were in their pajamas. After awhile they discovered ants. They decided to pour water on the ants. How they got the water was interesting to me. Wg2 dropped the bucket into the kitchen sink and climbed onto the counter and turned on the water to fill it up. Wg2 cannot get it out of the sink however because he isn't tall enough, so dg4 comes along, lifts the bucket out and they, together proceed to drown the ants.

I asked wg2 why the were pouring water on the ants, bucket after bucket.
Wg2 said, "Because they're bad."
I said, "Why are they bad?" and wg2 said, "Because they bite."

It makes sense to me.

The Gang's All Here

Today my wife's family is all here.

There is Grandma B, the matriarch.

Her daughters Aunt K, Aunt L and my mother-in-law Mm

Now Mm is the only one with kids and they are : Jg, Sh, Aa, Nh, Ah, and Eh.

Here is where it gets interesting because all the kids, they/we all have kids and as you might guess, spouses. (Jg-3, Sh-4, Aa-3, Nh-3, Ah-1, Eh-1.)+6 spouses

So that adds up to 32 people.

We started the day off by cramming into a picture. The photographer had to back up into the hallway to get us all in. As you might guess it didn't come off without a hitch, but fortunately my in-laws can be and often are really laid back and they rolled with it, which was cool. Aunt L is missing in the photo because she got in a little late.

We swam in the afternoon, I launched the kids from the pool to some distance in the air only to have them return to the pool again; imagine that - I never did get it right they always came back down. And ah and I wrestled. She's wily, but I dunked her until the cows came home. Although, she did almost get me once. It is good to see Ah again.

And lastly we went to the Gaslight Theater. I never go there, but I have a great, not good but great, time. Those people work that little stage and have so much fun doing it you can't help, but have fun yourself. Repeatedly, the thought came into my mind that anything worth doing is worth doing well. Those folks were absolutely incredible and inspiring. They made me consider how well I do the things I do. I'm grateful that we went.

What does environment mean?

dg4 is getting inquisitive. He wants to know what certain words mean. The other night we read a dinosaur book (big surprise!) and he asked me, "What does environment mean?" We worked through it and wg2 even participated and I think understood what environment means. I really like to see the development the kids go through. It is a joy to be a parent.

Graduate! 2008!

Right before they called Km17's name my video camera battery died. Arrrggghhhh!!!!!!! Anyway, here the beauty is.

update: Km17 just called. Her mom got the footage I missed. Woohoo! The boys were great for all the sitting they had to do, but poor wg2 looks a little frumpy after a long day.

A little bit trekkie

My favorite Star Trek Next Generation is Chain of Command Part II.

"There are four lights!" - Picard

My older sister

I've been thinking a lot about my older sister, kk. She gave me a cigarette to smoke when I was five. I should thank her for it because I choked so much I've never wanted to be within 100 miles of a cig since.

We fight. I never thought we were birds of a feather. I like her kid's father, the one I know. I like my nieces and nephew, but kk and I haven't found common ground outside of other relatives. This bothers me, but it's a problem I don't know how to resolve. I don't hate her, I hope for her success, but it feels a little like pins and needles to me when we're together.

I once spoke of kk before I really thought about what I was saying. I said, "kk is a person other people she meets will love...until they get to know her." I don't know if it was fair or right to say that, but she absolutely has a certain charm.

When I was a kid my sister and I fought. I also saw her deck one kid who had me treed. (I had a big mouth so when running didn't provide an escape, climbing was the next best thing) I wonder if she decked the kid because she was protective or because she liked to fight. I once went to McDonald's for lunch and upon arrival saw a huge ring of kids in a rock lot next door. I went to see who the Romans were feeding to the lions. Wouldn't you know it, it was kk on the back of a black girl. Kk had a hand full of hair and was repeatedly smashing the girls face into the rocks. I remember not buying lunch that day. I just went back to school.

See KM17 See her brother love her

KM17 is half-sister to the boys. The boys don't know what that means. I know what it means I just don't think it matters. I know it doesn't matter to them. They love her very much. This is KM17 and Wg2 spending a little time together inside one of my oversized coats. I'm pretending not to see him. "Where's wg2? Where is he?"

KM17 graduates Thursday. I'm excited for her. We all are.

Dg4 made a card for KM17's graduation. He spent 1/2 hr. strategically placing 70 stickers on construction paper. Then his mother wrote his words on a card for KM17. dg4 was very proud of his cards. He loved that KM17 loved them.

Random Happening

Tonight dg4 asked KM17 if Satan was a bad guy? She said, "Ask your Dad." He said, "Why did Adam and Eve get kicked out of the garden for eating the fruit?" She said, "Ask your Dad."

A good story

May 19, 1780: Darkness at Noon Enshrouds New England
By Randy Alfred 05.19.08 12:00 AM

Names

My friend and I joked awhile back because his brother (AWM) didn't spend a lot of energy picking names for his labrador retrievers. He named his black lab Hershey and his chocolate lab Cocoa. We mused, why not black dog and brown dog? or possibly quadraped one and quadraped two?

I thought of this because of the way dg4 names his pets. We bought a bala shark for a fish tank and he named it sharky. One of the goldfish we bought is named spotty because, as you might guess, he has spots. And the eel we bought, originally identified as a female is eelyanora. The beetle he caught today??? beetley.

We put a lot of thought into dg4's name and his brother's as well. dg4 is named after our fathers. They are men we respect, admire, love. wg2 is just a name we loved. w is a family name and g is some half-baked name I had to compromise on. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't imagine another name for the little man now, but I mean really, g? (A short addition at my wife's request, I was lobbying for Hemingway as his middle name...pretty half-baked I guess.) Well, I'm being dramatic, but it just wasn't my first choice. My daughter's name was chosen for it's uniqueness and her mother's propensity for shopping (which her mom denies to be true). Lucky us, it was the most popular girl's name for that year. How does that happen?

I was named after a GI buddy my dad served with in Viet Nam. My wife's name is both biblical and after a friend of her family's (N Logan).

Tonight my Grandma D told me that my dad was named after a guy named David Daniel Kaminsky an actor from way back. My Great Grandmother L. apparently was a fan of DDK. My Grandma D however changed his middle name to something else. I asked why and she simply answered because she wanted to. Well there you go!

My Grandma D tells me that she received her name after an aunt, who turned out to be a friend of Great Grandma L's who lived on the Mississippi. Straight from Grandma D. The detail is a little weird, but it's all I've got.

All I'm saying is that I believe names are important and their history should be as unique the people that choose them. My son is four, I get that. I don't know what AWM's deal is.

Wg2 is worried

Wg2 was concerned today about a beetle the boys located and captured in a half-rinsed milk jug. After a brief discussion with Dg4, the abductor, it was decided that for the beetle to live he should be set free. Dg4 promptly released the captive to the out of doors. The boys then spent a good deal of time observing and manipulating the bugs movements. They seldom coordinate their efforts so well.

I got bored and went to take a shower and after a time Wg2 came flustered and worried to the shower curtain. I pulled the curtain back.

"Duh bug is wost," he says.
"What?"
"Duh bug is wost!"
"What," I said? and so on. He was worried the bug couldn't find it's way home. I explained that the bugs home is outside. "Oh," he says.

"But duh pider will eat him!"
"What spider?"
"Duh pider in the yard."

To provide some perspective, the beetle and spider relative to the yard is probably like two people trying to find one another wandering aimlessly through a large county. Not likely. However, I saw his point because it was a small beetle and it is likely a spider of any size would make a meal of him so I did what any self respecting parent would do, I lied. I said the beetle was very fast and that the "pider" wouldn't be able to catch him and wouldn't you know it, he bought it. God love him, such worry for the little beetle.

The little man speaks up

On the way home from activities, when it is dark and after the kid's bedtime we ask them to observe quiet time. Okay, what we tell them exactly is, "Okay boys it's time to be quiet now, it's past bedtime." We repeat for emphasis and wg2 pretty regularly shhhses us because we are breaking our own rule. (Wg2 has a hypocrisy filter. I am very frequently cautioned about my use of the forbidden word "stupid" and wg2 often pushes for me to take a timeout seat, though he seldom succeeds.)

For the first time dg4 said, "But I want to talk." I was taken by surprise. Wg2 will challenge and does challenge with some frequency and often for no apparent reason, but when the mild mannered dg4 asserted himself a little against a "known standard" the expression of independence was refreshing. So we said, "Okay, let's talk." One million more of these moments and he'll be grown.

I love being a father. I love my kids.

The talking went nowhere fast however because the second wg2 understood it was okay to talk he was talking over everyone. What are you going to do?

What am I doing here?

I'm new to blog. I like the venue. I hate my post about Weisel's book Night. It feels like I'm pretending to know something. I won't write because I feel I have to say something again. I'm deleting the post, but want to say one true thing. The events in Weisel's book are terrifying. That one human could perpetrate those crimes against another is unconscionable to me. I can't imagine what Weisel went through might be like. My hope is no one who might read this will ever be able to either.

Here is a link about Weisel and a couple of more stories about life in camps that I found insightful. Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn wrote a book called One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich or you might try Life is Beautiful starring Roberto Benigni. Peace.

Graduation Presents

Km17 graduates next Thursday night. I'm filled with lots of strange forbodding feelings. Childish likely, but they are there. I'm struggling with what makes a great graduation gift. My wife and sister say nothing shines like cash. My wife says $200, my sister says $500. Does paying for college count? I don't think anyone's gonna say yes.

A friend at work says a camera. I like that. A way to record college and the college years. It seems impersonal though. I'd like to give her a pendant. A really nice pendant, from Dad, y'know. I want her to know I'm proud of her. I don't think any gift could say that. At least not for me. But it's not for me, it's for her and I guess I'm just afraid I don't know what might say that for her.

I'm not going to buy the pendant, but I want to. Why not though???? Why not? Is this angst I'm feeling necessary? I mean c'mon, geez.

Twinkle Twinkle

Wg2 is energetic. He rises with the light, but definitely doesn't set with it, much to the chagrin of his mother. Very often he ventures to the corner just outside his room and tries to watch us without being seen while we watch T.V. Occasionally, he'll bring a car or action figure with him and play very, very quietly just out of sight.

A few weeks ago, he just wasn't ready to sleep. His mom put him in his bed, and rubbed his head while singing him Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Ever since he asks, "Ken you wub my head and seeng me Dwinkle Dwinkle? Ken youuuu?"

Fathers and Sons

Last night dg4 and I went camping. It was my first father and son camp out. It was his as well.
Dg4 spent a lot of time looking for firewood. The campground was picked over for any good stuff. All that was left were small sticks. He spent a lot of time looking for those sticks. He would throw them on the small fire.

The smoke kept blowing in his eyes. All of the boys were running around with lights. The other kids had LEDs mounted on head harnesses. Dg4 had a hand held flashlight. He tromped around with the other kids. Whenever he went out of sight my heart stopped. I was relieved when we lay down that night. We said our prayer together and I made sure he knew the two rules; no snoring and no farting. Dg4 giggled and smiled. He knew the rules.

We explored that night and the next morning. Many tracks were found. Among the tracks found in the dry creek bed by dg4 were bear, mountain lion, and elk. They just looked like sneaker prints to me, but what do I know?

In the morning TB and I got a rope over the high branch of a eucalyptus tree. The boys swung from the sloped hill high out over the dry creek bed and back. Dg4 wasn't interested in the beginning, but one swing by me and then one by him changed all that. His last launch on the platformed rope swing was from as high on the bank as I could get him and with as much umpf as I could give it. The size of dg4's smile synced pretty well with the arc length of his swing.




We broke camp and drove to a cave. We spelunked deep into the earth to a clear pool. We crawled on our bellies, scooted, reached, leaped. The deeper we went the more we felt the humidity. We were holding our lights. Dg4 did well. At only one point was he scared. He and I went without the group. We left the kite string line that leads you to the pool and out again. A friend told me he went into this cave 3hrs deep once and only turned around because he was scared. Dg4 got nervous when we wandered away from the group and away from the line. I don't blame him. I thought better of going far.

On the way home dg4 and I talked about dragons. He asked me if dragons were real. I said, "no." Then he asked if dragons lived in the cave we explored. I said, "They would have to be small, like an alligator to crawl into the cave, some of the spaces were tight." Dg4 wanted to know how the dragons got there. I said, "The same way we did."

He was upset we left the cave. After all, he had seen dragon prints there. I told him we left because he was afraid and that we would come back. He wouldn't let it go. I snapped at him. Dg4 got quiet. It didn't mar the day or the trip. It was but a moment. I just didn't know how to get him off of it and it bothered me. It bothered me more that I snapped at him. I need to remember that.

One last thing; how does he get so dirty? I don't care that he does, but really, how does he do it?

A life without guile

A month or so ago we went to my Sister-in-law's sister's birthday party. She was turning 25. When they brought the cake it had only 8 candles. My son, dg4, being one who counts things, counted the candles. He turned to me completely without guile and said, "Dad, she's eight!" I thought it was perfect.