We have a new addition to our family

Well, it finally happened. We've talked about adopting, we've talked about buying a dog and at long last we've settled on a ping pong table! I got it in mint condition off of craigslist.com. Some guy is letting his house foreclose and is having a fire sale.

He was an interesting dude because he didn't seem bothered in the least by the foreclosure. He actually delivered the ping pong table to my house. Thanks foreclosure guy.

ewe larn real gud wen u reed

Tonight the boys and I travelled to Barnes and Noble. Dg5 is constantly asking me about Marvel Comics characters; Who is that? Are they good or bad? What can they do? I don't know. I don't know and I don't know. So we went to find a book and find one we did. We poured over it until I thought wg3 would explode from good behavior and then we went to the kids book area.

Dg5 found some really great (and really expensive!) dinosaur books. He loves to look through them. wg3 looked through one book and found a Thomas the Train set. It was relatively uneventful and a good time was had by all.

One lump or two?

About 5 days ago dg5 fell backwards off of a play set in our yard and earned an enormous lump on his head. Last night only wg3 and I could go get our hair cut because we didn't think they could cut his hair without hurting him. Today it's better and he was able to get a hair cut.

After I got home nh had to leave so it was me and the boys. I asked them not to do karate or to fight, but alas they did. The net result was wg3 accidentally hit his brother right on his injured, lumpy head. dg5 was not pleased and reacted violently. I only heard it, but he punched wg3 in the face. wg3 then did a howler monkey routine.

I separated them and put them in time-out. Afterwards I asked them to play in separate rooms. Poor dg5, he really nailed his head. Poor dg3, his brother really nailed him.

3 Microwaves!

Yesterday nh called me at work to say she was at a model home sale where furniture was being let go cheap. She picked up some rugs to ease the burden of all of the tile we have downstairs and then asked me about a microwave they were selling.

"But we have a microwave that came with the house."
"I know."
"And we have another on in the garage from the old house."
"I know, but it's only $175"
"I'd say let's skip it."
*Some time later I get a call at work*
"I'm online and that microwave is a $500 microwave and it's stainless steel."
"Babe if you want it buy it and if it doesn't fit we'll put it on craigslist."

Now we have three microwaves. nh is driving across town to pick up the boys and I'm blogging when I should be installing the 3rd microwave. I'd better go.

Chess

I want to teach dg5 to play chess. I've tried in the past, but he's had no interest. Three nights ago we went across the street to Daphne's birthday party. At the party some kids were playing chess and dg5 was transfixed. I brought my chess board home the next day and we played two games together. I left him wanting more because I'd like to make it a regular thing. Here's hoping.

The Piano

I've been anxious lately to buy a piano.

We've never had anyone musically inclined in my family, though some have played instruments. On nh's side there is some musical ability, but not with nh. She gets frustrated pretty easily I think. When she was younger she had an oboe she smacked on the desk and broke out of frustration. (She'll probably make me take this out because it's not a moment she's proud of so read it quickly!)

I'd like the boys to have some exposure to music and the piano seems as nice a place as any for an introduction. If they like it great, if they don't then I'm cool with that too....I think.

We were preparing to buy a piano, but it appears that maybe Grandma H is willing to let us have the one in her house. I'm told it's supposed to go to Aunt SJ who can actually play the thing, but she can't get it to where she lives. I think Grandma H just wants it to stay in the family and if the boys love to play and she wants the piano then we'll buy one that's all there is for it.

Separation Anxiety

dg5 expressed reservations about staying at Aunt G's house last night. He was afraid to be away from us. Aunt G tells us he was fine, but upon leaving wg3 cried. Hard. He threw up.

wg3 has been having a little separation anxiety of late. I don't know why, but I do know we'll have to be sensitive to help him get through it.

The other day at the gym NH dropped him off at the child care so she could go work out. DG5 was in class. wg3 cried and because it was a new place nh stayed and played with him for awhile before going to workout.

When she left he cried for a minute, but was quickly distracted. She was only able to workout for 20 minutes because she stayed with him, but she knows he needs it. Nh is a good mom.

Last Night

KM17's play was great. She has the lead in Carousel as Julie Jordan. Her voice is great though it was most powerful at the clambake when she was sitting down in the second act. She did a really great job and though her voice is beautiful, probably the best last night, I am partial to her acting.

When KM17 was a kid growing up in California she did a little of everything for a very short period of time. She didn't stick with anything for some reason. She has expressed doubts of late about acting. I'm not sure if acting is the best thing for her, only she can decide that, but I hope she has the intestinal fortitude to stick with something.

One of my favorite quotes is by an unfamous guy who plays the violin, maybe I've even written it here before, his name is Alex and he plays the violin. Alex started playing when he was 3. Alex has studied with world famous violinists and one night after having asked him to perform for a small audience I remarked about how talented he was. Alex responded by saying, "I spend a lot of time with this violin."

Anything worth doing takes sacrifice and the fortitude to stay the course. I haven't always had it, but I know now it's important.

A photo essay entitled "My Life" by DG5

You have to be 18 to vote

I teased km17 today because she couldn't vote and I know she's interested, if undecided. My delicate little flower used less delicate speech and wished her mother and I had "got it on" sooner. Don't be vulgar km17.

I picked her brain and it was interesting to hear upon what basis she was deciding to vote. I can't really explain her reasoning though, it changed from moment to moment, but I do remember her saying that Obama made her feel safe. I can understand responding to that feeling.

I look forward to her birthday....in December.

Carnivores eat Herbivores

Tonight I wanted to watch the election coverage so nh took the little ones. She bathed them and then they played a game which is so blatantly one-sided that I always resist playing it with the boys. It goes a little like this...
DG5: You be a plant eater and I'll be a (T-rex, Utah Raptor, Deinonychus...some huge meat eater.)
Me: Okay then I want to be the gigantic Apotosaurus so I can smash you if you come close.
DG5: No, you be something smaller.
Me: I don't want to be something smaller, you'll eat me.
DG5: No, no. Okay. I'll be a smaller meat eater.
Me: Why can't I be a meat eater?
DG5: Okay you be a small meat eater and I'll be an Apotosaurus.
etc....

Tonight nh submitted to their tyranny and allowed the boys to repeatedly devour her. For them it was rapture. She's a good Mom.

I want to write a note

Tonight dg5 called Grandpa Greg. dg5 wanted to know when he was going to buy another boat and a bigger boat so they could go fishing. Grandpa Greg didn't know, but the little fella wants answers! We'll have to take him fishing again soon.

America

I love to live in a country where I have a say in it's future. I am grateful.

wg3 speaks

During the Trick or Treat route wg3 felt the need to speak to each candy vendor. "Do you have a dog?" "Can I pet him?" There were questions about decorations and comments about scary decorations he didn't like. "That guy's scary." "Why is there a hand in the bowl?" Etc... Sometimes he'd try to pick out his own candy; some adults were like, "Hey it's cool" and some were like, "I'll be handing out the candy son."

Nh of course acted as interpreter since wg3's annunciation isn't quite right yet. dg5 seemed to know the whole gig and played the part of the polite Trick or Treater very well, after a cool start anyway. Wg3 certainly broke the ice, but by the end dg5 was tugging his tail to get him to shut up and grab candy from the next house.

Sensitive Mother, Sensitive Boy

As soon as dg5 walked in he wanted to color, so he asked Sister B if he could. He colored 3 pictures and then decided to go outside. As soon as he walked out the back door Brother B hollored that it was time to eat. dg5 turned around and came back in. Everybody sat down, but dg5; he wandered into the kitchen and wouldn't come to the table.

nh checked on him several times. Dg5 said he wanted to go home and eat to which his mother replied, "uh, no." and after all of the kids had finished eating she coaxed him to the table. He didn't want to be looked at so he sat behind his Mom on her chair. His Mom would put one bite on a fork, hand it to the sensitive boy, he would eat the bite and hand the fork back...repeat.

(dg5 says "That brother B, he's a mean one.") I rather like him, Brother B just didn't know dg5 hadn't been outside.

Halloween Night 2008

Nh took the boys trick or treating. Now they're back helping me hand out candy. wg3 is singing Jingle Bells and dg5 is wondering when we are going to get another customer. dg5 thinks Halloween is just a time for adults to scare children.

They are in the driveway spinning light sticks on strings and I'm wondering how long it will be before the eye injury. The boys naturally use opposite hands and spin in opposite directions; wg3 left and dg5 right, wg3 counter-clockwise and dg5 clockwise.

We wrestle, I win!

Precocious Monkey

On our way to Trunk or Treat tonight I turned up the A/C as we pulled out of the driveway. Dg5 was talking and I couldn't hear him well so I asked him to repeat what he said. This happened a second time a few minutes later and I turned the air down to better hear what he was saying. At which time dg5 said, "You'd better perk up 'cause I'm gonna be asking you a lot of questions."

Broken Sidewalks

On the morning of my Grandmother's burial I took a walk beneath the tall Ohio trees. The trees are old. The sidewalks are old. 100 years ago men planted the trees. Later they made the sidewalks to stroll beneath the trees, but to avoid the cool dews. As the trees grew great roots broke the sidewalks. Now men cut down the trees that buckle the sidewalks. And now they only walk in the hot sun. Sometimes though the trees are tall and the sidewalks are buckled and crooked. The path is not level, but it is beautiful and dry.

I Am Chameleon

I just got back from Ohio where I attended my Grandma Daisy's funeral. I've recognized that my behavior changes there, my language is a little worse, my jokes are a little worse, my conversations a little more risque.

There is something to be said for immersing myself in a community that expects more from me. I can rise to that, but oh when I'm among a community that doesn't really care. I don't mean to say they're bad or evil, the difference just doesn't matter to them.

It's disheartening really, to expect you're a certain way and to find out it's not true no matter what, that your character will flux to the expectations of your society. I must try harder.

Volleyball-The Libero

My niece, CA12, told me a funny story today. One of my favorite things about her is that she can laugh at herself.

Her whole volleyball team went to an Ohio Northern University game and when they went to meet the team it smelled really bad, like perfume and cologne mixed. The ONU coach asked her coach if she was the libero. CA12 piped up and said, "No, I'm an Aquarius." The whole ONU volleyball team were rofl.

From Wikipedia, just so you know, "The libero is a player specialized in defensive skills: the libero must wear a contrasting jersey color from his or her teammates and cannot block or attack the ball when it is entirely above net height."

Children's prayers

dg5 prayed tonight. He was reverent the quickest. The boys are now racing to see who can be reverent first. It seems like an oxymoron. Dg5 got there first tonight and said the prayer.

Dg5 prayed for Grandma Daisy first. Interesting since we told him she died last night. We talked about her death today and dg5 said he was sad. "I'm sad too," parroted wg3.

Nh said this morning she was glad for Grandma Daisy. That wasn't an emotion I'd thought of yet. Gladness. She said, "Grandma isn't having trouble breathing. And she isn't hurting anymore. And she can stand up and walk around." My wife is very wise.

We made arrangements to travel back today. Sis is bringing the boys and we're all travelling out together on the same flight and sharing a car. We've asked kk if we can crash with her and the gang and she said sure and that she had plenty of room. I'm excited to see kk and gang, but it will be a sad trip I think.

I cryptically texted km17 today, "It is finished." I knew she'd know what it meant. She called later that day to see how I was doing. For the last several weeks I'd been trying to get km17 to visit her great-grandmother, explained she was ailing, that Grandma Daisy would like to see her. Maybe I failed to teach her the right thing; she never went. She was never close to Grandma Daisy.

I remember my Grandma Lola. I used to play checkers at her house when I was a kid. She was a chain smoker, but an X-ray in her late 80s revealed clear lungs. We eventually found out the old bird never inhaled; who knows why. She suffered from dementia at the end. I remember one time when the police found her miles from her home wandering in the dead of night in her nightgown. Shortly afterwards they put her in a nursing home. In the nursing home she had a cabbage patch doll she called Elvis. I went to visit her once and she called me by my Dad's name. She called a nurse a curse and told her to lose some weight. Then there was the time we ate ice cream on the lawn when someone my Mom knew drove by and honked, my then 90-something great-grandma Lola shot them the bird for their trouble. She was a spunky old fart.

She died Dec 21, 1987 shortly after I moved away. It felt like it wasn't part of my life, like I wasn't connected. Oh the questions I'd riddle her with now though. I should have known better, should have been wiser. I didn't trust that visiting her mattered, but I know now it did. I pray my own children will be wiser. Thanks to my Mom for the visits we did make. I wouldn't have made them on my own.

Dragons, Dad and Death

The boys, nh and I went to see Grandma tonight. She breathed heavy, deep, raspy breaths. She never voluntarily opened her eyes. We spoke to her. We held her hands. We kissed her forehead over and over. We cried a little.

The boys brought their Halloween costumes, dragons both. dg5 donned the Komodo Dragon outfit his mother so painstakingly sewed. It really looks wonderful. wg3 wore a purple dragon costume we bought when dg5 was dg3. They were hoping to show it to Grandma Daisy, but they happily settled for Paw Paw who was very frightened by the whole ordeal.

Dad has repeated the rationale for putting Grandma Daisy in hospice several times. Gj confirmed it when Grandma said to her that she was sick of "all of this." It's hard for everyone, but it's especially hard for him, her son and the decision-maker here. As he began to explain again I interrupted and said, "Dad, no one feels good about this decision, but Grandma trusted you to make it and we support you whatever you do." Then I hugged him, got in the car and left.

He is spending a lot of time there. I don't know why. Maybe he'll catch her awake and words and love can pass between them. Maybe he feels it's important to be there when she passes, in the moment. Maybe he just wants to be in her presence, his mother, his beloved mother, awhile longer.

We've begun to talk about travel plans. Grandma will be buried in Ohio where she was born and lived most of her life. She desperately wanted to get back there, to be home again. She loved it there very much. Death is a hard thing. We are grieving because for all intents and purposes she's left us already, though her heart beats, and maybe she will hear us, she cannot communicate back to us, not with a touch or a whisper or a look. We stand with her, we hold her hand, we kiss her forehead again and we wait. We will all miss her very much.

I told her today to please greet us when we come. I told her that Grandma Lola and Grandpa Harry would surely be happy to see her again and their parents before them and theirs before them and so on. I think Lola and Harry will be enough for her at first. But she also goes to see her first Father and though I suspect she doesn't know it, the experience will likely be the greatest joy of all. I told her to tell them that we would work for her here, we would work for them all here and to please be patient, that our ancestors are not forgotten.

I am grateful for the time that we've been given and thank God for it every day.

Does anyone know where the Love of God goes?

Daisy Dell Van Sant

25 August 1930 - October 2008

Beloved Mother and Grandmother

Grandma D's wound is healing. She lies prone most of the time as she heals. The doctors warned us that pneumonia would be a risk. She's on her third round of antibiotics. She can no longer breath and eat at the same time, so she hasn't eaten. Grandma told me last night that she wasn't hungry. She didn't want me to read to her either so I talked with her awhile and caught her up, then I held her hand and we watched t.v. together for awhile. When I got up to leave she cried about something. I kissed her forehead and calmed her down. I asked if she'd like to say a prayer together before I left. She said yes. She cried again and I reassured her.

"Grandma, is there anything you haven't beaten? Your lung collapsed and you got better, you had a stroke and you're healing, right? You've had pneumonia at least twice before and you've healed. You're a tough bird, you keep fighting, don't you give up. Your wound is nearly healed, you can do it," I said. "I love you Grandma. You can do this. Should I turn your light out for you?" "Yeah." "I love you Grandma. I'll see you in the next couple of days. Be tough you can do this." And then nearly a total day of lonliness, darkness and technicians.

Today I got a call from Dad. They moved Grandma to hospice. She told Dad she wanted to be with her Mother. All additional attempts to save her have stopped. The cumiden stopped because they have to draw blood every time and no one sees the point of it. Dad and Sis want her to be comfortable and I don't know, maybe that's right, maybe it's cruel to push her.

I'm not for it even though she is worse than I've ever seen her and I certainly haven't taken as much time to be with her in the last 8 months as I could have so I feel like I have less to say. I do not cease to believe she could get better. I think I'd tell her she'll see her Mom eventually AND Right now she has family here to tend to, people who want her to stay here with them. I have not ceased to hope until I heard she'd been transferred to hospice. Hospice is where you go to die comfortably and I'm told with dignity. Hospice is where you go when the time draws near to pay your debt and now I do believe the time is near. I feel the grief creeping into my soul.

I am grateful for the time I've had with Grandma. One reason I know God loves me is because of the people gifts in my life. Grandma is one of those gifts. I know God loves me and his love never leaves me, not ever. May He comfort us all.

wg3 & balloons

wg3 got a filling last Friday. He was brave and let the dentist do it. Afterwards the dentist made him a balloon animal. Something about wg3, he hates the sound ballons make when you twist them or rub them together. I don't know why, but it is true so what the dentist did was a little disturbing for him I think.

Once we were at a restaurant when he was two-ish. A man who made balloon animals floated over to us. I asked him to please leave because my son didn't like the sound balloons made. I must have said it harshly because he raised both of his hands up like he was under arrest and said, "Hey, take it easy. I'm leaving." Nh laughed. I was just trying to be very clear. I guess it worked.