A Portrait

Words fill my soul

2012-01-04T21:13:00.000-08:00

This morning I left the house around 7:15. School is out and everyone was still asleep when I quietly shut the front door. It was cold outside. Ice on the windshield. I crawled into the Suburban, turned the ignition and the wipers on. I waited for the ice to melt. As the wipers brushed away the bottom part of the ice I noticed WG6 at the top of the driveway waving to me.

I waved back and then motioned for him to get in the vehicle with me. When he climbed up I wrapped my arms around him and held him close. "What in the heck are you doing waving at me, outside and in your underwear pal?" "I was waving because I love you so much."

It's these moments I hold close when the world crowds in. I am grateful to live, to love and to be loved. I am grateful.

GM1, Me, and WG6 picking out a tree: Christmas 2011

"Dad, will you check on me?"

2011-12-20T15:55:00.000-08:00

I don't know why it started, but one day it did. Dg8 just started showing up in the bedroom after he had gone to bed.

"Dad I'm scared."
"What's wrong?"
"I don't know. I just feel so lonely. I love you so much."
"Well I love you too. And we're here and your fine so go to bed."
"Will you check on me?"
"Yes."
"Will you check on me a lot?"
"Yes Dg8 now go to bed."

Everynight he would ask me. "Will you check on me?" "Yes." "But will you check on me a lot?" "Yes buddy, now go to bed." Sometimes he would come down crying. I told him he didn't have to wait until he was so distraught he was crying. He could just come down. He accepted the offer and began to come downstairs looking sad. Occassionally, he would bring his beddings and sleep on the floor at the foot of our bed.

Over time this evolved. We tried praying, which he says helps and he is now doing everynight. We tried breathing in and breathing out and just focusing on breathing. After awhile we tried to tap into his positive imagination. All attempts had limited effect. He eventually started to ask me to pray with him each night when I went to check on him. And finally, he wanted to make sure I wasn't going to be asleep before him.
I almost never go to sleep before Dg8, but one night after the process began I did and he reminds me of it everynight. "Dad, will you check on me?" "Yes." "Will you check on me a lot?" "Yes. Tons." "Will you pray with me if I'm awake when you come up?" "Yes, of course." "Are you going to go to sleep before me?" "No, I never do Dg8." "You did that one night." Uggghhh.

At times it was ridiculous. On our vacation we passed through Missouri. My Grandfather called it "Misery" when he was alive. He hated to drive through "Misery." We got a hotel after midnight one night. I was beat. The room had double queen beds. We put GM0s pack and play between the beds. I lay down with my hand over the bed so GM0 had something to hold and to comfort him, though the room was fairly lit. Dg8 lay on the side closest to me and while staring at me, two feet away he said it all again. "Dad, will you check on me?"

He hasn't been down in our room in quite some time. And every time I check on him now he's asleep, though he never fails to ask the questions. For awhile I was frustrated, but I think everyone needs the same kinds of comfort Dg8 is asking for. We need to know someone is there and that they're checking on us. And sometimes we need to know their checking on us a lot and that we won't be alone.

The Gateway Arch in St. Louis

When I was a boy I would look out my 2nd floor window over the pines the rich people planted to keep the courts private from us next door. I looked into the court where anonymous people played at night in their white shorts, polo shirts and sweatbands. The lights didn't go out until 10pm and during the summer my windows would be open. I could hear the crickets and the thwack of the ball. Thwack-thud-thwack-thud.

I always thought the girls, on the other side of the upstairs, got a raw deal. I don't remember them ever having a tough time sleeping, but I did. When no one was playing I would sneak down the stairs, placing my boy's feet carefully around the creaking boards. When the t.v. was in the right spot I might watch with immunity for quite awhile. When the t.v. was in the wrong place I could sit very safely and listen. At some point I would wake up and stagger to my bed.

A Conference

2011-11-01T18:16:00.000-07:00

dg8's teacher is Mrs. M. Yesterday I went for a parent teacher conference where Mrs. M. reviewed a beginning of the year reading and math assessment. It shakes out like this:
Reading: Accuracy @ 95% which just means he accurately identifies 95% of the words he reads. Words per minute comes in @ 46. The theory is that this can impact his comprehension score which is 7 out of 10. Apparently, the slower you read and the longer it takes to get through a sentence, the more you forget by the time you get to the end of that sentence. Reading with feeling is 3 out of 3...excellent. This puts him at a reading level N...3rd grade reading level. The takeaway? Focus on words per minute and the payoff is greater comprehension.

I explained that dg8 seems much improved since the beginning of the year. We expected him to read over the summer, which he did; the Magic Tree house series. It didn't seem like he'd improved much, but since school started he is reading everything. Nothing can be spelled in front of him any longer. He's sharper and more insightful. The teacher agrees.

Today she performed her own assessment. The results are that dg8 has more than doubled his words per minute to 101. He's doing great and his assessments are another data point showing us what we already know, he's bright. We just have to keep him working.

Oh yeah, he's pretty good at math too. Watch, he'll end up doing something mathy.

A Child's Prayer

2011-11-01T17:30:00.000-07:00

wg6 has begun to give thanks for gravity during prayers. I mean really, who doesn't appreciate gravity. Think of what it makes possible. What a kid.

Fire Truck Beds

2011-10-30T20:20:00.000-07:00

NH bought a firetruck bed for dg when he was moving from the crib to a bed. It was $50 and we bought it a few streets over at a yard sale in our neighborhood. The bed was read in, bad guys were vanquished there and little ones even managed to squeeze under the thing for hide-and-seek. It would be safe to say the boys loved the bed. Heck, we all loved the bed.

Enter gm1. He's in a crib, but it was very important for NH to have THE bed that worked for the other boys. The search began. After lots of time on Craig's list and lots of bartering and a long drive an identical bed was found and brought home. I gave NH a hard time for going to such great lengths over this little bed, but as I look at these pictures and remember I see now that she was right to want the same special memories for gm1 we all had with the other boys. Here is gm1. I don't think there is any question that he will love it as much as his brothers.

It's like a roller coaster, only more holy.

2011-10-30T18:54:00.000-07:00

Today was our annual Primary Program. dg8 had a pretty big part and some lines, but woke up with pretty serious stomach pains and I stayed home with him. NH took wg6 and I'm told the program went well. wg6 took his turn at the podium, "I went to the Gila Valley Temple. It was like being on a rollercoaster, only more holy."

We carved pumpkins today. I might say I don't enjoy it. I'm a curmudgeon about Halloween in general if you want to know the truth. But the kids love it and so does their Mom and I love them. I try to dial down the curmudgeoniness.

2011-09-26T20:34:00.000-07:00

This morning wg6 walked me outside as I left for work. This is unusual. I said I love you and waved. He said he loved me and waved. It made me feel wonderful. Then on the way home from lunch I received a wonderful e-mail from NH. I feel loved.

Here is wg6 opening bday presents. He loves the bathrobe is mom got him. He's a wonderful boy.

Baptism Birthday

2011-09-26T20:13:00.000-07:00

He's been excited for a few months about his "baptism birthday." I was very excited for his baptism as well. Grandma Margie and Grandpa Greg came and so did his big sister and Christer. He remarked how warm the water was. He seemed very excited.

KM20 asked me how it felt to baptize my first child. I said, "I won't be having that privilege today." She looked confused briefly and then understood I was referring to her. Dg8 over heard a conversation between KM20 and his mother in which KM said to her, "Well, one down and two to go." NH explained that there were three to go. When we got home Dg8 explained that there were 3 baptisms to go and not two, that she needed to be baptized also.

I felt the spirit with us on the day of Dg's baptism and I believe the blessing of heaven were with us. It brings me great joy to see this wonderful boy choose to do what is right. I hope that he always may be so wise and strive to be like Jesus.

GML0

2011-09-22T19:23:00.000-07:00

Last October little GML was born. He's coming up on one. He standing, he's happy, we love him very much. Behold the boy.

Santa Frauds

2010-10-31T18:54:00.000-07:00

Last week Dg7 asked me if Santa's elves were real. I said I didn't know, but somebody had to make all of those toys. It was weak. I sensed he believed I was lying. At some point the cute white lie becomes an ugly one.

"I've seen lots of Santas." "Yes, I know, he has many helpers," I offer. He's old enough to know the truth and what's more I believe it is right that he should be told the truth by us, that the time has come for him.

I worried briefly if it's a loss of innocence. Ultimately I come to the conclusion that he's growing and that how he sees the world is changing and will change. Much of how he sees the world will be from outside pressures his friends, t.v., school, etc... I guess with Santa I have an opportunity to change it on my terms and at the same time maintain a healthy level of trust with Dg7.

Let's face it, Santa is always a horrible lie. The magical myth masks the true power of the Savior and the salvation of mankind. The Savior's love, life, and atonement are where the real feelings of hope and charity come from that make the season bright to begin with.

Maybe this Christmas the only presents we give in our house will be ones we make. Wouldn't that be a switch. And maybe then we could dodge the long tendriled arm of master marketers who want it to be about them. It doesn't have to be. We decide it by what we do.

What a great blessing Dg7 is. I cherish the little guy.

I went too far

2010-10-31T18:50:00.001-07:00

Today I watched an old cheesy sci fi with the boys. It's pretty bland and I wasn't too worried about them getting scared.

I was wrong. The doppleganger was too much and Dg7 didn't take it well. He was crying and dramatic and I was unsympathetic and remorseful.

During family prayer his younger brother prayed and it went something like this..."Dear Heavenly Father, please bless that the creepy guys with the scary black eyes will leave Dg7s mind so he won't remember it anymore. And also that he won't remember their long creepy black claws that they sneak up on you and get you with. And also please bless that he know that people won't really sneak up on you when they're really someone else, but you think their not and then they kill you." I appreciated the intent, but the level of detail could not have possilbly been comforting for Dg7.

I screwed up.

Opinionated

2010-05-11T13:14:00.000-07:00

Wg4, "The world is important."
"It is?"
"Yeah, and so are refrigerators. Refrigerators are important to hold your food."
"Oh."

He disappears into the bathroom, me on the computer and a minute later.

"That's a pretty long poo poo for one man." Then he talks at length about turtles.
"And Dad?"
"Yes."
"I got stabbed through the hand one time with a fork."
"Oh yeah."
"Yeah. I was trying to use my magic to get the watermelon seeds off."
"Oh."
"But I couldn't do it."

And on and on. How is it possible not to love your kids?

The Baby

2010-05-06T10:51:00.000-07:00

She felt the baby move yesterday. Very nice.

Gila Valley Temple Open House

2010-05-01T22:29:00.000-07:00

As we toured the Temple today my father held the hands of my sons. I also held the hand of my oldest son. When we walked through the endowment room door I was struck that the very purpose of the temple is to forge the links between generations, sealing them together back to Adam. I don't think I'll ever forget that moment.

Another notable moment was during the 12 minute presentation before the tour when the speaker talked about doing baptisms for the dead in the Temple. Dg6 turned to me and said, "Are you gonna do that for Grandma Daisy?"
"I have to ask Paw Paw first. He has to give me permission. But then Mom will do it, and I will perform the ordinance."

I'm amazed at how well these young boys understand. What a great blessing they both are.

Honesty. Honestly!

2010-05-01T22:17:00.001-07:00

Wg4 is a wonderful boy. But he is 4 and is often at the mercy of his own zeal. Today as we left the temple open house for the Gila Valley Temple Wg4 pinched his brother. I was not happy. I explained that not only would he not get any dessert the rest of the day, but that he would get to see his brother double up because he was going to get both desserts.

Wg4 was not happy, but he gets it. He's not supposed to pinch. I was being leaned on pretty heavily when Dg6's giant fried ice cream showed up so I resolved to make a lesson of it.

I sat Dg6 on my left knee and Wg4 on my right knee after Dg6 was finished, but there was still dessert remaining. "Dg6, are you willing to forgive your brother and let him forgo his punishment and have some of what's left of your dessert?"
"Yes."
"And Wg4, if you promise to stop pinching you may have some dessert. Do you promise to stop pinching." Faint mumbling. "What?"
"I think."
"No, that's not good enough, you must promise."
A thoughtful pause and then Wg4 says, "Then no, I don't want any dessert," and begins to slide off of my lap. I laughed out loud. It was wonderfully obvious he was being honest with himself and he was being honest with us. Several of us laughed out loud.
"Wait a minute come here. Why won't you promise?"
"It's too hard."
"Okay then, will you try your very best to stop pinching?"
"Yes."
"Dg6, is that good enough."
"Yes." (He would regret this as soon as the ride home.)
"Okay, you can have some dessert."

How can you not love the kid's integrity and his brother's willingness to forgive him. Good boys!

Brilliant Boy

2010-05-01T21:54:00.000-07:00

As we prepared to have Dg6 take a test that would enable him to enter the gifted program in our district I asked him, "Do you want to be a part of the gifted program?"
"No. Well, will we get to learn about dinosaurs?"
I exhange a look with his mother, "Well, I don't know, maybe."
"Then no."

At this point I did what all good parents do, I incentivized.
"You get to take a half day from class and go to a class where you'll do different fun activities."
"No. I don't want to do that."

Step 3, drop it and make him go if he gets in.

A week later he came home and I asked, "How was your day pal?" He usually responds with "good" or "okay" or "I don't know." On this day he said, "I had to do a big book of homework today in school." I didn't know what that meant and I let it slide. Later I learned this was the day he was tested for entrance into the gifted program.

His scores???? 98th percentile for Verbal, 81st percentile for Quantitative, and 91st percentile for Non-Verbal. Scores between 30th and 70th percentiles are considered average. You must score over 97th percentile in any one category to enter the gifted program. Well done little man.

He pays attention. He works hard. He has natural ability. Now we just need to nurture it.

Nightmares

2010-04-27T09:06:00.000-07:00

Last night Wg4 woke me at 2:30am. He'd had a nightmare. "I'm sorry buddy. Come here." I cradled him up into the bed and held him close.

"What was your nightmare pal?"
"I dreamed that aliens were coming and they were going to take me away from you guys."
"Oh, I'm sorry. It's okay pal. There are no real aliens. Don't worry." He was really scared.

As I've noted it is our rule that there be no kids in the bed during sleeping. After awhile I put him on the ground and told him I'd hold his hand. He locked on with a two hand death grip I thought might eventually pull me out of bed. I relented after a few minutes and told him he could come up. I put him on the inside, we lay close and I told him the rules; no snoring and no farting. I think we slept pretty well three in a bed.

Dg6 doesn't come in anymore. He used to and he would sleep on the ground and I would put my hand down and that worked. He was either obedient and endured his discomfort or a little braver. It does seem that all of Wg4's feelings are a little bigger. Higher highs and lower lows.

Apparently Wg4's nightmare is recurring. Nightmare's stink. This morning Wg4 informed me that he had obeyed my request and that no snoring or gas passing had occurred. What a ham.

A boy, a Bob, a bite, a blog

2010-04-26T19:59:00.000-07:00

Last Summer we went to San Diego on vacation. We were there a week. Jared and Marza had gotten an Akita. He was a rescue dog. He was a few years old. He had been wonderful, tolerant with the kids. So when Wg3 was near Bob the dog's bed petting him we didn't really give it a second thought.

Bob the dog. That's what we called him. Sometimes just Bob, but mostly Bob the dog. Bob had been in some street fights and had surgery to fix up some mangled ears. I think they were still sensitive. So that when Wg3 was being obnoxious, and I'm sure he was... he's an active, even over-active boy, he hit Bob the dog in a sensitive spot. Bob snapped at him once. Thank God only once.

Naomi screamed and I came to pick Wg3 up. Damage assessment. I saw a gash on his chin. I remember thinking it was weird that it wasn't bleeding. I walked him into the bathroom to take a closer look. I think everyone else was in shock. I looked inside his mouth. There were two puncture wounds inside Wg3's mouth and a gash on his chin. All his teeth were in place. His tongue looked okay.

I carried Wg3 to the car. As I put him in the car Wg3 asked, "Dad, am I gonna die?" "No son, you're not gonna die. We're just going to the hospital." Uncle Jared went along with us to show me the way to the hospital.

When we got there we were seen right away. I don't want to insinuate that it was quick, we were there 3 or 4 hours, but we were admitted into an interior waiting room right away. Wg3 was very anxious about getting any "stingy stuff." To you and I this is a shot. I told him he wouldn't need one, that it would be okay. It turns out I was wrong.

All I remember between the time we were admitted and the time the doc showed up is that I wanted to comfort him. We lay together and we talked and I stroked his head and I felt helpless. When the doc showed up we talked about what would happen. To do the stitches they would inject Novocaine into the gash. This would numb the area for the stitches.

I turned him over to the doctor. He resisted of course and they pinned him down and he screamed and he cried. "My Dad said there wouldn't be any stingy stuff. Dad! Dad! Help me! My Dad said there wouldn't be any stingy stuff. Dad! Daddy!" I was right there. I was useless.

By all estimates the doctor was very quick. I was amazed actually at how quick he was. I'd guess 90 seconds for the whole thing. I wanted to cry though. I want to cry now. They gave him back to me and I tried to just hold him. I wanted to absorb his pain, to take it from him, but of course I couldn't.

He never cried during the bite. Maybe it just happened so quickly or he was stunned or it just wasn't a sensitive spot, but he never cried then, not until the Novocaine. It turns out the mouth is very vascular and they didn't do a thing for the puncture wounds inside the mouth. Sure enough, a few days later and you could hardly tell Bob had bitten him inside his mouth.

Wg4's back in the saddle, petting dogs. He's himself I'd say. He's gregarious and bold, intrepid even. We love him very much.

I don't blame Bob the dog any more than I blame Wg3. They are what they are. Jared and Marza got rid of the dog. I feel bad about that, but am grateful I don't have to see Bob anymore. The scar on Wg4's chin is almost invisible. We've tried to care for it. You'd never know it happened I think.

But I know it happened. I've never felt so scared, so useless, so worthless, so humble all in one day.

Inspiration

2010-04-26T19:51:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been talking with another company about a job. NH is preggers. We love our ward. We love our neighborhood. We love our house. We love the elementary school. We love our neighbors...and we're contemplating moving. Hmmm.

I prayed and fasted Sunday. It was fast Sunday after all and as I sat on the stand a scripture came into my mind; "Be still and know that I am God." I know it was an answer to my prayer. I think I'll just cool my heels and see what happens. I know God loves me.

The VP comes down on Thursday to meet face to face. Hmmm.

Dg6 pulls his own tooth

2010-04-26T19:34:00.000-07:00

His teeth have been loose for awhile. He is the oldest kid in his class. The other kids have lost a great many teeth and he's been anxious for his to fall out. He's asked me to wiggle his tooth. Today, they were really loose. He wanted them pulled. I tried to grab them with pliers and a paper towel, but I couldn't get a grip. He suggested the ol' tie it to a door and slam the door trick. His mom suggested we just tie it to the truck bumper instead of the door. I thought they were all bad ideas.

My Grandpa Miller pulled my teeth. Pliers and a hanky. We called Nonnie to ask if we were doing something wrong. We weren't. In the pic, Nonnie is on the phone for the event. It was an event.

In the end, he pulled both of his own bottom teeth. Who does that?

His brother was immediately interested in Dg6's tooth size vs. some shark teeth they have. Dg6s teeth are not even a little sharkish.

Ingenious

2010-04-24T13:11:00.000-07:00

For a long time, wg4 has been the earilest to rise. There are times when he wakes the whole house. And then there are times when he's played for a long time in silence. Overwhelmingly though, I'd say he prefers our company. So the other day, when I heard him running across the second floor and into our room, I feared he may wake his mother early.

I was in the bathroom. I heard the footsteps stop. Then I heard the radio come on. I heard his footsteps pound out of the room and stop. Then I heard his footsteps pound again into our room. "Your alarm went off. It's time to get up!"
"It's only 6:30. My alarm didn't go off yet," says Mom.
"Yes it did."
"Wg3, it's only 6:30, my alarm doesn't go off until 6:45." A pause. The alarm goes off. She's up. As well engineered as I think a 4 year old gets. Well done, Wg4, well done.

A day in the life

2010-03-02T06:08:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, March 01, 2010

I don't know why we use our garage door as the main door in our house, but we do. And, each morning when I leave the door goes up with a laborious vibrating vrrrrrrr. It is important to note that the boys room is over the garage and that on occasion opening the door on my early departure wakes them. On this day as I prepared to get into the truck and make the trek to work I heard a little voice cry out, "Dad!" I thought there was a fire or something and headed back toward the garage opening when I see wg4 running through the garage in only pajama bottoms, hair mussed. He jumps into my arms. "Dad, I wanted to give you a hug before you left for work." Oh, is that all I think. Is that all, wow, what a wonderful way to start the day.

Later I got a call at work from dg6, "Dad, can we have a yard sale?"
"I don't know ask Mom and if she's okay with it so am I. What would you sell?"
"Yogurt and pickles and blueberries." The blueberries give away that he's looking in the fridge.
"Wait, you mean you want to have a stand where you can sell things?"
"Yeah."
"Son, I'm not sure people will stop to buy pickles or yogurt or blueberries. What would you charge?"
"$5"
"$5 is a lot son. It has to be a good deal for people or they won't buy anything from you and it has to be something that people actually want."
"Okay, what should we sell?"
"I don't know son, since this is your endeavor why don't you think about it."
"Dad, if you wanted to earn money what would you do?"
"I'd ask my parents for a list of chores and negotiate an allowance."
"Well, I'm not gonna do that."

Then wg4 gets on the phone. "Dad, I want armor and a sword so I can be a real knight."
"Well, you already have a sword and we could make you some armor out of the cardboard box upstairs."
"No Dad, real armor." At the Renaissance Festival he tried on some pretty cool gauntlets, so I think I know where he's going. They were cool and expensive! So, not to always run to cost I say, "Son, a full suit of real armor is very heavy and you're very small, I don't think you could lift it." A brief silence.
"Okay, we can make my armor out of the box." A bullet dodged.

On the way home I had a raging headache. We went for pizza. We know the owner. The boys call him by his last name which he enjoys.

Kait came over for family home evening. This Saturday she auditions for theater at the U. She's not ready. I suggested maybe she doesn't really want to do it, that she's been counselled by her instructor that she doesn't do better in competition because she is unprepared and yet she's still unprepared. She argues that maybe it isn't really the school she wants to go to by way of explaining why she's unprepared. She asks if I think she's lazy. I say, "Yes." I think it's time for her to get with the program or move on with her life. She's good, but she doesn't work hard yet. It's time she work hard.

My Paleontologist

2010-02-25T18:51:00.000-08:00

The other day I asked Dg6, "When you become a paleontologist, what will you name the first new (as yet undiscovered) dinosaur you find?"

Hmmm. "Trevilosaurus."
"Why Trevilosaurus?"
"I don't know."
"Well, when you get big and discover a new dinosaur I'm going to remind you that when you were little you said you would name the first dinosaur you discovered Trevilosaurus."
A smile. "Okay." Pause. "Hey, can we put it on the Internet?"
"Sure."

I like this girl...I hope you do too ( A young Julianne?)

2009-09-02T16:52:00.000-07:00

Tireful

2009-08-03T20:01:00.000-07:00

Today after kindergarten I asked dg5 what was his favorite part of kindergarten. He said, "The ice cream." "You got ice cream after school," I said, "What about during school?" "I don't know," he said. Hmmmm.

Everyone called to see how his day went. When his sister called he noted that the day was, "tireful." His mother thought this was cute and kept using it. I explained that he'd never get out of kindergarten if she didn't stop.

Dg5 told his mother he was playing in the sandbox and that the other kids kept running through a watch he was making for Lizzy out of the sand. None of the kids would play with him he said. His mom said just to introduce himself and ask if the kids wanted to play. He said it makes him nervous. It's time to learn some coping skills little man. Maybe they'll be the most important things you learn in school. Dear Heavenly Father, please bless him that those skills may come quickly.

I overheard dg5 talking to PaPa YD. dg5 was asked if he learned anything. dg5 said, "I learned one thing," a pause, "I learned how to kiss my brain." Who knows where he gets that from?

The Future Paleontologist

2009-08-03T07:17:00.000-07:00

This morning dg5 starts his formal education. For some reason I feel the need to document everything, like he ate dinosaur oatmeal for breakfast and he wore a T-rex shirt his first day. We leave in a few minutes. We'll take pictures and generally help him to feel the sense of excitement one should feel as they begin a new adventure, as they begin an education. I'm grateful we live in a country where dg5 can easily get an education.

A Father's Blessing

2009-08-02T18:54:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow dg5 begins his formal education. A series of events have led us to this day, I guess starting all the way back with his birth. He's grown and he's a beautiful, bright, brilliant boy.

Tonight dg5's Mother put him to work packing his lunch. For his first day he's chosen a plain bagel with strawberry cream cheese, a Danimals crushable strawberry yogurt, a water, strawberries and a butterscotch pudding for desert. I hope all of that is brain food.

In his class are Lizzy (Lizard), Briant, Spencer, and Benjamin. He knows them all. They are our neighbors. We attend church with their families. During his kindergarten orientation we got to see his class; there is a playground (kindergarten only) just outside his door. The orientation was nice and I think it broke the ice. He's excited about school.

Nh and I disagreed about the bus. Dg5 wanted to ride the bus, but I didn't want him to ride. I figured, his mom is home, she should take him until he's bigger. I rode the bus. There are bullies on every bus. I know, I was one of the bullies. At orientation Briant's family heard of our quandary, offered a ride since they had an extra seat anyway. It is a nice solution to our problem.

Her older children will walk him to class and after school they will get him to their car. He will receive a dollar on his first day for the ice cream man after school.

In the end I've suffered more over his impending school than he. I feel that the beginning of school is the beginning of a routine and a scheduling madness that turns one day into a week, one week into a month and one month into a season and a season in to a year. In my heart I'm already sending him on his mission. At once I love that he'll start school and that we'll be able to share in that experience, it's that inevitable sign that he will grow and move on. Right now I'm not ready for that experience. It really is illogical, but it's real.

Every year before school Naomi's father would use the preisthood with which he is entrusted to give each child a Father's blessing. Tonight I blessed both our boys in preparation for school. It's not lost on me however, who has blessed who.

Grrrr

2009-07-23T20:24:00.000-07:00

Tonight wg3, almost 4!, pooped in the tub. What?! Grrrr. I mean Grrrr. Kids can have too much fun.

Punishment

2009-07-23T20:20:00.000-07:00

I was talking to Paw Paw tonight and the boys were destroying a mat their mother has for aerobics. "Quit it," I said. But it didn't stop.

After I got off the phone I was miffed and very politely put the boys in the corner in timeout. Nose in the corner, no touching or leaning, hands at the sides. Paw Paw used to do this with me and I loathed it. After their release dg5 speaks.

"Dad, thanks."
"What for?"
"Putting me in timeout. I deserved it."
I was speechless. What do you say, "You're welcome." Whose kid is this anyway? He's a good kid.

Those were good times

2009-07-23T20:17:00.000-07:00

Tonight dg5 and I were reading one of his books.

"I remember when you guys bought me this book."
"You do?"
"Yeah. I couldn't even pick it up off the shelf." It's a dinosaur encyclopedia.
"How do you remember that?"
"I just do. I was like 3 or 4. Those were good times." !!!
"Really. Are these good times?"
"Yeah, but not as good."
"Why not?"
"We didn't have to work as much then."

Family Night

2009-06-26T21:07:00.000-07:00

Tonight we went swimming as a family. It was great fun. Nh and dg went off to do an obstacle course and a slide while wg and I goofed off and chased each other.

After a while I got out and wg entertained himself while dg and Nh continued to play elsewhere. I was amazed that our blue lipped beauty continued to play and entertain himself for so long. Other kids jostled him, hit him and he couldn't have cared less. I wanted to throttle some of the bigger kids.

I stood on the edge with a smile while he played. My heart quickened as he ventured into deep waters. The water just over his chin, kids splashing and flopping and screaming, but every time he would work his was to better water, that same blue lipped grin on his face. I admired that. I thought the fear would grip him since he can't swim, but it didn't. He soldiered on.

Wg is a great kid, except when he yells at his brother that he hates him. Wg doesn't have a host of coping skills yet so we try to explain why that isn't cool. And just when we think we're getting somewhere dg takes the torture to a whole new level and wg lashes out and hurts him and I say, "See that's what you get, quit teasing him." Revenge. Oh yes, don't teach them that's okay. "Wg it isn't okay to hurt other people."
"But Dad he called me Doodie head!" The travesty! The inhumanity! What are you gonna do?

It was a fun evening, thanks Nh for good times.

Dg5, what a ham!

2009-06-26T21:05:00.000-07:00

Today dg5 called me "Dude."
I said, "Don't call me dude, dude."
And he said, "What am I supposed to call you Steve?"

You're definitely not ugly.

2009-06-15T21:45:00.000-07:00

Today we were at the checkout counter at Target. The boys were riled up. Wg3 looked right at the cashier and said, "Your ugly!" Grrrr. I whipped him around, hoping she was oblivious to the insult and teased, "No your ugly!" and quickly wrestled him away and out the door.

Outside I gave him a serious tongue lashing. I was ticked. I know he's only three, but I also know he knows that saying someone is ugly is mean. I was very upset.

The weird thing is that Wg3 is a people person, very affable. As we walked out of the restaurant after dinner he said very adultishly to the people dining on the patio, "Are you folks havin' a good dinner?" I don't think they heard him and I don't think he stopped to hear the answer, but just a little evidence that he is a very genial fellow.

A little later at the Supermarket I broke off from the pack and did some tactical shopping. When I got back wg3 rushed to tell me he had told the man behind us that he "is definitely not ugly." What are you gonna do, he's trying.

"Dad, don't! It's poison!"

2009-06-14T20:40:00.001-07:00

This one makes me laugh.

I took the boys geocaching for the first time today. However, we went out into the desert mid-day and when we got back we were all hot. So I took them upstairs to wet down their little heads and prevent a brain fry. As we got into the bathroom I grabbed a spray bottle and called wg3, "Come over here buddy."

"Dad, don't! It's poison!"
"What? What's poison?" I thought nh had gone crazy and put a cleaner in there where the boys could reach it.
"That bottle. Dg5 peed in it and I squeezed bleach wipes in there."
"Dg5, did you pee in this?"
"No." But clearly he was lying.
"Why would you pee in this bottle?"
"I don't know."
"Ah, so then you did pee in it!"
"Yes. Sorry." Sorry? "I barely got any in it though." Some consolation.
"Dg5. I don't care that you peed in it, though I don't want you to do it again, but don't lie to me son. Okay?"
"Okay." It's poison...that makes me laugh.

It's just a piece of flagstone

2009-06-14T20:28:00.001-07:00

I'm laying flagstone down on the grass in front of the garden so NH has a path to walk along with our wearing a path in the grass. I cut away the sod, remove the grass and place the perfectly fit flagstone in the hole. Occasionally, I have to take a 4lbs. sledge and a chisel and remove small chunks. The sprinklers came on, so I resigned my commission, but left the sledge where I would pick up next day.

We had friends over and their kids and our kids were running in the sprinklers. When I left I never gave it a second thought that they might find my sledge. Well, they did.

I think it was wg3 first. He began to pound away at the piece freshly laid. I was upstairs and the other children's mother was outside with the kids. It wasn't long and her daughter joined in the fun, both the same age - 3. Dg5 is said to have taken a swipe, but without breaking anything. As the other children's mother said, "Hey, I don't think you guys should be doing that," dg5 responded, "No, it's okay, my Dad doesn't care." What???

I handled it all very reasonably. I walked out with wg3 and said, "Do you think I laid this flagstone here so you could destroy it with my hammer?"

"Yes." Did he really say yes????

"Actually wg3, no, no I didn't. What should your punishment be?"

"Time out would be good."

"That doesn't seem like enough."

"Okay, some time out and a soft swat on the bottom." Don't be so hard on yourself I think sarcastically. I can't make myself punish him even though it seems right to me that I should.

"Wg3. I'm not going to punish you, but DO NOT even think about doing it again, and you're gonna clean this mess up pal. Deal?"

"Deal." Cute kid.

We scored a goal

2009-06-14T20:21:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling pretty crummy for the kids I coach. My expectations weren't high, just please Lord let them score a goal. Well, finally the curse is broken. We scored. I felt relieved.

Many of the kids are coming back for the summer session of soccer. I'll get to coach them again and I'm glad because they're great kids. The next goal??? How about a win? Here's hoping and yes I know we're not keeping score, but try to tell the kids not to keep score.

When we got in the van after the game I offered high excitement about our goal.
"But we got killed," dg5 said!
"I know son, one thing at a time. We scored."

Lord thanks for the score. It would mean a lot to the kids if they could win. Can we get some help with that too?

Pills

2009-06-10T21:12:00.000-07:00

I haven't taken my pill for awhile now. It's for anti-anxiety. Well, wouldn't you guess, my emotions are a little out of control. They are hard to control anyway and at times I feel very overwhelmed. I'm feeling very sensitive.

I hate the idea that I need a magic pill, that somehow I'm broken. I feel broken.

Tonight consumption begins again. I've contained my feelings pretty well with a lot of vigilance, but I don't think it can last. Better I'm broken than my family.

Drilled

2009-06-10T21:03:00.000-07:00

When we practice the kids like to play against the parents at the end. It's fun. One of the kids' brother comes and we let him play if he walks. He' probably 8 or 9. Well yesterday he booted one and drilled dg5 right in the face. It was hard to see.

I comforted him briefly, but the physical pain wasn't the hardest part for him and he didn't return without much coaxing. What was really hard was all of the attention everyone paid him or that he perceived they were paying him. He spoke of being "nervous" in his throat. I'd like to get him back in the saddle, but if his problem is anxiety what the heck do you do about that?

We're going to keep plugging along like a good family and hope either it goes away or God grants me the wisdom to help him through. He's such a brilliant, wonderful boy and it WAS a wicked hard shot to the mug.

A day at the beach

2009-06-10T20:30:00.001-07:00

Can you have plumber's crack at 5?

So we spent a day at the beach. Grandma Brown got the boys a set of beach toys. We made castles, then we made castles close to the tide to see if they would withstand the inrushing water. They didn't. At some point during the day, I think during the castle making, dg5 said, "Dad, this is the best day ever." It was a pretty good day. Near the end wg3 asked to be buried in the sand and his brother quickly joined in. Sweet boys, that's what they are, just sweet boys.

Peeing in the Ocean

2009-06-10T20:15:00.000-07:00

I'm not against peeing in the ocean. I think it's okay. I don't remember any time when I've done it, but I'm sure I have. So when wg3 said he had to pee at the beach I told him to just go in the ocean.

"No. You're just kidding," he coyly says.

"No, really, go ahead. It's okay."

So off he went. A moment later I realized my mistake as wg3 marched calf deep into the water and dropped trow. I cried out to him and he stopped. We pulled up his pants and waded in waist deep. "Okay, now you can go."

Look, peeing in the ocean isn't an elegant solution it's convenient, but with a little discretion it can be done. Wg3 just didn't get the discretion part.

Reboot

2009-06-10T02:22:00.000-07:00

I've dreamed dark dreams tonight. One and I wake up. I shake it off, sleep, another and I wake up. I remember at least 5 of them in my first three hours of sleep.

I wake up and I get up after the last one. It's 1:13 and I am awake and I hear the t.v. on downstairs. We didn't leave the t.v. on though. I check on dg5 because he is alone. wg3 has long since been in our bedroom. I head downstairs. The television is off. I check the doors and turn on some outside lights. Trying to break the nightmare cycle I turn on the t.v. It's between COPS and YoYo Ma and the Silk Road Ensemble. Part of me wants COPS, but thinks it will do very little to assuage my nightmares. I choose YoYo Ma - who is not a woman by the way.

For the last hour I hear instruments new to me from around the world; Iran, China, India and an Argentinian woman in stretch pants suffering what looks like an epileptic gyration while she plays something that looks like a bagpipe. In my opinion the greatest instrument of all is the human voice, which they showcase beautifully.

It's over an hour now and I'm tired. I wonder if a father can will the nightmares of his children to come to him. I hope they sleep well and dream well. I go in again now and who knows. Maybe that dark man will come to me again, maybe I will dream of my grandparents, or maybe I will, in that misty place, find my children again and my soul can rest peacefully too.

Team Lydick

2009-05-31T20:45:00.000-07:00

I was resigned to the fact that we would do grass next year and then... it happened. Someone from Craigslist took all of the landscaping rock out of our backyard and did a great job. After all, 20 ton of rock is an Arizonan's idea of landscaping, but as a transplant I reserve the right to mix it up.

After that it was high gear. Put in the trenches, put in the irrigation, till the ground, mix in the nitrolized wood products, sulfur and phosphorus, roll the soil, lay the sod. It writes out in a few lines, but plays out as a series of very long, tiring days. It requires the whole Lydick family - a little thing we like to call Team Lydick around here.

It all starts with power tools. What boy doesn't love the rumble of big power tools?

Tree removal is a family affair. What would Treebeard think?

Show me a trench and I'll show you a boy who can't, can't, can't stay out of it. I love these boys.

Contrary to popular opinion there was no manure in it. Oh and elephants do have the largest poops, like anybody really needs to know that. It's no wonder wg3 dumped about a pound of fertilizer out of his little shoes.

By the sweat of my brow, till it, roll it.

Yes, it's dark. The truck rolled in around 7:20 pm. It was start then or wait until 5am the next morning. I started. The good people in these four photos are blessings unlooked for. My neighbor does landscapes for a living. He's been walking me through the mine field. Thank God for his advice. Little did I know that when he saw the delivery and realized I was doing it alone that he would recruit his whole family to help. Jim, Angela, Sophia, and Ben. Good folks everyone. In the bottom right is Louis. Louis is my home teacher. He was planning on 5 am, but when nh told him the grass was here he came right over. I feel so lucky to have such good, kind people to help us. The lawn looks great and I am watering it like I don't live in Arizona hoping it will take root. We've done what we can, now grow grass grow.

The Team Lydick member behind the camera did more than anyone. She kept going, preparing, doing, de-rocking, digging her poor wrist into oblivion while I was at work. Why should I be so lucky to have such a wife? We did it for the boys. We hope they will enjoy it for many years to come.

Too much Star Wars

2009-05-31T20:40:00.001-07:00

Someone has to lose

The things a sister does

2009-05-31T20:39:00.001-07:00

Allergies

2009-05-31T20:32:00.001-07:00

I think we over medicate dg5 for his allergies. The only way to get it exactly right is to wait until it's too late. What do we do? Medicate what seems like every night. nh and I bicker about it because I don't like it, but in the end what the heck to I know?

Nh delivered cookies tonight to families she visit teaches. The lady's kids really wanted nh to come in so she and wg3 did. They have cats. Wouldn't you know, wg3 is allergic. He looked awful, though he was fully himself. A bath and benadryl helped. Here he is after he improved.

The Power of Television

2009-05-31T20:20:00.000-07:00

wg3 routinely gives thanks during family prayers for the electricity to our television. He used to be indifferent to t.v. It would be on and he would just go off and play. Now, he's glued. We try very hard to limit his intake, but I'd say if it's in his prayers it also coded in his root directory. Maybe we should throw the stupid t.v. away.

Nightmares

2009-05-13T19:12:00.000-07:00

Two nights ago nh experienced a nightmare.
"How bad could it be," I said?
"You died of a heart attack."
"Oh. Yeah, that's pretty bad." I started working out again today.

Last night dg5 had a nightmare and came into our room.
"Can I sleep in here?"
"Sure," and I set him up on the floor.
At 3:45am I hear screaming, it's dg5.
"What? What is it?"
"I had a bad dream." Sobs.
"I'm sorry. Come here buddy." After a small reprieve, "What did you dream about?"
Every time I touched him he jumped, I mean he was spooked.
"We were in our car and there was a ghost sound in the back and it was coming up to the front."
"Well I'm sorry you're scared."
"Can I sleep there," pointing betwixt his mother and I.
"No, because if you do you're the only one that will get any sleep."
"I don't want to sleep on the floor anymore." He was still jumping if I touched him.
"Okay, little man. I'll sleep on the floor and you take my spot, okay?"
"Yeah. Sure."
"We're not going to make a habit of this little dude."
"Okay."
"Goodnight dg5, I love you."
"Love you Dad."
Hello floor, I hate you.

Fathers and Sons Camp Out 2009

2009-05-05T21:00:00.000-07:00

wg3 very much wanted to go this year. I firmly believe his words were designed to cause me as much pain as possible and it was very difficult to leave him. But he's very energetic and I want him were I can see him because of the water, the fire and the snakes. And so dg5 and I went off together with promises of a camp out in 2010 that would include us all. It was all pretty quiet, which is fine with me. But there was one fishing story.

I am trying to teach dg5 to fish. Last year at a stocked fishing event he won a Sponge Bob pole. It was a crappy pole and after only a few hours it gave up the ghost. In the beginning though the water was churning with fish. We had two problems, too much slack in our line and a slow response time to set the hook. Essentially, we were feeding the fish.

My instructions???? "When the bobber drops yank your pole back over your head to set the hook...and don't hit me." When I think about it the don't hit me part is pretty stupid. I just tried to stay close enough to help, but far enough away to have time to duck.

Four other Fathers and their Sons were there a day early with us and while we were fishing and having no luck another Father close by called over to us, "Hey Lydick, do you want to let your son reel this fish in?" After a quick glance at each other we walked their way and dg5 did exactly as he was instructed, the bobber dropped and he yanked. If I had told him there is no need to yank after the hook is set the fish would not have exited the water in a wide arc over everyone's head and landed in the forest. It didn't matter to him, it was just as exciting as anything else.

What is it about boys and fire?

Dg5 cut his finger pulling up Switch Grass and sulked for a little while by the campfire. The smores brough him out of the stupor he was in.

Friends and the lake, does it get better when you're a kid?

It was a cold morning. It might even have been as low as 50 degrees F.

Early in the morning

"I love Father and Son Camp Out"

Soccer Drama

2009-05-05T20:47:00.001-07:00

Today we played soccer games that teach the kids skills. During the process kids always get hurt. Apparently it was Dg5's turn. He stepped on the ball to stop it, but in the fray his weight shifted to the foot holding the ball and the momentum cause the ball to roll throwing him to the ground. It was a crappy way to fall and it looked like it hurt.

I observed for a few seconds to assess the severity and sure enough he cried hard. I went over and comforted him for a sec and asked him if he got the wind knocked out of him. "Dad, I think I broke my back." "Okay Son, get up....there now why don't you go over and rest and get a drink." Broke his back. Where do kids get this stuff?

Afterwards I took the time to praise his recovery, for shaking off the pain and getting back in the game.

I worry a little about dg5 though. When I called to him and asked if he wanted to get back in it he said yes and came over. I paid him no special attention because he's like his Mom and that makes his anxiety worse. However, as he joined in the 1 v 1 exercise he froze up, crossed his arms across his chest and put on the I'm really anxious look.

I said, "Do you want to go?" He just shook his head "no."

My solution, act like it was no big deal without missing a step. I mean, what's the other option???? Maybe I could talk him into it, but I didn't because then everyone would be looking at us and I think it would be worse.

After one more round he was good to go and stepped in to battle the field champion. It was a fierce contest and he lost it, but he was good after that. The kid heals like Wolverine.

They Said It

2009-05-05T20:40:00.000-07:00

"Dad, I'm not as good as Corey."
"Why do you say that dg5?"
"Cause his dad works with him to get more aggressive." - I'm the coach! How much more involved can you be? He's making great progress by the way.

At the Father-Son Campout
"Dad, you know why I wanted to climb to the top of this mountain?"
"No, why pal?"
"Cause you need the exercise."

Because I haven't been able to spend as much one on one with wg3 he said,
"Dad, when are we gonna do somethin' just you and me?"
"What do you want to do?"
"Go up on Mountain Lemmon."
"Okay, how about next Saturday?"
"Just you and me?"
"Yep."
"Okay, just you and me and Mom and Dg5."
"I thought you wanted just you and I?"
"I do and Mom and dg5."

Because wg3 wakes up with me early I try to say a morning prayer with him. Today, he resisted. "Wg3, what are you doing? I just want to say a prayer."
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because you're gonna say one of your long ones."
"Okay, I won't."
"Okay, a short one."
"Okay."
Apparently I'm long winded even in prayer.

A child's prayer

2009-04-29T19:33:00.000-07:00

dg5, "Dear Heavenly Father, we're thankful for all you've given us. We're thankful for Jesus and that you sent him to do all the work. We know you don't like doing any work. And we're thankful for him. And we hope we all get to live with you again. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen."

She's a Feisty Sheila

2009-04-27T21:13:00.001-07:00

Little Planters

2009-04-27T21:09:00.001-07:00

Personal Space

2009-04-27T21:01:00.000-07:00

Ever since I've been coaching dg5's soccer team he wants to spend every waking moment doing something with me. I really love it. I know there will be a time when he'll want to be anywhere, but with me.

Yesterday we played Legos, Light Saber Fighting, War, Sorry and watched Prince of Egypt together. In the evening I wanted a little space so when nh wanted to go on a walk I was grateful and stayed behind. It wasn't long and they came home and both boys were on my knees and I was trying to use the computer. It was ridiculous to keep trying. I guess I can wait for the personal space when they stop wanting to hang out in 8 to 10 years. It is a great blessing to be loved so much.

Maybe we'll work on everybody getting quiet time soon.

Dg5 Insights

2009-04-27T20:49:00.001-07:00

Dg5's teacher shared her opinion of dg5 after having him in class for awhile now. We pretty much knew it, but she said it well.

Dg5 is a 5 year old who will size up a situation. He has anxiety, trepidation with new situations. On his first day of school he'll walk to the lunch room and while he's trying to decide where to sit the seats will all fill up. He won't know what to do, he'll feel anxious. We agree. I love to have this confirmed from a second source because we can develop strategies to prepare him for it.

He's also very equitable and won't allow others to behave poorly without a word. He very politely tells kids a thing isn't fair, or could you please get off our dirt pile because he knows I don't want people on it. I love this about him. He could clam up, be afraid, shiver, but he doesn't, he addresses it and that takes a certain kind of courage. We'll see what happens the first time a kid clobbers him for not keeping his opinions to himself.

He's a pleaser. He strives to be obedient. He rarely gets in trouble because he knows and respects boundaries. Oh and he's hilarious. I love his sense of humor. I mean it, the kid is funny.

Magic

2009-04-27T20:27:00.000-07:00

Off with the training wheels. It's time. Heck, it's past time. He's so big now that when he leans the training wheels actually bend.

So it's time to suit up. I never had pads or a helmet. I have the scars and brain damage to prove it, but today we know better. We can protect them. Only one thing left to do, wrap him in packing bubbles and hope he can pedal wrapped up.

This might be the first big thing for me. He has to go to school in the fall, but in many ways teaching him to ride his bike without training wheels is a symbolic step to independence, to the exhiliration and joy of freedom. The wind in his hair, speed through the power of his own two legs, great speeds, the world whizzing by. I'm familiar with it.

I'll let go, he'll crash. I'll let go, he'll crash. He may want to give up, but he'll go again and when he gets it the feeling will seem like magic. Heck, it will be magic. Maybe letting go isn't so bad.

They said it

2009-04-27T20:17:00.000-07:00

wg3 asked tonight if I ever died.

wg3 is preoccupied with his size right now. He wants to be as tall as dg5, but he isn't. As we talked about it tonight for the umpteenth time dg5 said, "He may be small, but he's very important."

I brought home flowers tonight for nh. I explained tonight that pollen is what attracts bees and it also causes allergies in people.
"But we don't eat it."
"No silly, of course we don't."
"But you eat peanut butter." He's allergic to peanut butter. Hmmm, silly me. Kids really do connect the dots.

A Sealing

2009-04-27T20:04:00.000-07:00

Two Saturdays past we had the privilege of witnessing a family come together in the Temple to be sealed. This is one year after baptism. A father returned, an eldest son baptized, a few weeks later a mother baptized and after that, the youngest son was baptized. Having remained true to their covenants they made the trip and find themselves now on the highest path a family can take, a path whose destination resides in eternity, the path home.

I loved to be with them in the Temple. The Temple is evidence of Christ's sacrifice, of His Atonement and of His love for us all. The Temple stands as a witness that Heavenly Father sees what we can be, that he expects us to strive to meet the very highest standards, that we are expected to meet the full measure of our creation. I am grateful for the Wilkins. I am grateful for the Temple. I am grateful for my family. Today my joy is full.

Intelligence is the Glory of God

2009-04-27T20:02:00.000-07:00

I'm convinced God made so many ants because he knew little boys would annihilate at least half.

Dad, wg3 is President

2009-04-16T18:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday when I came home I had to take a spigot apart and pack it with teflon so it would seal and thereby use all of the plumbing I buried for the sole purpose of watering the garden. nh had the boys and their cousins upstairs and it sounded like they were playing a game.

After the spigot I laid down the laser tubing for the watering of the plants. As I neared completion of the laser tubing task wg3 opened the patio door and cried, "Dad, wg3 is President, wg3 is President."

What is he talking about is what I was thinking, but he was so excited I just shook his hand and heartily congratulated him.

Come to find out he had drawn a card in the game of Life that said he was president. A nice little surprise for a nice little fella!

The Brain is Ticking

2009-04-16T18:39:00.001-07:00

I have a song for a ring tone. The song is the theme song to Firefly, a TV series by Joss Wheaton.

Take my love. Take my land. Take me where I cannot stand.
I don't care. I'm still free. You can't take the skies from me.
Take me out to the black, tell them I ain't coming back.
Burn the land, boil the seas, you can't take the skies from me

There's no place I can see, since I found Serenity
You can't take the sky from me.

I sing this song to myself often. I like it.

The other day wg3 says, "That man flys in outer space."
"What man?"
"That man in the song." Hmmmm. That's pretty good insight for a 3 year old I think.

In Vain

2009-04-14T22:08:00.000-07:00

Each morning I rise before anyone else. I shower, shave, brush teeth etc... Most mornings wg3 arises, wanders in and keeps me company. He is always eager to hand me my towel, to get the shower door, to pick out my shirt and pants. If dg5 rises, which doesn't happen often these days, they will compete over who can pack my lunch. It's all very interesting if you ask me. I wonder what it all means?

This morning as I dried off wg3 asked me, "What is in vain?"
"What?"
"What does in vain mean?"
"What are you saying?"
"IN VAIN! What does it mean?"
"You mean like, don't take the name of the Lord in vain?"
"Yeah, what does that mean?"

We've been trying to direct his speech down safe paths. Here's hoping.

Not at all manly

2009-04-09T21:57:00.000-07:00

I took a basketball to the face tonight. I busted my glasses and cut my nose. Under normal circumstances I may proudly brag about the scars of war, except the game hadn't started yet and I never touched the ball with anything but my face the whole night.

I'm blind withouts me spectacles so I promptly left and found a place that fixed me up free of charge. In the end, I wonder if it's a subconscious way of getting out of exercise. Oh insidious mind!

Helping Hands

2009-04-06T19:03:00.000-07:00

Today we glued the capstones on the garden wall. The boys wanted to help. Wg3's hands are just too little for the caulk gun and though we tried our best he soon went on to other pursuits. Then there were two, dg5 and I. Dg5 got better as we went and before long the task was complete.

It's funny how working together fosters close feelings between people. When we were nearly done dg5 said, "I don't know if I should say it or do it." Sweat dripped in my eyes. "Just do it buddy, c'mon." He then pointed to me and crossed his arms over his chest. He tells me this means 'I love you' in sign language.

I don't think he ever expresses the sentiment so earnestly as when we're working side by side.

The book that took seven years

2009-04-05T21:43:00.000-07:00

How to Keep Your Family Together When the World is Falling Apart is signed by the author, Dr. Kevin Lehman. My Mother-in-Law gave it to me 7 years ago. I like non-fiction, mostly histories, but I just never started and when I did it was hard to keep going. However, I vowed to read no other books until I finished it and at long last I have.

The plan was always to pass it on to the next kid in the family. Someone that might read it.

It's very practical, with lots of executable ideas. I wonder who in the family might be open to improvement? The ones who are willing probably need it least. Maybe that's why it took me seven years to get to and plow through. I think I'll send it to Aunt SJ. In keeping with my theory, she probably doesn't need it. I guess in the end I'm just going with who might actually read it. I probably wasn't the optimum choice to begin with.

Though I would not plod through it again, I would happily reference it often. I did learn a great deal. I may get a copy of my own to keep on the shelf for just that purpose. Thanks Mom.

Let it Grow

2009-04-05T21:34:00.001-07:00

Here I am, happy to help and cheap labor.

Here are the boys planting seeds.
Dg5 went all pirate and said, "Gaaaaarrrrden" for the picture.
He has a wonderful sense of humor.

Here are the boys, happy to help...and cheap labor.

I know Batman and it's Batmen

2009-04-05T21:27:00.001-07:00

It's all fun and saving the day until you catch them unawares.

Apnea

2009-04-05T20:54:00.001-07:00

I've got it, a mild case, but I've got it. I told my new doc I'm fatigued all of the time. So he sent me for a sleep test. Now I wear nose plugs at night so I hit and stay in REM. I had 7 physical blockages of my airway and 7 centrals. A central is when my brain just forgets to send the signal to tell me to breathe. Thanks Brain. This number didn't seem like a lot, but then they told me there were 76 mini-apneas and I guess that's a lot.

My doc and I made a deal. Lose some weight. Get my cholesterol down. My bad is 170 and he tells me it is supposed to be below 100 and ideally below 70. So lose some weight and see me in two months. Can you give me three I say? Sure, but lose some weight he says or we're going to put you on cholesterol medication.

This is how it happens. A pill at 33, another at 39, one at 48, one at 56 and before you know it I have a pillbox with SSMTWTF on it so I know what pills to take and when. The pillbox is accountability avoidance, a recipe for avoiding the reckoning.

Here's me with like 30 wires attached to my head with wax. It didn't bother me, but what did what the one they put on my finger to read my oxygen level. It bugged me all night.

The Card Theory

2009-04-05T20:43:00.000-07:00

My Mother is upset I don't send birthday cards to her husband of many years. Maybe a person would say I didn't like him, but nothing could be further from the truth. He's nice enough and I'd venture to say he treats my Mother well.

You'd think sending a card would be easy and you'd be right. So why don't I?

I asked my Grandmother on Mom's side why she'd be so upset over a thing like that and my Grandmother says it's because she thinks you don't care. Like and idiot I said, "Grandma I don't send you cards, do you think I don't love you?" "That's right." HOLY CRAP I thought, she's kidding right? I have a picture of this Grandmother and my Grandfather whose passed away in my closet. They're the first thing I see each day and very often the last I see at night. I think of them daily, but she doesn't see it that way. Lunacy! I cry to myself. This is just crazy! But it isn't to them. The card matters.

I find myself guilty of behavior I've loathed in others. My imperfections mount, my beam is huge. It isn't enough to say you love someone, you have to do things, even if it only means a card. So I'll send my step-dad cards, not because he cares, but because my Mother does. And I've already sent the first of many cards off to Grandma. I'm trying to remember, it's not what's important to me, it's what's important to them.

I'm not organized much so I've set up a system that will allow me to succeed. I've bought a whole box of birthday cards, I'll be pre-printing labels and adding stamps so that when the time comes I can catch up in the card and send it quickly. Batch and queue baby, batch and queue.

I was a real curmudgeon

2009-04-05T20:39:00.000-07:00

Parenting classes. I have an 18 y.o., a 5 y.o. and a 3 y.o. Isn't that experience enough? Nh started going to parenting classes. She came back from the first one and said she was the only one there without a husband. I went to the next class.

I asked what she learned and it sounded like another hour of church, which is fine, but I was hoping for very specific tools and theories and guidelines on parenting. Tell me what you've got and let me decide how to proceed. Well, I was pleasantly surprised. The teacher was engaging and the material was actually pretty good. In fact, I'd say I have more information than I know what to do with.

I wasn't wanting to go, I was a curmudgeon. Sometimes the only thing I can do to stop myself is duct tape and when I run out I get into trouble.

Put me in Coach

2009-04-05T20:33:00.000-07:00

dg5's coach works Saturdays. As a result he missed many of the games and I happily substituted for him. I learned that I really love working with those kids. How cool to see them change and grow.

I volunteered to coach dg5's next team. Wg3 isn't going to be playing for awhile. He just isn't interested. He walks off the field and just sits down. I never would have figured him for it, but that's what he does. He's 3, what are you going to do?

I met a bunch of the kids yesterday. They are so tiny. Crap, I'm afraid for them. About half the team is girls which I'm excited about. On wg3's team there is not question the girls were the agile, coordinated ones. I just can't get past their size, they're tiny.

Well, it's a new adventure. One I think will be great fun.

I Love My Country

2009-04-05T20:09:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about what kind of patriot I fancy myself. To this point in my life I have been an armchair patriot. I vote. I have opinions. Beyond that I am acted upon by my political system and the truth is I think it's busted. I feel like the system has been infiltrated by special interest and career politicians to reap and hoard for themselves with little thought for their country. I'm ashamed of many of them.

I believe this is a Nation under God. I love the pledge of allegiance and my politics dictate that we should welcome everyone through the legal immigration process, but if they want our Nation under God to cater to them we should explain it doesn't work that way. The God we are a Nation under is not Allah or Buddha or anybody else for that matter. He is a Christian God, the God of our Founding Fathers. If they want religion we should respect it, but they can be offended somewhere else. This is the Nation I believe in.

This Nation under God does not believe in abortion and does not provide monies to Mexico for abortions either. We believe in peace and oppose tyranny, not in ideology, but on the ground with troops. Our good men and women give their lives continually in the service of their Nation under God.

This Nation under God is a nation of Marriage between one man and one woman. There is no other definition of Marriage, there was not from the foundation of this country, the fight to change that sacred definition is tyranny. If a person's sexual orientation is same sex they wave the right in their union to legal recognition a Marriage. It is not Marriage, it never has been. Accommodating same sex unions under the title of Marriage is tyranny. Nearly the entire Nation under God has said so, let it be so. Gay rights? Since when is sexual preference the basis of a right in the United States?

I get not discriminating, not heckling, not demeaning, not hurting. Leave them be, but do not let them dictate what constitutes Marriage. God had done that and it is not for men to undo.

I feel a sense of urgency to participate in opposition to government intervention in business. Recently the President pressured the head of GM to resign on the threat of withholding bailout money. The money should never have been offered in the first place. We have a free market society, let em sink. Behind them is another company and better ideas, spirit and will. AIG, GM, Ford, Chrysler, we'll miss you, thanks and se la vi. This is what happens in a free market and the fallout has never been as bad as we've at first anticipated, never. Americans still retain the desire to succeed, we will survive. Let the free market work. When the capitalist soil is tilled, and the manure of old machinery mixes, new companies will spring up.

Wild Man

2009-04-05T19:58:00.001-07:00

The kid is out of control sometimes. He went from completely timid to throwing himself into the fray. I started calling him Wild Man. He makes a face like he doesn't like it, but having seen this a lot I know it's his way of hiding the fact that he really likes it. After a few games he asked, "Dad, was I a wild man?"

It's a thin disguise.

The Blue Dragons

2009-04-05T19:51:00.001-07:00

wg3 with sister

I'm told that between the ages of 3 and 6 children will very often act out fantasies. This happens with our children of course, but wg3 really immerses himself. A wonderful quality of being 3 is the missing inhibition. At wg3's last soccer game he took being a Blue Dragon (team name) very seriously. He ran around the field roaring at the kids like a dragon. This really gave some of the other children reason to stop, pause, and internally at least, ask themselves what the heck he was doing. It was very funny.

Maybe funniest of all was the cough that began to interrupt his roaring as he became hoarse. Not very intimidating.

No Smoking

2009-04-05T19:43:00.000-07:00

wg3's last soccer game was attended by his 4 local grandparents. My parents smoke. We teach wg3 that smoking is harmful for you and you shouldn't do it. Well, during his game the precocious little monkey smelled someone, somewhere smoking. As a consequence he took it upon himself to march up to them on the sidelines and yell, "Stop smoking. It's bad!" They were shocked, primarily because it wasn't them smoking. They absolutely don't do it around the boys. They probably wonder if we coach him, but we don't. Apparently the he has a passion for smoking cessation, odd for a three year old, but whatever.

You really have to watch him. As he's walking by a smoker he will reach out, smack the person's leg or pants and yell, "Stop smoking!" What do you say to that? Bless the kids heart.

Video Games

2009-03-01T19:33:00.000-08:00

I love video games. At one point I loved them so much it was hurting my marriage so I all but gave them up.

Lately I've been jonesing to buy a Wii. It looks like fun, but two things are stopping me.

1.) I don't think the games are good for kids. It is only a personal opinion, but I think it contributes to the rise in ADHD as I think television does. Believing that, I can hardly indulge knowing the kids will be included. On rare occasions dg5 and I will play a racing/crash game. I don't like the way it makes me feel when we play together. For that reason I refrain foremost.

2.) In my last stake the number one reason for divorce was not infidelity, or pornography, or money issues, it was video games. Men would not put the games away to be with their families. What an empty existence. To that point there are signs of addictive inclinations and incidents in my family. These have never been healthy. Knowing the kids may have a predisposition to addicitions and knowing that video game studies have proven the games are addictive, how can I put the two together?

I am sometimes a lazy parent. I would prefer "wrastling" to reading or playing a game. I do both, but I very much want to try harder to be a more engaged parent and "wrastling" isn't going to get me there.

The end game is I want healthy children. One day I will die and when they look back I want them to know I loved them because I gave them the most precious thing I have to give, my time. It is not enough to feel love. Love is a do word, a verb, an action. Do = Love, Do Not, but feel Love = Broken, Do Not = no love.

And I think a notch up from that is to give them the very best time I have. Sometimes that will be wrestling, but more often than not it will be exploring, or playing pretend, or reading, or teaching and sometimes just laying with them so they can get to sleep. I love being a Father.

He's trying and he likes it for awhile

2009-03-01T19:17:00.000-08:00

Look at the smile on his face. Man does he love the parent tunnel. He wasn't the animal I thought he would be. At one point he just walked off of the field. Quite frankly I think 3 is too young for him. Another year or two and he'll be ready I think.

It didn't help that his cousin Z was there. All he wanted to do is play with him. wg looks up to him as he does his brother. He very much wants to be part of their world and they very much want to just play between the two of them.

It's a hard thing. I think dg and I will have a talk soon. I want him to know that his brother loves and admires him and that love his brother unconditionally offers is a precious trust that dg5 should strive to be grateful for, respect and honor, as annoying as it may seem sometimes.

I am very grateful for both of my sons.

I thought he wouldn't have the taste for it

2009-03-01T19:02:00.000-08:00

His first game. It was great fun to see him. I thought he would stand around, pick at the grass be disinterested, but the kid was a defensive animal. I'm telling you, I'll bet he caused 4 or 5 kid pile ups, running head long into the packs of kids coming towards the goal he was defending, running up from beside them and kicking the ball away. When I say it was great fun I'm not kidding. I really enjoyed it.

In fact, if he plays again I think I'd like to coach. On defense I give him a 9 out of 10. On offense he needs to learn how to dribble. Compared to the other kids he's just like them, but once he gets it I think he'll do well.

I mean wow, what fun. What a change.

Home Alone

2009-02-28T09:25:00.000-08:00

The fam is in New York and I am here alone. Though I suddenly have more focus, I have no more motivation. It's odd really. At times I want a little peace and quiet, but I'd give it up forever right now to see nh and the kids. It is a hard thing to appreciate them when they're here I think. I have to try harder.

An Elder's Quorum Activity

2009-02-28T08:48:00.000-08:00

3 couples showed up, we ate and it was fun. The Bisel's introduced us to this ping-pong insanity.

Basketball

2009-02-26T23:19:00.000-08:00

Tonight my lungs burned as I gasped for air. Man am I far gone.

In the first five seconds I was on the court I got shoved and fell down. My body would not obey, my limbs were heavy and sluggish. I fell down like an old, decrepit man and banged my elbow. I immediately thought it might be a sign.

When I walked onto the court the score was 18 to 13. When I walked off at half-time the score was 18 to 32. I tried to convince myself it didn't have anything to do with me, but my first two passes were intercepted and after that I didn't get the ball much. Actually, it was kind of like we were playing with four guys instead of five. I enjoyed the exercise and tried to play up the illusion that I was foiling the other teams plans instead of my teams plans. I don't think it came off well.

After the game the guys were talking about practicing. They went on for awhile about how the defense moves and adjusts, about how the offense moves and adjusts. I'll admit, I didn't get a lot of it. I guess I'm down for practicing.

All I'm going to say is that is what they get if they are going to invite anyone out and say it's just for fun. I did have fun though I want to get better for their sakes. We got whooped by 50 points. Embarrassing.

A Portrait of Someone Else

2009-02-26T22:42:00.000-08:00

Tonight a guy with nothing, but a student loan bought a couch from us. I delivered it because he doesn't even own a bike for transportation. Then I offered to help him move it in the house. As it turned out, Roscoe and I spent a lot of time together. Let me tell you what I know.

Roscoe is an injured Jarhead. No details, just an honorably discharged veteran. I asked what he did and he didn't want to talk about it. I asked where he did it and he didn't want to talk about it. Roscoe has two Chinese symbols tattooed, one on each arm. On his right arm is the Chinese character for snake, the name his comrades called him. On his left arm is a symbol to the memory of the fallen soldiers with whom he served. Roscoe is tall, maybe six-two and lanky. His gait is awkward, he moves prepubescently.

Roscoe used to live with a teacher and her husband. Roscoe has no family and he "holes" up wherever he can. The teacher who took a shine to him would take him to school everyday. It was a nice arrangement, but not a permanent one. Enter Lucy.

Roscoe rents two rooms from Lucy. It all began when Lucy got robbed. When you enter Lucy's house there is a room. In the room is a futon and behind the futon is a baby Grand piano. As I think about it now they must have built the house around it, we struggled just to get in a stupid couch. To the left of the baby Grand is an upright and a little further on is an electronic keyboard. There is a very distinct Asian feel to the decorating. I see a picture, it must be Lucy, she is Asian and playing at a Baby Grand. Roscoe says she is about 100 lbs. soaking wet. Lucy teaches music and has for the past 13 years. Lucy isn't home yet.

Roscoe met Lucy through an old roommate. They met on a hike near the Grand Canyon. Their mutual friend proposed to his love on that hike. It was beautiful Roscoe tells me. Two months later his friend sat and wrote lots of letters to lots of people and then blew his brains out. "It brought us all closer together, but especially Lucy and I." Roscoe repeats often that they have become good friends.

He likes music. A fringe benefit of living with a pianist is a nightly concert he says. He loves to hear her play. I see pictures in a frame, Lucy in the middle at the piano, and all around her are smaller pictures of her students at the same piano. Somebody has written Recital 2008 in the bottom corner of Lucy's picture. There must be 20 students, they're all women, many young, some middle aged.

I sat on the couch, the cushions off and stared out at the starry Arizona night sky. Roscoe sat on the porch smoking and flicking his ashes into the yard. "It's beautiful," I say. "Yeah, sometimes we have a small fire here in this fire ring and we just kick back." He turns his head towards the driveway out front, "I think she's here." For a minute it sounds like maybe someone is, but it isn't anyone.

We took off doors and the couch would not fit through a single door in the entire house. We took the feet off the couch, no luck and come to find out his door was too small to fit the couch in. We lifted the couch over the fence...twice. Finally, we completely dismantled a window.

In Roscoe's room is a high end flat panel t.v. with high end speakers and a computer he put together - high end. There is no bed in sight. As we take apart the window we find screws that have been painted over. Roscoe disappears into a very small closet and pulls out a small lime green backpack. From a plastic sheath he pulls out a large knife. "I don't usually take Janie out around strangers" he says. He peels away the paint, he pries away at the window. We lift in the couch which is clearly too big for the little room. No problem he says, he'll make it work. "I've got to get this back together before Lucy gets home and freaks out," he reminds me.

He and Lucy don't watch t.v., they just rent movies, they sit in the little room together and watch movies.

Roscoe paints and fixes things up. Roscoe cooks. He likes to cook. He takes care of the meals. He pays $400.00 a month for two rooms and he paints. "When Lucy got broken into she was scared. She called me because I'm the scariest cuddly guy she knows."

It will take time. He knows it, to earn his degree in material science; probably about another 8 years. He lives off of grant money and a little income as a math tutor at the college. He tutors up to trig. He doesn't need much. Apparently the material science guys start at $67,500 a year right out of college and he doesn't need much to live on, so he'll be able to save most of it.

I left at 10:45pm, almost an hour and a half after I got there. The couch was in, though every door needed put back on and the window needed completely reassembled. I never did meet Lucy. I liked Roscoe. He seemed nice enough, but in the back of my mind somewhere I wondered if Lucy was there all along, in the backyard, taking a dirt nap.

Coincedence? I think not

2009-02-25T21:49:00.000-08:00

The other day J-dog was helping me put some items on Craig's List. When you enter the item it randomly pulls up words for you to type in to verify that a human being is actually doing it instead of a bot. The words that came up?

Remember Clarence

Clarence Bay was J-dog's Grandfather. He passed away recently. I felt the spirit was there with us. Coincedence? I think not.

What do you think marriage is?

2009-02-25T21:37:00.000-08:00

Ever since the vote for marriage petition process began I've been thinking about marriage. I believe marriage is ordained of God. I believe it's between a man and a woman. For me that's it.

But today I heard some blow hard on talk radio saying a lot of things that make sense, until he got to his definition of marriage, which he explained is for the birthing of children. In his entire 10 minute rant he only stuttered when making a point about the definition of marriage. It seems like you could have children without marriage and heck, people do all of the time.

I don't think marriage is just about the birthing of children. That's part of it, but I can't help but think it's something more. I haven't heard or thought of a non-religious definition that makes me weak in the knees. I have some ideas of my own though I don't think I could define it well, but if you are reading this then I'm reaching out to you. What do you think, is there a good non-religious definition?

I think that's right

2009-02-25T21:17:00.000-08:00

“I shall pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”

Mahatma Gandhi

An incident and a spanking

2009-02-19T22:45:00.001-08:00

dg5 does very little to warrant physical application, but tonight he scraped a pencil down his brother's face because wg3 knocked his flip-flop off of his foot. dg5 came precariously close to wg3's eye. Not cool.

I hate spanking the kids. I hate it, but I have gotten very good at not doing it in anger. I feel like a dolt when I can't think of other ways to motivate them. Being a parent is ridiculously difficult.

Two smacks, hand on butt. Who even knows if that works?

Pray and do

2009-02-19T22:29:00.000-08:00

It seems everywhere I turn folks have very big challenges. I cannot compare my life and not acknowledge God blesses us more I'm sure than I even imagine.

Tonight we had Cam over for dinner. It's been several weeks. Cam is losing her sight. I told her if she called the Southern Arizona Association for the Visually Impaired and began to take classes I'd make sure she gets there. She needs encouraged. I think denial has dominated her life. She has begun very late to prepare. Depression, anger, hopelessness have beset her I think. She hasn't known what to do. I hate the feelings she must be feeling. I told her if she tries to be self-reliant I'll do what ever I can to help.

It will be difficult I think. She's withered at only 62, body, mind and spirit. When she's with us she cheers up. She asked to pray with us tonight. She wanted to listen as we read the kids books. She ate 3 ice cream sandwhiches. 3.

She is struggling with a lot of decisions. It costs her 3 grand a month to live in her place and it costs her mother 4 grand a month to stay in the assisted living facility she's in. The money they have it running out and they get no state assistance until they have only $2,000 left. When they have only $2,000 left they have to wait 45 days to be placed by the state; which means the $2,000 they have left won't last the 45 days they have to wait. It's retarded. She thinks she'll have to sell her house. She offered to give us some of her furniture tonight - which made me feel oddly that I should be the offeree of a vulnerable person.

I asked her how long she had before she must make a decision. She says 60 days. I asked who determines her fate. She said a state counsellor. The counsellor says she has to take courses at SAAVI. She has to win the counsellor over before anything will really change. Here's hoping she can progress quickly.

If she can muster the will, I'm hoping we can get her living on her own, learning to live blind. After 62 years with sight it will be one helluva change. Pray and do; there will have to be plenty of both I think.

How many days in a row can he wear it? I mean really.

2009-02-19T22:25:00.000-08:00

wg3 has taken to wearing dg5's Spiderman costume everyday. Because wg3 is wearing it dg5 wants it. Our direction to him has been to wait until wg3 is finished.

How many days in a row can he wear it? I mean really.

Thanks KM18!

In a few weeks time

2009-02-19T20:14:00.000-08:00

The boys have completed week 3 of soccer. No more crying, just a lot of kicking. It's a good thing.

wg3 called his coach a "dummy head" today because when they handed out the jersey's he wanted number three and the coach was trying to give him number 1. dg5 got number 5 and I think wg3 thought your number was supposed to be your age. The coach was trying to give him number 1. I mean who doesn't want to be number 1? Apparently wg3. He got number 2 and after some encouragement felt good about it I think.

We made him apologize so he took two steps towards his coach, who was 40 feet away and said he was sorry. "I don't think so pal. You go over, shake his hand and say you're sorry." He glanced at the coach, looked back at us and said, "I need someone to go over there with me." Mom accompanied him.

It's amazing how far they've come in a few weeks time.

Firedrake

2009-02-15T21:19:00.000-08:00

We are nearing the end of Firedrake. We read it regularly as a family. wg3 very often asks, "One moe chaptu Dad?" Honestly, I don't think he's interested in the story at all, not like his Mom and brother; really he's looking to stay up late, but it's cute to hear him say it anyway.

Ping Pong Maw Maw

2009-02-15T21:16:00.000-08:00

Tonight after dinner I invited Dad to play some Ping Pong. He declined. I tried again and he declined again. I tried a third time and he deferred to Maw Maw. So I went with it and I asked Maw Maw. Well Maw Maw was up for it and we played three games. The more we played the better she got. She hasn't played in years, but she's still got it. I'm relieved they had to run!

Writing

2009-02-15T21:15:00.001-08:00

This week dg5 worked out some spelling on his own. Some of the words???

sat
bat
mat
fat

And today he spelled scat at the table. Not a good table word if you ask me, but hey, it's signs of intelligent life!

Karate means "empty hand"

2009-02-15T21:09:00.000-08:00

Friday night the boys dressed up in their outfits we got them from China. They thought it would inspire their Karate moves. They're always asking, "Dad, do you want to see my Karate moves?"

We used their enthusiasm as a springboard and had a movie night - The Karate Kid. I lay down with a boy under each arm, pillows and a warm blanket and relived the eighties.

When we were done, way past the boys bedtimes, wg3's first words were, "Can we watch it again?"

Interestingly, during the movie wg3 kept wanting to rewind to the "girl parts." "She'll be on again," I said. Apparently Elizabeth Shue is his type.

Sibling Rivlary

2009-02-15T21:03:00.000-08:00

Soccer went better for both boys this week.

Tonight we were discussing it at the table with Maw Maw and Paw Paw.

First wg3 was asked how his game went.
"Lizzie scored a goal." "Did you like it," Paw Paw asked? "Yeah, it was good."

"And Dg5, how did your soccer go?" "It's good."
"Dg5 scored a goal in soccer practice," says I. "Yeah, and wg3 didn't score any," says dg5.
I give him a look. "Hey pal, that's not nice. We encourage each other in this house."
He gives me a look that I interpret as, "Okay, I see you don't like it, I get it, but it's true." "Sorry," he says.
Indeed.

I'm happy they're adjusting well to soccer. It should be great fun for many years.

Big Fat Baby

2009-02-15T20:54:00.000-08:00

Today on the way home from church we were discussing wg3's size at birth. 11lbs. 5oz. I told him he was the biggest baby anybody remembers in our family. I told him nurses came from all over the hospital to see him because he was so big. I told him he had a big fat head and big fat cheeks. He had big fat arms, big fat legs and a big fat belly.

dg5 chimes in, "I remember that. Did anybody come from all over the hospital to see me?" ***an innocent conversation turns into a fast car on a hairpin turn***

Fortunately wg3 chimed in with a question. "Dad?" "Yes." "Um. Dad did I have big fat boobies like you?" It wasn't the salvation I was looking for, but it served it's purpose. "That's it, you're gonna get it when we get home pal," I tell him. Both boys giggle.

I really have to do something about my weight. I guess I was just thinking I'd wait until after the holidays, but maybe 11 months is too long to wait to start.

The Economy Stinks

2009-02-10T21:37:00.000-08:00

The 800+ Billion dollar stimulus package passed the Senate today so I guess it's a done deal. I hope it's less of a debacle than the last stimulus package. We did our part to stimulate the economy and bought furniture 50% off.

At Fast and Testimony meeting two Sunday's ago in San Diego an Area Authority shared something from the First Presidency. They said if we will pay a full tithe, a generous fast offering and do our Visiting and Home Teaching that we will weather this economic difficulty.

That's good to know. I've been anxious about work lately. Things feel very dim, I don't want to be a lay-off, but I am in the building products industry. We've been told that housing starts are below depression era numbers and there are 3 times as many people today.

I'm grateful to have prophets, seers, and revelators today. The programs are simple, it just usually our execution that stinks.

A visitor

2009-02-10T21:32:00.000-08:00

We have Grandma Brown staying with us this week. Truth be known, I love the old bird. She can't hear a friggin thing, she's blind in one eye and can't see out of the other, but she's full of spunk and I like that about her most of all.

The boys love her too, although dg5 complained once that she had bad breath. wg3 especially hangs near her. When we eat he sits beside her, when we watch t.v. he sits beside her, when we read scriptures he sits beside her. If wg3 had his way he'd be in her lap.

It amazes me, there is a 90 year gap between them and yet they're fast friends. Last night wg3 got up and went into her room and wanted to sleep in her bed. "I had a bad dream," he said. But gently she explained that she had to sleep in her bed and so he had to sleep in his. Obediently he left her room and promptly walked to ours and curled up on the floor. What a kid.

Fatigue

2009-02-10T21:26:00.000-08:00

I went to the Dr. today for chronic fatigue. As I sat there waiting for him to come into the room I busied myself anticipating questions he might ask me when it hit me. I'm never not tired. I'm preoccupied with things, I'm busy, but I could lay down anywhere and take a nap.

It sneaks up on you, over time, gradually. Then one day you realize the quality of your life is a struggle to maintain, that you haven't read a book in awhile, that your discretionary time is less and less, that mustering the energy to do anything valuable, anything other than veg out is more than you care to muster. It's insidious really.

So he sent me for X-rays, blood work and a sleep study. I've heard they put wires all over you and ask you to sleep. Honestly, I don't think I'll have a problem.

A cheap movie ?????

2009-02-10T21:19:00.000-08:00

On Tuesdays they have one dollar movies so nh and I took the kids and Grandma Brown to see Madagascar2. I love the penguins, they make me laugh hard. The whole shebang cost $5...until we walked out of the theater.

American Home Furnishings is closing it's Tucson stores. We bought a longer dining room table and a couch for $2733.45.

That brings the cheap movie to $2738.45.

Am I a blessing to my wife?

2009-02-10T21:04:00.000-08:00

It's a question I ask myself recently. I want to be a blessing to her.

Today as I was driving I was listening to the Diane Ream show on NPR. Diane Ream is like one-thousand years old or something, but her program is very interesting.

Today they were talking about relationships of folks who are marrying late because they're widowers or something. Like somebodies 70 year old mother was getting married.

Two ideas bugged me. One was the comment that many of these late age married folks claim they have NEVER had a better relationship. A discussion of the reasons why might be intriguing, but I couldn't get past the feeling that I want my Beloved to feel that way about the marriage she's in, not after I'm dead with some other husband.

Secondly, a woman wrote in to say that after 35 years of marriage her husband still loves her, but she does not love him, what could she do? Ugggghhh. What a nightmare. I don't want that either. I want my wife to have a happy fulfilling life, but I'll admit I'm not a blessing as much as I could be, not by a long shot.

Dr. Kevin Lehman wrote a book called "Sex Begins in the Kitchen." Weird, I know. But the idea is that there are many things you can do to improve your spouses health and well-being and it starts with taking out the trash, or doing the dishes, or whatever you can do to take the burden off of her, to carry the load in what should be an equal partnership. We men should do extra stuff, special stuff too, but getting in the trenches is the best way to show your spouse you're committed to her, that you love her, that you really care for her well being. I think that's right.

I want to be a good husband. I don't want my wife to not love me after 35 years of marriage. I think the primary issue was put like this today by Diane's guest. As we experience life changes such as job changes, home changes, kids, or maybe even illness that it changes us as people. And the spouse we're married to today isn't that same one we married 10 years ago, and we're not the same either. So in a sense we find ourselves in several different marriages over one relationship. We have to adapt, adjust, reset our course and move fluidly as the needs of our partner and our own needs change.

I'll admit, kids have rocked me oddly. I love them very much. I look forward to seeing them everyday, to hearing from them, to being together, but I have not managed the most important relationship in my family life soundly. I feel after some thought I'm neglecting the person I love the most, even though she doesn't say it. I think for us all I have to try harder. I love my wife and I want to be the blessing to her that I find she is to me.